MMMMmmm, i test this new start and two thing to say,
first it s nice, i like the new choice system who lead to other scene. So we will have the queen as tsukkomi and help, why not, it could bring fun...
second, way too much of rumle screen and slap sound... take care with the moving screen it can provoke motion sickness (you focus to read moving words).
I see you try vn, this game will still be a sandbox or you want make it a full vn with choices ? i think you have enought story to make it a full vn... i don t really like sandbox mase. In the end of the old build, event are hard to find without a map or a quest log/hint for all caracters...