- Mar 23, 2018
- 1,196
- 1,586
The idea is fine, but the story feels incredibly rushed and lacking any sort of structure to it.
The multiple-year time skips... Too often, they end up ruining any sort of tempo/pacing that the story might have.
The dialogue is stiff and unnatural, it's like I am reading an alpha version of the first draft, with placeholder lines that would later be replaced with actual script.
The antagonist is a straw man - being douchy for the sake of being douchy.
You are messing up the names of your characters - Bella is suddenly called Beth in the choice selection, then MC tells Bella that he can't go to his room because Talon thinks MC will make a move on Bella (sic.).
There's no such thing as "I should of done sth". It's "I should HAVE done sth". This is present perfect tense.
The posing/CGs are fine, though my personal pet peeve - consider the state of clothing at a given situation. Have you ever seen a woman climb into a bunk bed in platform high heels?
Finally, a small thing, but:
The angle deviation is calculated using the formula for the chord of a circle:
c = 2 × r × sin(θ/2)
where c is the chord, r is the radius, and θ is the angle.
In the scene where you are shooting the mask, Lilith says "750, due East", and later you are being corrected that you should correct by "5 degrees".
I assume "750" is in metres, so substituting the values:
c = 2 x 750 x sin(5/2) = 1500 x sin(2.5) = 1500 x 0.044 = 66m
When the instructor corrected MC to move his aim 5 degrees to the right, MC was off by more than the width of a soccer field.
EDIT: Also, I would've forgotten:
Did you seriously time skip the only sex scene you have in your porn game?
No wonder people think you are taking the piss.
Oh, and another thing:
Having inconsequential choices is fine once in a while, but when 80% of your choices are completely meaningless, because they lead to the exact same result... Yeah, just skip them.
The multiple-year time skips... Too often, they end up ruining any sort of tempo/pacing that the story might have.
The dialogue is stiff and unnatural, it's like I am reading an alpha version of the first draft, with placeholder lines that would later be replaced with actual script.
The antagonist is a straw man - being douchy for the sake of being douchy.
You are messing up the names of your characters - Bella is suddenly called Beth in the choice selection, then MC tells Bella that he can't go to his room because Talon thinks MC will make a move on Bella (sic.).
There's no such thing as "I should of done sth". It's "I should HAVE done sth". This is present perfect tense.
The posing/CGs are fine, though my personal pet peeve - consider the state of clothing at a given situation. Have you ever seen a woman climb into a bunk bed in platform high heels?
Finally, a small thing, but:
The angle deviation is calculated using the formula for the chord of a circle:
c = 2 × r × sin(θ/2)
where c is the chord, r is the radius, and θ is the angle.
In the scene where you are shooting the mask, Lilith says "750, due East", and later you are being corrected that you should correct by "5 degrees".
I assume "750" is in metres, so substituting the values:
c = 2 x 750 x sin(5/2) = 1500 x sin(2.5) = 1500 x 0.044 = 66m
When the instructor corrected MC to move his aim 5 degrees to the right, MC was off by more than the width of a soccer field.
EDIT: Also, I would've forgotten:
Did you seriously time skip the only sex scene you have in your porn game?
No wonder people think you are taking the piss.
Oh, and another thing:
Having inconsequential choices is fine once in a while, but when 80% of your choices are completely meaningless, because they lead to the exact same result... Yeah, just skip them.
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- Dec 6, 2020
- 189
- 274
LOL, Right as I got to this scene I was already starting to see how this gem is going to go and.....
NEVERMIND THE WHOLE MISSING OF ANY SEX SCENE AT ALL, or hold on a sec cause just when you think one is about to happen even if you want or don't want to you are still gonna be shown nothing of any sex but it says you do have sex and it is followed with, yep, uhh talk about the strangest morning after you just had sex and the convo here...... I'll just sneak out this door over......
