VN Ren'Py The Ruined Bloom [v0.3] [CungDuts]

[RoadWulf]

"She's our Football Team's manager"


Uh oh.... I've seen this AV.

 

[SARBASST]

I prefer the extreme NTR path...

 

[CungDuts]

I prefer the extreme NTR path...

Don't worry, I'll still be continuing the extreme ntr stuff, but i have to upload it here only (patreon gave me a warning about it, so that's why I decided to stop temporarily for ntr story). And for right now, my main focus is gonna be the vanilla route.

 

[Raferu]

Don't worry, I'll still be continuing the extreme ntr stuff, but i have to upload it here only (patreon gave me a warning about it, so that's why I decided to stop temporarily for ntr story). And for right now, my main focus is gonna be the vanilla route.

Be careful, dev. Patreon has been known to investigate what their creators are up to outside of the platform. I'm not saying be paranoid, just, don't go overboard lol.

 

[CungDuts]

Be careful, dev. Patreon has been known to investigate what their creators are up to outside of the platform. I'm not saying be paranoid, just, don't go overboard lol.

I've researched several popular Patreon devs who have patches that violate community guidelines and upload them elsewhere. It seems that won't be an issue, and besides, it will be a separate game later anyway. But thanks for the warning tho.

 

[Raferu]

I've researched several popular Patreon devs who have patches that violate community guidelines and upload them elsewhere. It seems that won't be an issue, and besides, it will be a separate game later anyway. But thanks for the warning tho.

I just hope to play your game made the way you envision it to be

 

[CungDuts]

I just hope to play your game made the way you envision it to be

Hahaha, thanks. Don't worry, I'll continue this game until it's finished.

 

[Sossse]

And for right now, my main focus is gonna be the vanilla route.

what route is the "vanilla route"? the "true bro" route? couse the other 2 would be in**st and ntr and if im not mistaken in**st is far from vanilla...

 

[CungDuts]

what route is the "vanilla route"? the "true bro" route? couse the other 2 would be in**st and ntr and if im not mistaken in**st is far from vanilla...

The details are on my Patreon, but you'll probably understand when V 0.3 is released. Sorry maybe I miss understood, I view vanilla as any sexual action outside of NTR.

 

[cheatermadgoogoo]

I'll emphasize that netorare can't occur without a romance. so don't forget that. Your sister shouldn't be doing anything lewd(with other people) unless she is your girlfriend! You can stay a blue balled virgin that gets no action, but she does have to be your girlfriend for there to be NTR.

The writing seems to be AI-assisted, what with the inconsistent mix of apostrophe unicode.
View attachment 5336716 View attachment 5336718
View attachment 5336720 View attachment 5336721
Your English grammar isn't very good, so I suppose you're asking an AI to fix your grammar in some parts? Or maybe you're writing some things, getting stuck, and asking AI to write another part(Like all the prose describing sex. Like everything after drinking the soda). Or some variation on that. Hard to say because clearly some lines are hand-typed with mistakes.
Just curious how you're doing it.
That aside, one mistake is "Haha, You dont have to Misaki." from Haruka. It should be "Haha, you don't have to, Misaki."
"No Thanks, Haruka." should be "No thanks, Haruka." Comb through for more capitalization errors like that, there are a few.
Then there's perspective difference. "After I opened the door, she quickly rushed into my room." Clearly first-person narration (not dialog). Then "You couldn't leave your sister terrified, so you finally let her sleep in your room." Second-person narration.

As far as the content itself goes, I get wanting to cram several lewd scenes in immediately so the first version isn't too empty, but I think it jumps ahead too fast with Misaki. I prefer building on their dynamic more first. If you don't want to, so be it, just giving my opinion. Also the girl at the comic shop should probably be pushed off to later. Concentrate focus more on what's going on in Misaki's life and then the comic store girl can be a dramatic wrench in the works. If the Misaki relationship isn't progressing because of player choices, Misaki later finding out about the comic book store girl that clearly likes Yuu could be an accelerant to make her vy for Yuu's attention, and if the Misaki relationship is more developed, like dating, then the jealousy and insecurity Misaki feels about the comic book store girl sharing Yuu's interests could drive her to lash out, be more reckless, be petty, or any such. Maybe you even told Misaki to steer clear of that guy Haruka was with and this jealousy drives her specifically to be more friendly with him just to make you feel what she does.
There's a lot of approaches you can take as the writer depending on what you really want this VN to be.
Maybe you don't like anything I like and just want an easy-going comedy of errors where every wrong step gets your sister plowed and every few right steps lets you plow her yourself. High action, no downtime, little build up. It's your first VN, so don't overthink it. Do what you want, it's not your last VN. It's all just... "food for thought" I guess?

This is hilarious

 

[Paradox004]

The details are on my Patreon, but you'll probably understand when V 0.3 is released. Sorry maybe I miss understood, I view vanilla as any sexual action outside of NTR.

"Any?" Hardcore BDSM is the opposite of "vanilla" dude lol. But hey, I'm here for non-NTR so whatever.

