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VN Ren'Py Tragic Elf Life [v0.05 Re-Rework] [StraponCookie]

3.00 star(s) 2 Votes

Osider

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Sep 23, 2019
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I absolutely do read English, certainly better than you write it. The walkthrough, as is usual if you bother to read further back on this thread, has usually not been proofread at all before first release, and that is true in this case as well. It is a separate script from the normal "without-walkthrough" one. At this point I have not even finished proofing the rework of Days 1&2 yet, much less gone back through and done the walkthrough. Day 3 and onward should be fine, since that is the script I previously had proofed.
Also -- just a little pet peeve of mine -- if you're going to question someone else's proficiency with a language, perhaps you should be sure of your own proficiency first.
I talk 4 languages so if you want to actually play that game ...
 
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5mithers

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StraponCookie , Small bug in the beginning of the game in 0.5. If you try and select "Stay for now" when waking up in the hospital, game throws an error.
1751981110784.png
1751981121519.png

Seems the choice points to the kh3 label, which doesn't exist.
1751981151830.png
 

5mithers

Member
Aug 3, 2019
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StraponCookie : Another small bug report:

During "fun" time with the cowgirl Molly, you have some kind of rendering template grid in the corner during the final image:
1751985553717.png

*Edit: And right after the end of the scene it cuts back to the orgasm scene when the MC and Lilia have fun at the house previously.
1751985651152.png
1751985670926.png
Guessing it's a mis-placed pointer in the code. I haven't taken the time to unrpa the files and look closer.



*Edit 2: Beginning of day3 has a lot of missing images.

Code:
day2mo1
day2mo2
d3p1b1
d3p1b2
d3p1b3
d3p1b4
d3p1b5
d3p1b6
d3p1b7
d3p1b8
d3p1b9
d3p1b10
d3p1b11
# After choice to take a walk
d3p1b13
d3p1b14
d3p1b16
d3p1b18
First functional image after the new day start (on the take a walk choice path) is:
1751986548571.png

*Edit 3: More missing images at the end of day 3.

Code:
sleep8
sleep9
sleep10
sleep11
sleep12
dream1

*Edit 4: Another small bug: The name of the student picked doesn't seem to match between two sentences back to back in the "pick me up" scene towards the end of of day 5. First comment says Bea, second one says Kris. (I picked the 3rd student, but don't know their names to tell which name is incorrect.)

1751997739115.png
1751997773115.png
 
Last edited:

StraponCookie

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Mar 14, 2022
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StraponCookie : Another small bug report:

During "fun" time with the cowgirl Molly, you have some kind of rendering template grid in the corner during the final image:
View attachment 5022899

*Edit: And right after the end of the scene it cuts back to the orgasm scene when the MC and Lilia have fun at the house previously.
View attachment 5022905
View attachment 5022907
Guessing it's a mis-placed pointer in the code. I haven't taken the time to unrpa the files and look closer.



*Edit 2: Beginning of day3 has a lot of missing images.

Code:
day2mo1
day2mo2
d3p1b1
d3p1b2
d3p1b3
d3p1b4
d3p1b5
d3p1b6
d3p1b7
d3p1b8
d3p1b9
d3p1b10
d3p1b11
# After choice to take a walk
d3p1b13
d3p1b14
d3p1b16
d3p1b18
First functional image after the new day start (on the take a walk choice path) is:
View attachment 5022931
Day 3 is trough the rework hard buggy sorry for that.

The issue with the crash and the other two things are currently on my fixing list

Thx for your report
 
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Nxooda

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Shipfan66 What is the issue in translating the walkthrough script? Can't you copy paste it over from the normal English script? What seperates them except for additional info on choices? Saw a post from february about the walkthrough translation. Why not get someone to help you? You can say alpha/beta is the reasoning but either you work on it or you don't. You can also leave it out and have someone contribute to a walkthrough if they want. At least we won't have to come here and argue about why the translation isn't being done.

Anyways here is some criticism on the writing.

Comma's are spammed throughout the writing instead of just ending a sentence and making a new one or finding a grammatical solutiuon to make a sentence easy to read. "There are quite a lot of impressions to take in while settling in, and I should be mindful of my behavior so as not to stand out too much." Why not end the sentence there instead of a comma + and.

Then the line right after: "No everything is fine honey." Here it should be used: "No, everything is fine honey."

