What I look for and what I end up trying, don't always mesh... I'm a sucker for well written and playable romance themed visual novels/games... Even if that means only one or a few of those characters fall under the romance story theme... If it exists, is told well, and feels immersive, then I'm usually a happy camper...
Now, is that the only type I find and end up liking? Not always, even if it's my personal preference... If a story is being told well, doesn't include forced NTR, doesn't go overly dark on it's subject matter, is entertaining, and put together well, then I can be just as happy reading/playing it, as something else that has romance in it... I could sit here and try to over analyze what I prefer, but I'ld rather just keep it simple...
I don't play/read Erotic/Adult Visual Novels and/or games to just get my jollies and move on... If I wanted that, there are millions of real life porn vids for all that... I want to be entertained, with a good story and/or fun game play... If a visual novel is told well, and the erotic content is slow to develop, as long as I was having fun reading it along the way, it doesn't matter to me... I don't seek out Erotic/Adult VN/Games for porn value, there is already too much of that... I seek it out for entertainment value along side some porn/erotic value... With so many options available, I will run into those I hate, those I dislike, those I'm neutral with, those I like, and those I love... Some folks think that the Erotic/Adult VN/Game market is all about the porn, and in some cases that is true... But there are many more that don't have that as their overall purpose... It's more like a side benefit... Even if that benefit appears more often in one VN/game then the other... As long as it's done well, unique, and fun to read/play, I'm all for it...
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