VN Ren'Py Whispers of Desire [v0.1] [Mr_Fable]

[Pdr602]

Thank you for taking the time to write this long response. Most of the unnecessary scenes in the initial release was to make the player feel more connected with the characters. I wanted to make the player care about what happens to FMC and MC. As the story progress there will be fewer such unnecessary scenes and interactions between the characters. However, the story overall will still be wordy compared to other VNs as I intend to explore the dynamiccs between the characters and their emotional turmoil as well. I am also planing to keep some of the narration. I understand that it does seem redundant to state something that is already shown in the pictures and some people don't like it. I would say it's more of a personal preference

Mr Fable. I'm sure a large majority didn't critically analyze the story as the gentleman in the rant did. Don't be dismayed. Keep doing what you're doing and support will grow.

 

[Pdr602]

Hello,
Sorry, Mr Fable, but I have a rant coming. All the criticisms I'm going to make are not just for you, but for 95% of the authors of these games that we DO want to love. I also hope you'll take those criticisms as a way to improve the story you're trying to tell and, mostly, how you tell it.
So, here we go. I'm not gonna pretend I'm a great writer or even a decent one, but I can see when something is poorly written and also why. I just played the first few minutes of the game (I've only been given 1 choice to make so far, just for you to see at what point I am in the story), but I can already see the problems. Mostly, it's called "trim out the fat".
I'm going to give an example. There is a render (the renders are very well done btw) where you see Sarah in front of an open fridge, looking at it (the fridge contains only bottles, but it doesn't matter), and you have a line of dialogue that goes something like "Sarah is in front of the fridge contemplating what to make for dinner". Then you click, and there's a new line of dialogue that is her talking to herself and saying something like "hum... let's see". And then you click again, and she says (still on the same render) : "I think I'm going to make chicken with pasta."
Now... What was the point of the 2 previous lines of dialogue ? You have more information than you need just with the last one. You don't need to tell us she's in front of the fridge... We can see it. It's called "show, don't tell" and you're showing it and telling it at the same time ! Worse, the all render, despite being well done graphically, is useless because on the previous render she was telling her husband "Go freshen up in the bathroom, I'm going to make dinner"... So we don't need this render showing her wondering what she's going to cook, we already know she's going to cook something ! If the fact that it's going to be chicken with pasta is not important, you don't need to tell us ! And the rest is the same. We see the husband grabbing two empty glasses... You don't need to write "Alex grabs 2 empty glasses of wine" because, just from the render, nobody was thinking he was riding a seahorse !
Also, I understand what you're going for, you're trying to establish the relationship dynamics of the couple before shit hits the fan, but you don't have to show every detail. It's called starting "in medias res" or "enter late, leave soon". Most of the time, if you want to show a guy going to his work, you just need to make a shot of him dressed in business wear entering through a "corporate looking door" (kinda like a door of glass, for instance), you don't need to show him waking up, pee while scratching his butt then take a shower, brush his teeth, chose what is going to wear, then see him making breakfast and then eating that breakfast, and then showing him leave the house, wait for 10 minutes for the bus and then show the entire commute... If you chose to show one, any, or all of these moments, it's because they have a certain important meaning, or that something significant is going to happen during the moment(s) you're showing, and you don't need a narrator telling us what we're seeing on the screen !
I get that these kinds of kinetic novels are better when they are a slow burn and that's what I'm looking for, but this "show and tell every meaningless detail" feels more like a slow tepidness designed (albeit unconsciously, maybe) to inflate the game time.

Just curious, have you written/published anything? Would love to read it.

 

[KINGKUMAR]

Milf swinging

 

[filourik]

J'ai une petite question. L'Anglais n’étant pas ma langue, j'aurais aimé savoir s'il y a possibilité de traduire le texte sous titré

 

[freakinovagaming]

thank you

 

[Mr Fable]

J'ai une petite question. L'Anglais n’étant pas ma langue, j'aurais aimé savoir s'il y a possibilité de traduire le texte sous titré

Merci de votre intérêt pour le jeu. Nous prévoyons de le sortir prochainement en plusieurs langues. Un sondage sur notre page

You must be registered to see the links

vous permet de voter pour les langues dans lesquelles vous souhaitez que le jeu soit disponible. Ce sondage est ouvert à tous les membres.