Bit further ahead: "I hope you won't be absent for too long, so we can be taken care of" Again a comma but if you want to use a comma here then write: ", because we need to be taken care of." It just doesn't read smoothly as it is now. Also, why not go for "I hope you won't be absent for too long as we need to be taken care of". Just an example you where you could form a lot of better ways to get rid of useless comma's in your writing.

This "Damn, I thought my two Roommate would have a closer bond with me"
Should be "Damn. I thought my two roommates would have closer bonds with me"

Don't take things the wrong way but I would definitely clean up a lot of sentences because in the end the VN shouldn't be distracted by uneasy reading. Also, a lot of words keep being reused to create contrasts but they're often the same. Throw in some variations as well. I don't speak German so I don't know if that's an original writing issue or translation issue.

First choice "Request release/Stay for now" picking the second one results in:
You don't have permission to view the spoiler content. Log in or register now.

Won't give you a bad rating since it's your first VN. I'll check back in a while and if things are looking good I'll do my due dilligence in giving a good rating :)
 
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Osider

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Shipfan66 What is the issue in translating the walkthrough script? Can't you copy paste it over from the normal English script? What seperates them except for additional info on choices? Saw a post from february about the walkthrough translation. Why not get someone to help you? You can say alpha/beta is the reasoning but either you work on it or you don't. You can also leave it out and have someone contribute to a walkthrough if they want. At least we won't have to come here and argue about why the translation isn't being done.

Anyways here is some criticism on the writing.

Comma's are spammed throughout the writing instead of just ending a sentence and making a new one or finding a grammatical solutiuon to make a sentence easy to read. "There are quite a lot of impressions to take in while settling in, and I should be mindful of my behavior so as not to stand out too much." Why not end the sentence there instead of a comma + and.

Then the line right after: "No everything is fine honey." Here it should be used: "No, everything is fine honey."

Bit further ahead: "I hope you won't be absent for too long, so we can be taken care of" Again a comma but if you want to use a comma here then write: ", because we need to be taken care of." It just doesn't read smoothly as it is now. Also, why not go for "I hope you won't be absent for too long as we need to be taken care of". Just an example you where you could form a lot of better ways to get rid of useless comma's in your writing.

This "Damn, I thought my two Roommate would have a closer bond with me"
Should be "Damn. I thought my two roommates would have closer bonds with me"

Don't take things the wrong way but I would definitely clean up a lot of sentences because in the end the VN shouldn't be distracted by uneasy reading. Also, a lot of words keep being reused to create contrasts but they're often the same. Throw in some variations as well. I don't speak German so I don't know if that's an original writing issue or translation issue.

First choice "Request release/Stay for now" picking the second one results in:
You don't have permission to view the spoiler content. Log in or register now.

Won't give you a bad rating since it's your first VN. I'll check back in a while and if things are looking good I'll do my due dilligence in giving a good rating :)
The english translator say nothing is wrong with his english, and blaming other of their own english mistake, cannot acknowledge he / she did not verify it.
Ya know blame other don't acknowledge your mistake.

edit for @StraponCookie i simply expected a "my bad will be fix" from your translator his / her attack on me for the fact german was shown in english walkthrough is unacceptable !!

but i will change my review on next build (when you finish it) as i'm not unfair good luck for the rest of the game, but idk if i can support a team with people like your translator in it.
 
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StraponCookie

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edit for @StraponCookie i simply expected a "my bad will be fix" from your translator his / her attack on me for the fact german was shown in english walkthrough is unacceptable !!

but i will change my review on next build (when you finish it) as i'm not unfair good luck for the rest of the game, but idk if i can support a team with people like your translator in it.
The question is: who was the one to act aggressively first?
He responded to this post of yours:


Does the proof reader really can read english ?

Because when you have German in the "english walkrought" in less than 5 minutes in the game for me it's simply he / she did not even tried it ?


His response wasn’t exactly kind, but in Germany there’s a saying:
“Wie es in den Wald hineinruft, so schallt es auch wieder heraus.”
(“What you shout into the forest is what echoes back at you.”)

In other words: the way you treat others often reflects back on you.

I do stand behind his reaction, especially considering that it’s repeatedly stated that the version without the walkthrough is released first, and normaly after proofreading comes the one with the walkthrough.
So if a response like that to a salty comment is enough for you to stop supporting, then I’m sorry to hear that.


