VN Ren'Py Onhold Circumstances [Ch. 4] [MrHoneyCraft]

[Dark Silence]

Seems Chadwick Thundercock will not be joining me in this adventure.

That's quite a name.

 

[Chris_Prat]

Seeing some typos here and there; 'remeber' instead of 'remember', 'beleive' for 'believe'...

 

[Dark Silence]

Seeing some typos here and there; 'remeber' instead of 'remember', 'beleive' for 'believe'...

Damn. I do those two a lot. Another one I do 'neice' for 'niece'.

 

[monksims]

Not a strong start in the first chapter: the first typo in the 3rd MC's line (remeber -> remember) and second in the 7th line (beleive -> believe, repeated in the 9th line). Next was absymal -> abysmal. Sandra's intro didn't have any typos that I noticed at first read but the second read uncovered some possible grammar issues like missing articles (a/an/the). I missed them at first possibly due to being native to a language that doesn't have articles. Maybe, try to get a (better) proofreader.

Let's see if I have to turn on the internal typo correction to be able to enjoy the story... I'll come back after I've reached the end of Ch2 once to give more feedback.

 

[Pinsel]

I am confused, is this now cp2? because at the end of cap1 screen , there is no "start cap2 button" And i notice, all endscreens looks after the last play the same, like they stacked up

 

[monksims]

I'm kind of pissed off. Seems like the first chapter really has Endings. They should be called as game-overs. I ended with "Like a sister" and it was GAME OVER. Kind of like a book with 400 pages of which 370 were blank.

Let's see if the next start guides me by not letting me choose choices made in previous playthroughs so I don't have to GUESS so many times that I'll lose interest to this VN. I'd rename the first chapter as Prologue to make it more different from actual chapters of the story AND possibly remake it to a straight up storytelling part to build up the background so the real story could start.

PS. I noticed plenty of typos for parts I already and maybe a couple wrongly tagged lines.

PS2. A 12yo Carrie looks like she was 10 in my eyes.

 

[big_hawg]

I'm kind of pissed off. Seems like the first chapter really has Endings. They should be called as game-overs. I ended with "Like a sister" and it was GAME OVER. Kind of like a book with 400 pages of which 370 were blank.

Let's see if the next start guides me by not letting me choose choices made in previous playthroughs so I don't have to GUESS so many times that I'll lose interest to this VN. I'd rename the first chapter as Prologue to make it more different from actual chapters of the story AND possibly remake it to a straight up storytelling part to build up the background so the real story could start.

PS. I noticed plenty of typos for parts I already and maybe a couple wrongly tagged lines.

PS2. A 12yo Carrie looks like she was 10 in my eyes.

For someone so concerned about minor typos, you seem to miss the part where the dev explicitly states to make a save when there are STARRED OPTIONS. That was so you dont have to go back and replay it from the beginning.

 

[MrHoneyCraft]

Hi All!

Thank you for your comments.

About harem:
No harem ending is planned and while the MC can fool around with some LIs until a certain point, but not with all of them at the same time. (depending on choices).

Lesbian:
Is it avoidable? That's the plan, but I haven't set that in stone yet.

Typos:
Apologies for that. I've updated the download links - hopefully fixed all the typos (Chapter 1 was indeed problematic).

 

[big_hawg]

Just reached chapter 2 after failing multiple times... this game is fuckin craaaaaazy but in a good way. Very good storytelling. Def felt empathy for the MC and Carrie in all endings and now the main story.

 

[monksims]

For someone so concerned about minor typos, you seem to miss the part where the dev explicitly states to make a save when there are STARRED OPTIONS. That was so you dont have to go back and replay it from the beginning.

You missed the point that made me kind of pissed. It was forcing a defined outcome to continue after the chapter 1 prologue.

And, what comes to saving, I save at every choice. By restarting I wanted to see if there was a "new game+" feature to guide towards the correct path instead of me going through all possible combinations blindly and wasting time skipping (and so, having to remember what scenes I was skipping while hunting for the CORRECT outcome in the end of the chapter 1 prologue instead of starting the actual story feeling good.

PS. My thing to typos comes from me being a programmer. Nothing works properly if I misspell a name of a variable or a function.

 

[Raife]

Hi All!

Thank you for your comments.

I like your approach, thus far, dev -- and I enjoyed your creative endings to the prologue. You have essentially one 'true end,' which continues the story, and two alternative histories. That's an interesting method, and absolutely fine.

Choosing to begin with the MC in a hopeless situation without and clear way out was another rather original move. I enjoyed it.