But before you get to that whole WTF moment, you are long before then already starting to think ohhh my what in the INSANE AND SCREW ANY TIME IDEA HERE AND WE ARE SET TO JUMP FROM A TO F TO JKL TO P AND Way back you are stil wonder who is that what the hell is going on why would anyone ever do that and how the fuck does any of this make sense to someone it is all over the place! I choose to go to Bella cause fuck the other bitch, only to get to her and she is all like did u see crazy cunt, no well leave and go see her 1st and whether you do or not the same fucking bench is where you end up again instead of going back to the chic Bella who I was hoping to make her like the number 1 chic in a harem and not the AAlex bitch and this Talon is such a overdone lil tart and as bad as this queen bitch that is queen of who cause since when does a queen have to answer to a queen of queens and great for those hoes but where in the fuck is the king or excuse me, the king of kings or is that my role I am growing into and if not well it needs to be so somebody can get this whole place some control and some needed lessons on explaining things instead of leaving to figure out since that is not possible any place so far? and who was Beth cause she was hotter than all except those 2 daughters of queen of queens.... must be princess' of princess' or some shit right?
- Apr 3, 2018
- 50
- 137
Gotta say, a great start to the story! Look forward to more in the future.
Oh and it takes a lot to get me invested in a Vampire story.
Oh and it takes a lot to get me invested in a Vampire story.
Prologue story is shit it has no creater develop. Story is very half heartily written.
Story is like fight stab die
Mc :- yoo! I am alive
Antagonist:- no how
Mc :- it's called plot armour
Iam thing is vempire stupid they are dieing from stabbing shooting.
Mc super power sniper who can shoot 1 km
Meet Viacheslav Kovalskyi sniper 3,800 m distance.
Story is like fight stab die
Mc :- yoo! I am alive
Antagonist:- no how
Mc :- it's called plot armour
Iam thing is vempire stupid they are dieing from stabbing shooting.
Mc super power sniper who can shoot 1 km
Meet Viacheslav Kovalskyi sniper 3,800 m distance.
- Oct 1, 2019
- 2,992
- 3,531
I hate when games quit without giving a heads up the update is ending. Granted, I grew up playing Sierra games, so I am in habit of saving A LOT, so I don't have to go that far back to make a save at the end, but still annoying. Anyways, that aside, pretty long for a prologue. Like if this is just a prologue, how long is a chapter going to be? However, the story itself, very interesting.
Curious on where this going to go. Thank you for this, and looking forward for more!!!
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Curious on where this going to go. Thank you for this, and looking forward for more!!!
- Jan 21, 2024
- 916
- 1,157
Ok, this is the most alarming development. Multiple complaints now that I will have no choices. That's the clear red flag now, not whatever extraneous detail.
Because some girls suck and I prefer to focus on the girls that matter to me. On a separate note, we need a monogamy tag. The most promising new AVN of last year and then the one of this new year would love that tag.
Feminine facial features mean more attractive to girls as it smoothens your features and make you less threatening and abusive-looking, so that's a win
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wow okay.... this needs some serious polishing in the writing,and a Harem and NTR game together???
Harem and NTR games are so different from each other that can never work together in one game.
the writing needs from the ground up a remake because it looks like it were made by a translator.
and a race of Vampires are trained as snipers,but are all like magic beeings really???
Jesus that is so lame in itself to make this into a story.
and skipping the sex scenes?? WTF??
all in all a not bad idea the MC beeing a pure blood vampire and a royal one at that,but the rest......??
Harem and NTR games are so different from each other that can never work together in one game.
the writing needs from the ground up a remake because it looks like it were made by a translator.
and a race of Vampires are trained as snipers,but are all like magic beeings really???
Jesus that is so lame in itself to make this into a story.
and skipping the sex scenes?? WTF??
all in all a not bad idea the MC beeing a pure blood vampire and a royal one at that,but the rest......??
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- Mar 10, 2024
- 3,098
- 4,622
The LI logic is ridiculous. The MC clearly doesn't like any of the women. Thinking in the beginning with his rainbow bookbag he might have sugar in the tank. Alex he sees like 3 times, basically tells her he's not interested in her. 5 years later he's in love with her. I understand the spotter 5 years together, but again there is nothing there. Bella OK but you give her no play either. It just doesn't make sense. I played 3 times to see if I missed anything.
There is a war and they are taking 5 freaking years to train what is supposed to be a superhuman coven. Seriously? 5 months would make more sense, I know its super long living creatures, but come on, war doesn't wait on anyone. War is hurry up and wait, then chaos in a snap. Hurry up training, hurry up to the front lines then sit in your kit for shit to hit the fan and then terrifying moments that seem like forever. Again these are vampires that should be able to develop their skills quick, and from what was mentioned its a war against humans. Regardless of who it is against it should not be a year of training.