Nxooda
The Alpha/Beta distinction comes from my side. While it's technically possible, it’s incredibly tedious and time-consuming in post-production if I have to make corrections in two separate script files.
Ren’Py’s translation scripts are unfortunately often quite messy, as every new translation or modification starts a new paragraph.
For example:
Paragraph Day 1
  • Dialogue (without choices)
  • Choices as individual entries
Paragraph Day 2
  • Dialogue (without choices)
  • Choices as individual entries
If I then add or change just one sentence in Day 1, it gets appended at the very end of the translation file (e.g., after Day 2’s choices),
which turns the whole thing into a mess in the long run.
I personally prefer things to be organized and clear, especially since the cleaned-up translation scripts (after removing unnecessary blank lines)
are often three times as long as the original script — because each sentence uses three lines in translation (context tag, original line, and translation).
As for the grammar mistakes — even in German, I have a tendency toward overly long sentences,
as I’m used to painting a scene with words and trying to fit as much information as possible into a single sentence.
On top of that comes the general challenge of translating into English and trying to reflect naturally spoken English.
However, I’ll try to adjust the AI translation with additional parameters to make it sound more natural even without manual proofreading.




Just to add something in general:
From now on, I will change the way I handle releases, because it’s honestly frustrating how often people complain that the walkthrough is missing —
often without even reading the post directly above where it’s already been explained or addressed.


In short:
Free releases will only be made after the promised early access period for my Patreon supporters has ended
,
and without separate Alpha/Beta versions.
 

Osider

Member
Donor
Sep 23, 2019
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The question is: who was the one to act aggressively first?
He responded to this post of yours:






His response wasn’t exactly kind, but in Germany there’s a saying:
“Wie es in den Wald hineinruft, so schallt es auch wieder heraus.”
(“What you shout into the forest is what echoes back at you.”)

In other words: the way you treat others often reflects back on you.

I do stand behind his reaction, especially considering that it’s repeatedly stated that the version without the walkthrough is released first, and normaly after proofreading comes the one with the walkthrough.
So if a response like that to a salty comment is enough for you to stop supporting, then I’m sorry to hear that.


Nxooda
The Alpha/Beta distinction comes from my side. While it's technically possible, it’s incredibly tedious and time-consuming in post-production if I have to make corrections in two separate script files.
Ren’Py’s translation scripts are unfortunately often quite messy, as every new translation or modification starts a new paragraph.
For example:
Paragraph Day 1
  • Dialogue (without choices)
  • Choices as individual entries
Paragraph Day 2
  • Dialogue (without choices)
  • Choices as individual entries
If I then add or change just one sentence in Day 1, it gets appended at the very end of the translation file (e.g., after Day 2’s choices),
which turns the whole thing into a mess in the long run.
I personally prefer things to be organized and clear, especially since the cleaned-up translation scripts (after removing unnecessary blank lines)
are often three times as long as the original script — because each sentence uses three lines in translation (context tag, original line, and translation).
As for the grammar mistakes — even in German, I have a tendency toward overly long sentences,
as I’m used to painting a scene with words and trying to fit as much information as possible into a single sentence.
On top of that comes the general challenge of translating into English and trying to reflect naturally spoken English.
However, I’ll try to adjust the AI translation with additional parameters to make it sound more natural even without manual proofreading.




Just to add something in general:
From now on, I will change the way I handle releases, because it’s honestly frustrating how often people complain that the walkthrough is missing —
often without even reading the post directly above where it’s already been explained or addressed.


In short:
Free releases will only be made after the promised early access period for my Patreon supporters has ended
,
and without separate Alpha/Beta versions.
Good for you drop you game and will not follow any of your game, here the saying of his answer : “Wie es in den Wald hineinruft, so schallt es auch wieder heraus.”

Good luck with this crap of a game
 
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Nxooda

Newbie
Dec 6, 2023
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The question is: who was the one to act aggressively first?
He responded to this post of yours:






His response wasn’t exactly kind, but in Germany there’s a saying:
“Wie es in den Wald hineinruft, so schallt es auch wieder heraus.”
(“What you shout into the forest is what echoes back at you.”)

In other words: the way you treat others often reflects back on you.

I do stand behind his reaction, especially considering that it’s repeatedly stated that the version without the walkthrough is released first, and normaly after proofreading comes the one with the walkthrough.
So if a response like that to a salty comment is enough for you to stop supporting, then I’m sorry to hear that.