 

[Paradox004]

what route is the "vanilla route"? the "true bro" route? couse the other 2 would be in**st and ntr and if im not mistaken in**st is far from vanilla...

Stepcest is like the #1 type of real porn right now... and "incest" is one of the most popular tags in anime (Something like Chivalry Of A Failed Knight, or Yosuga No Sora), and especially hentai/porn games. I think it counts as vanilla these days. Or maybe something like tapioca pudding, just 1 step above lol

 

[CungDuts]

"Any?" Hardcore BDSM is the opposite of "vanilla" dude lol. But hey, I'm here for non-NTR so whatever.

I meant the extreme/dark stuff like that too, lol

 

[Ghost1005]

I'll emphasize that netorare can't occur without a romance. so don't forget that. Your sister shouldn't be doing anything lewd(with other people) unless she is your girlfriend! You can stay a blue balled virgin that gets no action, but she does have to be your girlfriend for there to be NTR.

The writing seems to be AI-assisted, what with the inconsistent mix of apostrophe unicode.
View attachment 5336716 View attachment 5336718
View attachment 5336720 View attachment 5336721
Your English grammar isn't very good, so I suppose you're asking an AI to fix your grammar in some parts? Or maybe you're writing some things, getting stuck, and asking AI to write another part(Like all the prose describing sex. Like everything after drinking the soda). Or some variation on that. Hard to say because clearly some lines are hand-typed with mistakes.
Just curious how you're doing it.
That aside, one mistake is "Haha, You dont have to Misaki." from Haruka. It should be "Haha, you don't have to, Misaki."
"No Thanks, Haruka." should be "No thanks, Haruka." Comb through for more capitalization errors like that, there are a few.
Then there's perspective difference. "After I opened the door, she quickly rushed into my room." Clearly first-person narration (not dialog). Then "You couldn't leave your sister terrified, so you finally let her sleep in your room." Second-person narration.

As far as the content itself goes, I get wanting to cram several lewd scenes in immediately so the first version isn't too empty, but I think it jumps ahead too fast with Misaki. I prefer building on their dynamic more first. If you don't want to, so be it, just giving my opinion. Also the girl at the comic shop should probably be pushed off to later. Concentrate focus more on what's going on in Misaki's life and then the comic store girl can be a dramatic wrench in the works. If the Misaki relationship isn't progressing because of player choices, Misaki later finding out about the comic book store girl that clearly likes Yuu could be an accelerant to make her vy for Yuu's attention, and if the Misaki relationship is more developed, like dating, then the jealousy and insecurity Misaki feels about the comic book store girl sharing Yuu's interests could drive her to lash out, be more reckless, be petty, or any such. Maybe you even told Misaki to steer clear of that guy Haruka was with and this jealousy drives her specifically to be more friendly with him just to make you feel what she does.
There's a lot of approaches you can take as the writer depending on what you really want this VN to be.
Maybe you don't like anything I like and just want an easy-going comedy of errors where every wrong step gets your sister plowed and every few right steps lets you plow her yourself. High action, no downtime, little build up. It's your first VN, so don't overthink it. Do what you want, it's not your last VN. It's all just... "food for thought" I guess?

Hard agree with this too often do people just slap the ntr tag to things like a mother son but there are no feelings beyond familial between them... that's not ntr that's normal lol there has to be some romantic relationship between the 2 characters otherwise it's just empty i personally prefer games where i (MC) has both a romantic and physical relationship with the character before the Ntr not often seen though but there are a few out there

 

[fulcrum]

the "ntr" as was set up in the previous version was pretty much just date rape.

 

[Chris2041]

The details are on my Patreon, but you'll probably understand when V 0.3 is released. Sorry maybe I miss understood, I view vanilla as any sexual action outside of NTR.

you know that patreon also bans incest and stepcest right ?
maybe you should go to subscribestar

 

[CungDuts]

you know that patreon also bans incest and stepcest right ?
maybe you should go to subscribestar

Yeah, I know. Since I'm using adopted siblings, I don't know if that still violates the policy, lol.

I already have a SubscribeStar, but I still don't get how to use it. I also plan to make a buy me a coffee account.

 

[fulcrum]

Yeah, I know. Since I'm using adopted siblings, I don't know if that still violates the policy, lol.

I already have a SubscribeStar, but I still don't get how to use it. I also plan to make a buy me a coffee account.

anything familial is in their crosshairs, even if not blood related. especialy asinine if you construct a constelation where the other parent brings a sibling into their 2nd marriage they adopted from their ex's previous partnership because this is technicaly legal even if requiring certain legal action before it can end up in marriage due to inflexibilities in many national codes of law.

 

[CungDuts]

anything familial is in their crosshairs, even if not blood related. especialy asinine if you construct a constelation where the other parent brings a sibling into their 2nd marriage they adopted from their ex's previous partnership.

Ah, I get it. Yeah, I am currently trying out other donation platforms that are more flexible about this matter, in case I ever get banned there. Thank you for telling me about this, I really appreciate it.

 

[Arkade]

Just make a substar too for when your p-site gets banned inevitably.

edit: oh I see you got one.