Thank you for your interest in the game. We are planning to release the game in different languages in the following releases. There is a poll on our

You must be registered to see the links

page where you can go and vote for which languages you would like the VN to be in. The poll is open to all members.

 

[Couto25]

Good start.

 

[Couto25]

Merci de votre intérêt pour le jeu. Nous prévoyons de le sortir prochainement en plusieurs langues. Un sondage sur notre page

You must be registered to see the links

vous permet de voter pour les langues dans lesquelles vous souhaitez que le jeu soit disponible. Ce sondage est ouvert à tous les membres.

Thank you for your interest in the game. We are planning to release the game in different languages in the following releases. There is a poll on our

You must be registered to see the links

page where you can go and vote for which languages you would like the VN to be in. The poll is open to all members.

Hello Just 3 more questions.
1. Whenever the paths will diverge, just want to ask like as of now you are planning to take 1-2 months for an update...whenever other paths will come into play, will it take more than 4 months of development time to produce a single update?

2. What all fantasies will be covered in this VN?? Anal, group sex, cuckold, BBC , sex with in-laws etc. , swinging will be covered?? The main reason that I didn't want tease fest to go on for more than an year because it will become hard to cover all fantasies as the story progress. Either the story will make no sense while showing these fantasies or these fantasies wont be covered and the story will reach to an end or to a point where it lose it's climax. I can only request to introduce sex after 3/4 updates of tease while the story still interest the audience. Story can go forward with sex if it is good. But tease fest for long time might lose audience if the story is weak. Rest is on you lol.

3. Is this the story of saving relationship where both of them will fight or separate / it's about open relationship where MMC and FMC doesn't mind if the partner get sexually involved with others?

It's too soon to judge as of now as this story has not introduce any turning point yet that catch the interest. As of now, everything is going good in the couple's life. Can you give a brief about the story?

 

[Mr Fable]

Couto25

1. The divergence will start from the 3rd update. Initially 1.5-2 month release time is expected. It will slow down as the number of paths increase. However I intend to keep the update time around 3 months. I plan to hire more artists once the current artists bandwidth runs out given we have enough support to sustain.

2. All the fantasies are listed in the initial posting under tags and planned tags. Each of these fantasies doesn't necessarily need separate routes. Many fantasies can share the same route. Sex is present from the initial release itself. If you mean cheating or NTR scenes those will take some time and will be optional. And there will be some teasing before that happen. However even without NTR/Cheating from FMC and MMC there will be at least one sex scene every update. It might not necessarily be between FMC and MMC, but between other characters.

3. Both options are planned. The first turning point for their relationship will be introduced in the next update. However I do not wanna spoil the story so you would have to wait for the release and see for your self. As an summary I would say that the FMC and MMC will start exploring different fantasies. Whether they explore them with each other as a couple, or with other people depends on player choices.

 

[Pr0GamerJohnny]

I'm here for the sharing/swinging aspect, so I look forward to seeing how you go about doing it. The trip to the bar/club where she danced with that guy was a decent start. I'm not a fan of Diana/William. The shoulder massage was kind of light. I hope when we get to share her, the MC has an option to join in and not just watch.

Sounds like you're mixing this and TAM

 

[blkcrow20]

Sounds like you're mixing this and TAM

It's been a long day. Fuck! I deleted my comment. I'll go back to my corner.

 

[Eleanorduval]

c est bien Que vous parlez français prochain fois que j ai une question j’écrirais en français

 

[Mr Fable]

c est bien Que vous parlez français prochain fois que j ai une question j’écrirais en français

Je ne parle pas français. J'ai utilisé Google Traduction.

 

[filourik]

Merci de votre intérêt pour le jeu. Nous prévoyons de le sortir prochainement en plusieurs langues. Un sondage sur notre page

You must be registered to see the links

vous permet de voter pour les langues dans lesquelles vous souhaitez que le jeu soit disponible. Ce sondage est ouvert à tous les membres.

Thank you for your interest in the game. We are planning to release the game in different languages in the following releases. There is a poll on our

You must be registered to see the links

page where you can go and vote for which languages you would like the VN to be in. The poll is open to all members.

Je vous remercie. Bonne continuation

 

[The7dslegends]

Old ugly bastard plan?