LinkBox88

Member
Feb 22, 2020
266
532
I have an actual episode release planned for next month. I hope you come back and give it a try and let me know if you have the same feeling about the conversations or anything else that could use improvement. I appreciate the feedback!
Best of luck. I'll definitely be checking it out as you got me hooked with that cliffhanger ending!

I'm always eager to provide feedback but I also tend to get hung up on minor things so only take in what speaks to you and ignore me if we're not vibing.
 
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Ozygator

Engaged Member
Donor
Oct 15, 2016
2,521
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So, interesting concept. I think the MC has a bit of a sheltered/naive view of how women really are. I think he's also been lied to in spirit, even if not 'technically', when he asked Larissa (I think that was her name) if she 'slept with anyone' and she said no.

Well if she fucked a shit ton of men, but never actually slept with any of them, she'd not be lying, in technical terms, but she'd pretty much have shattered the spirit of the question he asked. Or else she's letting them fuck her in the ass and claiming she's saving the pussy for him. Either way, dude's been a cuck he just doesn't know it.

With all that said, there's nothing wrong with the story and how it's set up now, if the following occurs:

1. MC stonewalls his supposed 'saving herself' best female friend, Larissa, and steps way back and stands up for himself. You don't get cum where she had it without sex, unless the dude was getting a pussyjob, but that's much less likely than her simply fucking all the dudes to accomplish her mission.

2. MC in general needs to have backbone and stand up for himself. If someone lies then he lies back, if they cheat, he does the same, only more. Treat fire with fire, only hotter. Too many games, including the one you wrote for, have a spineless cuck as a MC, when they claim not to.

3. If there is sharing and swinging, the dude needs to be getting an equal amount of pussy, and if it's like the woman is out fucking other dudes, he needs to be fucking just as many other chicks. Again, to not make him seem like the mopey, stay at home cuck who just hopes his partner is having a good time banging everyone except him.

'Swinging' especially should be equalized, where if the woman fucks 2 dudes, the MC get's to fuck 2 women, etc. 'Sharing' should be the same, with the dude fucking as many women as any female character fucks dudes.

4. The only tag missing would be 'group sex' which would usually (I think according to the tags) would be situations where the MC has multiple women he's having sex with at the same time, and they are having sex with each other too. That may be in there as one of the other tags, but wanted to mention that.

5. MC pairs up with Brandi to find out what people are *really* doing, and if they are lying to him, he treats them accordingly by cutting them out of his life, or just becominng a sperm receptacle if he fucks them. In the 'job' he's in you have to have someone to trust, and so far at least it doesn't sound like he really has anyone he can trust.

-------------------

So yeah, not a bad start, but it really all depends on how much backbone the MC has, and if he let's women walk all over him or not. The 'other game' you wrote for, I don't know when you came on board, but that is a prime example of what shouldn't happen in this one. Specifically, the MC just sitting back and letting the woman/women call the shots and basically run the show and fuck whoever they want to, when they want to, and then act like it was the guys idea. That 'other game' from the very beginning was the main female character calling all the shots and being in control, and just the MC thought he was. That started as a cuck game that quickly became NTR from the wife's side when she pushed well past 'approved limits' with her actions and deliberately did things to hurt the MC just to 'push him' to get what *she* wanted. I stopped playing that one when the theme of the game, dudes a cuck but just doesn't realize it, started to appear.

We don't need games like that with weak, cuck type MC's, well unless the game intro calls it out, then those who don't like it can avoid it. Hopefully this isn't one of those type games, and the MC is the one who calls all the shots, at least where he's involved. I personally don't care if other characters fuck around with each other if it's all physical, just don't cheat and if they DO cheat as appears to have happened with the demo, have the MC just walk away.

If it's all just sex with no emotional stuff involved then it really doesn't matter who fucks who, the women are all just cocksleeves at that point anyway. But if you lie to someone, that shit needs to be exploded and the MC not tolerate a single second of that as disrespect. So far at least this isn't a cuck game, if it turns into one then that's your choice, but you asked for feedback so here you go. :)
 

duckydoodoo

Member
Nov 9, 2023
397
616
i really dont get why devs keep trying to pull this shit. its a harem game, bad ass MC,.. oop the girl he cared about lied and fucked around behind his back, but she's still a keeper for the MC?

thats not harem thats cuck with extra steps.

i almost fell for it, til i realized dev added planned tags, sharing and swinging after the demo was released, which means MC is gonna forgive the lying bitch. hard pass on this as a story. a maybe on the too tired for anything but lewds list.
 