Nxooda
The Alpha/Beta distinction comes from my side. While it's technically possible, it’s incredibly tedious and time-consuming in post-production if I have to make corrections in two separate script files.
Ren’Py’s translation scripts are unfortunately often quite messy, as every new translation or modification starts a new paragraph.
For example:
Paragraph Day 1
  • Dialogue (without choices)
  • Choices as individual entries
Paragraph Day 2
  • Dialogue (without choices)
  • Choices as individual entries
If I then add or change just one sentence in Day 1, it gets appended at the very end of the translation file (e.g., after Day 2’s choices),
which turns the whole thing into a mess in the long run.
I personally prefer things to be organized and clear, especially since the cleaned-up translation scripts (after removing unnecessary blank lines)
are often three times as long as the original script — because each sentence uses three lines in translation (context tag, original line, and translation).
As for the grammar mistakes — even in German, I have a tendency toward overly long sentences,
as I’m used to painting a scene with words and trying to fit as much information as possible into a single sentence.
On top of that comes the general challenge of translating into English and trying to reflect naturally spoken English.
However, I’ll try to adjust the AI translation with additional parameters to make it sound more natural even without manual proofreading.




Just to add something in general:
From now on, I will change the way I handle releases, because it’s honestly frustrating how often people complain that the walkthrough is missing —
often without even reading the post directly above where it’s already been explained or addressed.


In short:
Free releases will only be made after the promised early access period for my Patreon supporters has ended
,
and without separate Alpha/Beta versions.

Your frustration is valid but it comes from the wrong choices and not the criticism given by. If my assumption is correct you want both German and English outreach for your game and thus also look towards pledges. Those come with certain standards. As you explain you're not very well versed in English so it's limited, makes perfect sense. Then the solution is a proofreader but that proofreader isn't properly giving back to make the game more appealing for English reading players. Yet, won't German and English speaking people not pay the same price for a pledge if they pledged? Yet the quality is not the same.

Might be wrong on this one but can't you use Github for example to have your proofreader submit translation changes for the normal version and walkthrough and all you have to do is confirm them and merge?
 

Shipfan66

Member
Mar 24, 2019
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Your frustration is valid but it comes from the wrong choices and not the criticism given by. If my assumption is correct you want both German and English outreach for your game and thus also look towards pledges. Those come with certain standards. As you explain you're not very well versed in English so it's limited, makes perfect sense. Then the solution is a proofreader but that proofreader isn't properly giving back to make the game more appealing for English reading players. Yet, won't German and English speaking people not pay the same price for a pledge if they pledged? Yet the quality is not the same.

Might be wrong on this one but can't you use Github for example to have your proofreader submit translation changes for the normal version and walkthrough and all you have to do is confirm them and merge?
The comma choices in the proofread product come from the fact that I am by no means a young person, and I was trained, correctly, to add a comma whenever there is a natural pause in the flow of the sentence. It's known as the "Oxford comma," if you care to look it up, and is intended for clear, easy-to-read text. The preference for shorter, choppier sentences is your personal choice and not a grammatical rule. In each of the sentences you quoted, I stand by my editing: just because you personally don't like my editing does not make it "wrong." I simply was taught in an older time, before the language got "dumbed down" by "internet-speak" -- you know, the shortened, highly abbreviated, often entirely screwball version of English that you get on instant messengers. I actually had to learn and abide by grammatical rules.
I'll leave the Github idea for Cookie to answer, since I know basically nothing about that platform, but this much I'll say myself: corrections are currently done live, in Discord, working from the Alpha version which is what you see here -- THIS time. As Cookie himself has already said, going forward the Alpha version will not be released to the public. You will see only the finished product each update. Enough is enough.
 
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StraponCookie

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Mar 14, 2022
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I've never worked with GitHub before, but I'm definitely open to taking a look at it.
If it makes combining everything easier, switching over might be worth it.

I'm well aware that not all decisions I make are perfect —
but there's a big difference between constructive criticism and just ranting.
Here's a fitting saying for this as well:
"It's not what you say, it's how you say it."


Criticism is by no means a problem —
it's the tone in which it’s delivered and the inability of some people (even if only a few) to read more than two sentences that creates far more frustration than properly expressed, constructive feedback.