Also this is a tease game, I get it not having actual fun time on "camera", and there is promise in the story but needs a lot of work. Expand more on the dialogue, the rush in the story would be nice if there were actual sex scenes so we can get to them without prolonged drama. Prologue or not this needs more meat.
For now I say promising but no prize, 2.5 of 5, 4 out of 10 or whatever.
Improve it please, don't get disheartened just take the comments and use them to better things up. Ignore the toxic stuff and understand that creative criticism means people are interested. I am interested and many more are too. Have a good day and good luck.
Also this is a tease game, I get it not having actual fun time on "camera", and there is promise in the story but needs a lot of work. Expand more on the dialogue, the rush in the story would be nice if there were actual sex scenes so we can get to them without prolonged drama. Prologue or not this needs more meat.
For now I say promising but no prize, 2.5 of 5, 4 out of 10 or whatever.
Improve it please, don't get disheartened just take the comments and use them to better things up. Ignore the toxic stuff and understand that creative criticism means people are interested. I am interested and many more are too. Have a good day and good luck.
- Sep 19, 2022
- 20
- 17
I'm sold since I read the words "vamp" and saw some pics of brunettes; I would like more gingers...but meh, perhaps in future I see some of those
- Aug 18, 2016
- 4,259
- 43,458
Thanks Dev, I enjoyed it so far as I'm a bit of fan of most thing Vampire or werewolf. Best of luck
Everyone wants a piece of a ginger. As I brush my ginger hair lol or left of it through balding lmao.
i would like littlebit more choices.
It feels more like a KINETIK its sad maybe its get better in the next Update if not it should get a kinetic tag
It feels more like a KINETIK its sad maybe its get better in the next Update if not it should get a kinetic tag
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- Jan 29, 2025
- 1
- 1
OH MY GOOD LORD THIS GAME IS TRASH, IT IS PURE GARBAGE! Nah This Was Not Released It Escaped, Like It Had Some Potential But damn It Disappoints So Hard To The Fact I Regret Playing It, Dev Don't Continue With This, REMAKE IT, And Please Let Us Make More Choices In This, The MC Had A Sex Scene, But Where It Was, NOWHERE TO BE SEEN, God, This Is So Garbage, Couldn't Even Make One Good Choice! I Really Hate It!
The NTR + harem game cycle continues. Can't wait to see this turn into a dumpster fire cuckfest.
- Apr 27, 2022
- 142
- 162
Game is a mess.
Theres a lot of feedback i could give but honestly, cant be arsed.
But ill still give u some.
Your entire game needs to get back to the drawing board and remake that shit. its a hot mess.
Your timeline is all over the place, constantly contradicting information.
5 years to 10 years to training for a few days to having later that night passing by like 5 years back to a few months and 5 years and 10 years and so on and on and on. Its a mess.
at this point your game doesnt make sense anymore... rework your game. get your story straight, create personalities for your characters, dont make them all airheads...
if writing is an issue, pick a book up, read it, fantasy, etc etc,that fits your style.
conversations needs to be fluent and fluid. it needs to match the characters, their personalities, the scene thats going, the people around. all of it influice said settings.
also... 80 years being vamp then he goes to school? vamps would be anti social as fuck.also why waste 80 years when they could have gotten training in that time frame.
theres too much mess going around.
it appears you are on a budget, unless you a cheapass but even then, u cant let your renders look like you're a serial killing using magazine letters sending death threaths.
stuff just look out of place, opens dorm room, a grey brickwall, rainbow bag, babyhead on whats suppose to be a - 7 year old.
==
if this is a get a quick fix on the money then it failed already.
if u doing this cause u have a story to tell, then take your time. dont rush this. it def should not have been released... but then again if this is the quality we would be getting in future chaps then at least u have feedback from others as well on what you possibly need to work on.
back to the drawingboard. take your time.
honestly, do an entire rework. flesh the story out. i hope you're watching the thread and are taking the feedback and then go back to rework..
you could choose to just make the next chapters great but with all the inconsistency going on it would just further break and ruin your story.
wish you good luck on future dev.
Theres a lot of feedback i could give but honestly, cant be arsed.
But ill still give u some.
Your entire game needs to get back to the drawing board and remake that shit. its a hot mess.
Your timeline is all over the place, constantly contradicting information.
5 years to 10 years to training for a few days to having later that night passing by like 5 years back to a few months and 5 years and 10 years and so on and on and on. Its a mess.
