VN Ren'Py Abandoned Witness Protection [v0.1] [Seductive Galaxy]

[Rake Tyler]

I found the characters in this game beautiful, but when I play a game I like to give the protagonist a name since this gives a feeling of closeness to the protagonist, I didn't like playing with a character whose name is pronounced like demon.

 

[Shepard82]

Here is my version of the game with the English completely rehauled. It stays true to the original story, but it should be a lot easier to read now.

I was unable to fix the character profile gallery that is accessible via the cell phone. No idea where those files are.

Google Drive

Can you give me access to this please?

 

[EyeWish1]

Can you give me access to this please?

Done. Let me know if you can't open it..

 

[EyeWish1]

My English rewrite version is on the main page now. Let me know if you have trouble with the link.

My file includes the entire game, so there is no need to download any other file.

 

[RyukXaos]

Dev needs to make the name changeable without having to use a mod and add in a gallery at the least.

 

[Elde]

first time i get a headache due to too many black screen Oo'

 

[Enigemm]

Hmm, the little bit of the story had me. I enjoy good stories and really would like to see where this heads to. I saw the dev is working hard on an update on his Patreon despite the abandon tag here. I like the fact that attention to detail received strong emphasis. I like the fact we're not dealing with the typical AVN Male troupe of lazy, insecure, pushover male that hates waking early. Frankly, that troupe has long outlived its usefulness yet devs still shove it down your throat. Here are a few suggestions going forward:

1. Your female LI's practically have the same bust +/- 2 on average except for Lily, the daughter of the neighbour. While there are a vast majority of huge boobs lovers around the AVN community, there are those that prefer "reality" over fiction even in a fictitious story. I think you'd want to watch that as you introduce more female LI's and add variety here to cater for a wider audience and would-be subscribers.
2. There's a character flaw with Jane. She stated clearly that she's a virgin and will remain so yet her character says otherwise with how she's openly pursuing the MC when they just met. While I'm not saying she has to be Queen Prude, she's way to open about it already salivating on the MC's penis when she saw it.
3. The grammar including subject/verb agreement, tenses and punctuation needs work. While you may not have the cash to pay an editor, there are persons who volunteer (I'm one of them) in fixing scripts. Most devs just treat them to early releases as a thank you. Some, include their name as part of the credits. I'm mostly active on Discord though so if you're interested, send me a DM.
4. The MC wakes daily with an erection. However, you've exaggerated that point far too much. I'd advise you tone it down. It looks like some triangular night stand.
5. Jane's work clothes could do with a fixing. A 'date top' with open back is just not an outfit a receptionist wears at the front desk of any business. Remember, relevance adds to the immersion in your story.
6. Not sure how by how much your workload would increase, but a house with 8 bedrooms and one bathroom is a recipe for chaos unless you have another room(s) designated as the master bedroom and it's just the MC's own and a few others.

I'm looking forward to the back story the mother will provide in the upcoming update.