Yeah, it's too fucking long and English isn't my main language but I don't think it's that bad
The main reason for this scene being the way it is was mostly because I wanna do scenes with VA and well I need to find a way to make it good. So like if this scene had VA, you wouldn't need to smash the endless Next buttons. Instead it would just play out the dialogues one by one etc.
Whatever, most people agree that it's too long even if they like the writing or not... So I'll probably go with shorter scenes or with scenes like The Antique Business which has dialogue choices so you don't need to read everything.
Lastly, yeah it's porn but it gets stale when you see the same stuff all the time. I think the different situations you encounter in porn makes it better. As I said I just need to balance the amount of text