4.00 star(s) 32 Votes

Gthat1118

Newbie
Apr 24, 2021
24
40
Hopefully, a little bit of proofreading helps to offset the fact that we are all getting this amazing story for free.

When Ayaka is talking to Magnus: "...and as a loyal suspect of the Empire..." Unless this was a Freudian slip, she probably meant to say 'subject'.

Tomas talking to Magnus while seated: "...the settlements are to spread out..." Probably intended to put 'too'.
Tomas talking to Magnus while seated: "...or are they depleted? If it is the latter?" Maybe I'm confused, but wouldn't it be far worse if the stones gained energy over time than if they were depleted?

Tomas talking to Ayaka with Yuu checking for wounds: "...food when anyone isn't looking." Possibly 'no one is looking.'
Tomas talking to Ayaka with Yuu checking for wounds: "...that no one doesn't notice a half a cow being missing..." How about '...that half a cow goes missing with no one noticing...'?

This VN is sure full of intriguing plot twists. Talothral, you are truly creative.
 
4.00 star(s) 32 Votes