Silken of D3sire

New Member
Mar 22, 2025
9
30
..being ntr....sharing...or any other tag....doesn't mean the harem tag gets removed...
...u only need 3 ppl to want to fuck the mc......dats all.....
Harem is more than that. It's not about wanting to fuck anyone. Harem is a shonen trope
where they collect waifus. Perversion is usually a driving factor but sex isn't. All because a few
girls want to fuck an MC doesn't make it a harem. Until the idiot starts collecting them like PVC
dolls. Sadly it's a trap a lot of writers/developers fall in to. But it's not always their fault.
It's the whiny self important bitches throwing money at them to add more waifus for
them to fap to. So a simple story about a guy and a girl becomes a guy and 3 girls. Then 5 girls.
Head to Patreon and vote on your favorite girl! New teaser art of girl 12 coming soon! Get those
subs in! Personally it gets on my nerves. But then harem isn't made for me. I'm one of those waifus
Right Griev? :p I want Sycho-phant to send you a DM too, Babe <3
 
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Silken of D3sire

New Member
Mar 22, 2025
9
30
Ozygator and duckydoodoo I honestly don't understand why these kinds of stories keep happening.
I mean I know why. Copy and paste developers is why. I mean I don't understand why they aren't constantly
bombarded with critiques like this. With a majority of people demanding they stop doing this. On top of that
only telling one note, one sides stories where you, the reader, never have a clue what's actually going on
it your life. Or in her life. I get it if a developer/writer has never touched a girl before so has no idea how
we work. It's not an excuse. They can ask. Like I'm always open to help and share and see people succeed.

But you're right. It's always dumb, clumsy or utter incompetent male MCs fixating on the idea of something
but the writers refusing to show shit because they think it's a "mystery" or adds "mystery" when it doesn't
and creates these dumpster fires. And it's never NTR. Or NGR. If they want cheating, just do a cheating story
but if you never actually see the cheating than it isn't cheating because the moron MC is allowing it to happen
to satisfy their own twisted perversions. She's not a wife or girlfriend but a puppet to exploit.
Meanwhile Mr. Impossibly Incompetent and ED afflicted can somehow wrangle a harem for subscribers.

It's up to you guys to demand better and put an end to the copy and paste going on.

It's copy and paste the code but alter the name a little, or copy and paste the artwork and change the name a little.
Say slut in every other sentence. You know. You can tell when I guy has never really had a girl when sloot is the
only descriptor they possess in their vocabulary.

Luckily I know Griev can actually write.

But all devs need to listen.
 

wiseold6996

Well-Known Member
Sep 22, 2020
1,789
2,454
Harem is more than that. It's not about wanting to fuck anyone. Harem is a shonen trope
where they collect waifus. Perversion is usually a driving factor but sex isn't. All because a few
girls want to fuck an MC doesn't make it a harem. Until the idiot starts collecting them like PVC
dolls. Sadly it's a trap a lot of writers/developers fall in to. But it's not always their fault.
It's the whiny self important bitches throwing money at them to add more waifus for
them to fap to. So a simple story about a guy and a girl becomes a guy and 3 girls. Then 5 girls.
Head to Patreon and vote on your favorite girl! New teaser art of girl 12 coming soon! Get those
subs in! Personally it gets on my nerves. But then harem isn't made for me. I'm one of those waifus
Right Griev? :p I want Sycho-phant to send you a DM too, Babe <3
Didn't know all the kings and emperors were watching shonen to get their idea of harem.
 
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Silken of D3sire

New Member
Mar 22, 2025
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Didn't know all the kings and emperors were watching shonen to get their idea of harem.
Yeah, because harem shit is all about that and not ridiculous rehashes of anime. Yeah right.
Harem protagonists are "kings and emperors". smh They are nothing but numb nut pervs
collecting waifus.
 

wiseold6996

Well-Known Member
Sep 22, 2020
1,789
2,454
Yeah, because harem shit is all about that and not ridiculous rehashes of anime. Yeah right.
Harem protagonists are "kings and emperors". smh They are nothing but numb nut pervs
collecting waifus.
I am talking about the concept of harem. Most devs don;t want to do a medieval style vn but they borrowed some concepts from it.The kings were also collecting women or waifus as you call it. It's like bitching about underdog stories come from anime or something. No they were there since mankind began story-telling.
 

Griev

Active Member
Game Developer
Dec 7, 2021
874
2,246
i really dont get why devs keep trying to pull this shit. its a harem game, bad ass MC,.. oop the girl he cared about lied and fucked around behind his back, but she's still a keeper for the MC?

thats not harem thats cuck with extra steps.

i almost fell for it, til i realized dev added planned tags, sharing and swinging after the demo was released, which means MC is gonna forgive the lying bitch. hard pass on this as a story. a maybe on the too tired for anything but lewds list.
It's not a harem game though. There will be sex between multiple individuals, but no relationship. Some one night stands will take place, as it fits the setting.
I didn't place the harem tag, and actually ask for it to be removed. So maybe your anger with Devs is misplaced as far as that goes.
It would be awesome to have that tag removed to avoid comments like this from being made in the future from fans of that genre coming into the thread looking for a game that does not exist.
 

