Ok,
So I've been seeing a lot of speculation over the past couple of days. it looks like a few of you had a little too much 4th of July "Special Juice" and thought you'd start making stuff up.
Like my mom used to say to me as a child, "Mike, stop making shit up - your father is not president Reagan".
I took all of this feedback, back to Tom- He laughed hysterically on the phone and told me that in no uncertain circumstance is the father alive and sex-changed to look like a woman, he also said please don't think he's a monster, because that is simply what you all are trying to turn him into on this thread. He said people must have been watching Ace Ventura Pet Detective too much and Katie and Jenna are not players for the 1993 Miami Dolphins. So cool it.
In fact I asked him for a few subtle hints as to what's going on. - He asked that I communicate the following.
1) Though the father is indeed dead, he MAY be reincarnated as the stalkers dog, and that in an elaborate scheme the dog is making the stalker look bad by routinely sniffing panties all around town.
2) His biological mother MAY in fact be the hairdresser who changed Zarah's hair and she MAY have magical powers that when a certain substance interacts with the hair, the result could be world domination something akin to "Something about Mary"
3) The "Party" that they all went to a few episodes back, the host who was so awkwardly shamed when the video was shown MAY be 75 years old and actually was given eternal youth from a special serum she received at a social gathering. That she was the younger wife of a Bruce Willis looking mofo and had a fight against a woman who surprisingly looks like Meryl Streep where they both learned life lessons and that their bodies can be kept looking young with lots of spray paint.
4) The entire story about the beach house is intertwined with "Dating my Daughter", "Milf's Resort", "Summertime Saga" and Family Matters (The Steve Urkel Show-Not the Game)
5) They're also working on voice-overs currently "Spoiler Alert" MC will be played by Sacha Baron Cohen, Monica will be played by Adam Sandler in the voice of the old man from 8 crazy nights, the two Daughters will be played by Tia and Tamara respectively and Zarah... wait for it... will be played by Flava Flav.
6) Also, Tom mentioned to me, confidentially of course, that he's thinking of rewriting the beginning, as a young man is stow away on a ship. The same ship his father once sailed on. and moving the story to the time of Christopher Columbus Changing the names to the following
MC: Robin of Gravlox
Monica: Maid Milfitor
Zarah: Nubia Goddess of Phobos
and the Two Sisters: Finious and Fern.
This will be an exciting week. See you there.