The decision to completely remove the Alpha version now stems from the fact that it is repeatedly ignored
that Alpha versions or initial releases do not include proofreading, and that this is something that gets added or improved after the first release.


While I personally see Alpha releases as a way to take players along for the development journey,
the general response has often just been — to put it bluntly — “this is all crap.”
 

Nxooda

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Dec 6, 2023
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The comma choices in the proofread product come from the fact that I am by no means a young person, and I was trained, correctly, to add a comma whenever there is a natural pause in the flow of the sentence. It's known as the "Oxford comma," if you care to look it up, and is intended for clear, easy-to-read text. The preference for shorter, choppier sentences is your personal choice and not a grammatical rule. In each of the sentences you quoted, I stand by my editing: just because you personally don't like my editing does not make it "wrong." I simply was taught in an older time, before the language got "dumbed down" by "internet-speak" -- you know, the shortened, highly abbreviated, often entirely screwball version of English that you get on instant messengers. I actually had to learn and abide by grammatical rules.
I'll leave the Github idea for Cookie to answer, since I know basically nothing about that platform, but this much I'll say myself: corrections are currently done live, in Discord, working from the Alpha version which is what you see here -- THIS time. As Cookie himself has already said, going forward the Alpha version will not be released to the public. You will see only the finished product each update. Enough is enough.
Not engaging with anything I've said. You're just explaining your inability to understand my criticism and therefore you are unable to engage with both the examples or explanation given. All you say is it's preference but it's not, otherwise you'd explain why.

Now let me show you how engage with someone's arguments. The comma choices are poorly made and do not represent Oxford comma's exclusively. Oxford comma's are just an addition to the conjuction, they do not in any shape or form replace the conjunction and it does not make anything "choppier". You can use a conjoined sentence(compound sentence) to make something coherent instead of spamming comma's. That's a fact and has nothing to do with how you were brought up so stop making weird personal defenses on how you phrase things. Your editing is wrong on various occasions and that's only the first part as I haven't bothered to go into more depth as there was plenty in the beginning.

Nothing that I wrote as a suggestion for you to change was "dumbed down" or "internet-speak" or any of the other mentions you made. Don't know why you feel so defensive about it because isn't the goal to get a better experience for everyone who comes after? Why won't you look towards that instead of berating my criticism because you can't stand it.

StraponCookie Yeah but that's the point I made initially that you can't hide behind alpha/beta just because you made a wrong choice. You should just learn from it but both of you are so closed off to criticism that you view everything even remotely negative as an attack.

My last advise for you both: Do better with assuming people have ill intentions. Right now both of you are in a toxic atmosphere and take everything with the utmost bad faith possible.

Reply to this or not, this will be my last message to both of you on this topic for now because it won't go anywhere with how both of you are behaving.
 
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StraponCookie

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Links (exept hexupload) are now replaced with the newer version with walktrough for day 1 and 2 (currently unproofen)

Beware Day3+ are still not finished and i will rework the current render/animations trough the feedback and disliking of the new perspective.


And as mentioned before future Updates will be beta version only.
 

MikeyUK

Member
Apr 5, 2020
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Started this Rework from the start but keep getting untranslated text instead of English.

Any fix?
 

Sneak Monkey

Active Member
Apr 2, 2018
706
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unless i've messed something up seems to be an issue with using walkthrough mode in english the game keeps changing the language part way through dialogue, switching to english without walkthough mode seems to work.
Something that the dev should probably have in massive letters all over the place so people know what's up, having to read it here while the dev, translator and players throw shit at each other is just embarrassing.
 

Lolas Razor

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Mar 19, 2022
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same here. gofile eng+wt has german before we even get into the game as youre asked : möchtest du alles selbst entscheiden?

wobei möchten hier seltsam ist. ich würde hier mit "willst du ..." arbeiten.
 
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StraponCookie

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Mar 14, 2022
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same here. gofile eng+wt has german before we even get into the game as youre asked : möchtest du alles selbst entscheiden?

wobei möchten hier seltsam ist. ich würde hier mit "willst du ..." arbeiten.

Updatet the Gofile Links now it should work as inteded.

The distinction between “möchtest du” and “willst du” is more a matter of nuance or feeling —
I chose “möchtest du” because it sounds more polite.

But I take it as constructive feedback for improvement.
 
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3.00 star(s) 2 Votes