Lerd0

Devoted Member
Uploader
Donor
Jul 29, 2017
11,689
139,581
It's not a harem game though. There will be sex between multiple individuals, but no relationship. Some one night stands will take place, as it fits the setting.
I didn't place the harem tag, and actually ask for it to be removed. So maybe your anger with Devs is misplaced as far as that goes.
It would be awesome to have that tag removed to avoid comments like this from being made in the future from fans of that genre coming into the thread looking for a game that does not exist.
..fine....
..but if in future updates it fits the tag.....i will spank ya.....
 

wiseold6996

Well-Known Member
Sep 22, 2020
1,789
2,454
It's not a harem game though. There will be sex between multiple individuals, but no relationship. Some one night stands will take place, as it fits the setting.
I didn't place the harem tag, and actually ask for it to be removed. So maybe your anger with Devs is misplaced as far as that goes.
It would be awesome to have that tag removed to avoid comments like this from being made in the future from fans of that genre coming into the thread looking for a game that does not exist.
Yeah actually add the ntr tag. It will reach the potential audience and harems will not come. It's a 2nd best solution.
 

Silken of D3sire

New Member
Mar 22, 2025
9
30
Luckily Griev knows what NTR is, so in the end won't add tags that don't actually apply. That includes NTR if
it isn't truly depicted. He's an honest guy like that. And will have a very irate me, otherwise haha <3
 

duckydoodoo

Member
Nov 9, 2023
397
616
It's not a harem game though. There will be sex between multiple individuals, but no relationship. Some one night stands will take place, as it fits the setting.
I didn't place the harem tag, and actually ask for it to be removed. So maybe your anger with Devs is misplaced as far as that goes.
It would be awesome to have that tag removed to avoid comments like this from being made in the future from fans of that genre coming into the thread looking for a game that does not exist.
i had a girl friend who once took my car without asking, brought it back it back with no gas, spilled soda on the center console and it had a new scratch on the driver side door. when i asked her about it her respone was, "i couldnt find my own car keys and i was hungry". that was her only response.

whats your point, one might think. point is, somehow she thought why she took the car without asking excused all the other mistakes she made.

connection, you only mention the harem tag being incorrect and ignored everything else i said, and suddenly absolved all devs of every mistake, mislead and miscalculation. wait, is your name Venessa by any chance?
 

Silken of D3sire

New Member
Mar 22, 2025
9
30
i had a girl friend who once took my car without asking, brought it back it back with no gas, spilled soda on the center console and it had a new scratch on the driver side door. when i asked her about it her respone was, "i couldnt find my own car keys and i was hungry". that was her only response.

whats your point, one might think. point is, somehow she thought why she took the car without asking excused all the other mistakes she made.

connection, you only mention the harem tag being incorrect and ignored everything else i said, and suddenly absolved all devs of every mistake, mislead and miscalculation. wait, is your name Venessa by any chance?
I told her we needed to clean that mess up but she said you'd be fine with it.
So I was like.. okay. You know he's going to blame you for that soda right? She just said
you'd forgive her. I'm sorry about that by the way. We didn't see all though pot holes. She was
definitely a pot hole magnet that day. That probably a lot to do with that scratch. Or getting too close
to drive thru. I didn't think of that til now. But that guy was cuuuuute. Again, my fault. I asked her to get
closer to the window. She didn't want to. She said if that was the case we should have used my car.
I told her my car pffft. I'd use Griev's car. hahaha.... yeah not so funny now that I think about it...

And waits to be deleted by Sycho-phant... This is relevant by the way.. connected.
You can't decide that because you don't understand the conversation that you should just go
deleting things. Especially without joining the convo and asking. But then why do that? It's socializing.
We're talking about You Only Die Twice and correlations. That means sometimes taking situations and
using them as references to making a point about a subject. Duckydoodoo related to an incident with his car.
I referenced that incident to further drive the conversation. So stop fucking deleting things.
 
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Griev

Active Member
Game Developer
Dec 7, 2021
874
2,246
i had a girl friend ...
Right...
I didn't address the rest of what you typed because it was mainly just you being mad at make-believe scenarios you've created for the future of the story.
...Finished off by a "hard pass on this story!!". I thought you were gone.

What would you like me to address specifically?