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if writing is an issue, pick a book up, read it, fantasy, etc etc,that fits your style.
conversations needs to be fluent and fluid. it needs to match the characters, their personalities, the scene thats going, the people around. all of it influice said settings.
also... 80 years being vamp then he goes to school? vamps would be anti social as fuck.also why waste 80 years when they could have gotten training in that time frame.
theres too much mess going around.
it appears you are on a budget, unless you a cheapass but even then, u cant let your renders look like you're a serial killing using magazine letters sending death threaths.
stuff just look out of place, opens dorm room, a grey brickwall, rainbow bag, babyhead on whats suppose to be a - 7 year old.
==
if this is a get a quick fix on the money then it failed already.
if u doing this cause u have a story to tell, then take your time. dont rush this. it def should not have been released... but then again if this is the quality we would be getting in future chaps then at least u have feedback from others as well on what you possibly need to work on.
back to the drawingboard. take your time.
honestly, do an entire rework. flesh the story out. i hope you're watching the thread and are taking the feedback and then go back to rework..
you could choose to just make the next chapters great but with all the inconsistency going on it would just further break and ruin your story.
wish you good luck on future dev.
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- Aug 20, 2016
- 572
- 590
Bit of a parson's egg, this one. It's all right in parts.
The renders are good quality, the hero is likable (which always helps).
I like what the dev is trying to do with the setting,l but it's not really landing. The intention seems to be a mashup of Buffy style high school drama, only where everyone is a vampire, and with a generous helping of World Of Darkness feuding vampire clans. Trouble is the game spends all its time subverting expectations and turning cliches on their head, which would be a good thing, except that we never really get a chance to catch a breath and get our bearings. This sort of overturning genre expectations works best when the player thinks they know what to expect and are shocked when it doesn't happen. I never really got to the point of feeling I was on familiar ground, and so all these little genre tweaks came across as random noise.
It doesn't help (and this is admittedly a small thing) that all the vamps appear to be daywalkers or the local equivalent. So our hero spends more time in sunlight than he does lurking in shadows and that further kills the "vampire" mood of the game.
Finally, more a point of personal preference than anything I suppose, but what I've played so far is pretty much at the visual novel end of the Ren'Py VN-to-sandbox spectrum. The start of the game tells us that choices can't be rolled back so choose wisely, but the only choice I've had so far has been to sleep on a bench of go running to complain to teacher and I'm not really feeling any sense of agency. Add the fact that the text boxes are slow to appear, even with text speed at maximum, and I'm trying to read a novel which leaves a lot unexplained, and I'm trying to read in in short staccato paragraphs.
As far as the world goes, I'm sure most of questions will be answered at some point. The game gives tantalizing hints of great events happening behind the scenes and I'm genuinely curious to find out more about the world. I'm just not sure I have the stamina to do it in the current format.
The renders are good quality, the hero is likable (which always helps).
I like what the dev is trying to do with the setting,l but it's not really landing. The intention seems to be a mashup of Buffy style high school drama, only where everyone is a vampire, and with a generous helping of World Of Darkness feuding vampire clans. Trouble is the game spends all its time subverting expectations and turning cliches on their head, which would be a good thing, except that we never really get a chance to catch a breath and get our bearings. This sort of overturning genre expectations works best when the player thinks they know what to expect and are shocked when it doesn't happen. I never really got to the point of feeling I was on familiar ground, and so all these little genre tweaks came across as random noise.
It doesn't help (and this is admittedly a small thing) that all the vamps appear to be daywalkers or the local equivalent. So our hero spends more time in sunlight than he does lurking in shadows and that further kills the "vampire" mood of the game.
Finally, more a point of personal preference than anything I suppose, but what I've played so far is pretty much at the visual novel end of the Ren'Py VN-to-sandbox spectrum. The start of the game tells us that choices can't be rolled back so choose wisely, but the only choice I've had so far has been to sleep on a bench of go running to complain to teacher and I'm not really feeling any sense of agency. Add the fact that the text boxes are slow to appear, even with text speed at maximum, and I'm trying to read a novel which leaves a lot unexplained, and I'm trying to read in in short staccato paragraphs.
As far as the world goes, I'm sure most of questions will be answered at some point. The game gives tantalizing hints of great events happening behind the scenes and I'm genuinely curious to find out more about the world. I'm just not sure I have the stamina to do it in the current format.