The way you've chosen to tell your story, so far, is admirable. Yes, the MC has a few 'Gary Stu'-esque qualities, but his background is so terrible that he's clearly far from Mr. Perfect.

Excellent work, so far... I'd like to see another strong chapter before I become a supporter, but I'm keeping you in mind.

 

[monksims]

Okay, I got to the end of the content. Time for some feedback...

• Apart from the prologue, characters seem multilayered and interesting. I played a good boy playthrough as my only playthrough. More playthoughs will happen in the future when I've forgotten the storyline. Writing has some humor and dad jokes making otherwise quite heavy topic a bit lighter. I especially liked the staredown between Malana and MC. But, MC recovered too quickly from Malana's low blow.
• Renders are better than average without going overboard. It's difficult to criticise renders for me because I know I'd suck making them.
• I noticed less typos in the later part than in the episode that was good. It doesn't take away the value of a good proofreader that can help with weird song choices. Also, at least one Sophie's line was tagged as Su. It should be easy to find since Su shouldn't have dialogue lines outside the prologue. I recalled one typo: "noone" -> "no one" or "nobody".
• As I mentioned, I would have enjoyed this VN more if the prologue had been more on rails flowing towards a single outcome. As an old tabletop role-playing gamer, maybe I wanted it to be more like building my character so it might be my fault to have certain expections regardless Sandra's intro and warnings about endings.

With these words I'm not trying to force to change the storyline or redo the prologue to cater my taste. Overall, this VN seems to be interesting. Good job! And what a cliffhanger...

 

[nitkonikic]

OK, few things:
- Definitely like the story so far. Prologue was great, set characters nicely and made me care for Carrie.
- MC is not a wimp (for now)

Worrying thing:
- "True" endings - Oh I hate this...it borderline feels like it can end up being a kinetic novel. You either do what dev wants or you get game over screen different ending.
First chapter I ended up getting main ending on first try, but what if I hate what "true choice" is for 2nd chapter? What if there's a choice where I can spare or kill someone I hate in the game, and only way to progress is to spare them or similar?
It's a sharp axe standing right above the story's head, ready to chop any semblance of choice away.

I like the girls, but what worries me is choices might boil down to "flirt" or "rude". Hope that doesn't happen.

Another worrying note, we've got, what, 3-4 girls in the story currently? All of them having some heavy luggage. It's a lot for what's essentially still prologue to a game. As long as dev plans ahead, he can probably resolve it in satisfying manner, but that's another risk.

Going to keep following this one. Might turn out great, might crash and burn.

P.S. I genuinely don't give two flying fucks about spelling errors. Really don't understand why some people get so annoyed with few spelling errors here and there. English is not first language for a lot of devs, and not everyone has people proof-checking shit for them.

Best of luck dev.

 

[Nezron]

for me the only ending I liked was the family with carrie. the others are way too sad for me. (they are well done.. just sad) It is too bad that this ending is a game over.

 

[kibaris]

Not sure i'd want to see the main route given what it implies for Carrie

 

[ambitious1234]

any walkthrough??

 

[Ottoeight]

If you think I'm interested in seeing an abusive and violent man beating a 8 years child as an intro for an erotic themed story, then you must be totally and completely out of your mind.

Don't be surprised when you realise your game hasn't become as popular as you hoped.

 

[nitkonikic]

If you think I'm interested in seeing an abusive and violent man beating a 8 years child as an intro for an erotic themed story, then you must be totally and completely out of your mind.

Don't be surprised when you realise your game hasn't become as popular as you hoped.

Mate, not to whiteknight the dev since I think game has long way to go, but you comment is hilarious.

I mean, you've got Corporate Culture in your signature. A VN about mentally handicapped person used and abused by literally everyone...just, you know, double standards ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

 

[Ottoeight]

I mean, you've got Corporate Culture in your signature. A VN about mentally handicapped person used and abused by literally everyone...just, you know, double standards ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Hopefully NO ONE will ever read what you wrote about Corporate Culture, therefore no one will be misled by your nonsensical and silly intepretation of this game.

Having said this, let's talk about Circumstances:


I endured the first scenes of the prologue and I played the game till the end of chapter 2.

I STRONGLY recommend the Author to:

- remove the whole first chapter and recycle the whole chapter 1 main route as a flashback (might be a good idea as a tale MC tells Clara when he hires her) and throw away the other endings;

- remake early CGs in the beginning of the first chapter involving younger MC and Carrie because they are ugly as fuck: body proportions are wrong and they look deformed.

The rest is really good, in fact. BUT the very beginning of the game is a huge problem.

 

[big_hawg]

Hopefully NO ONE will ever read what you wrote about Corporate Culture, therefore no one will be misled by your nonsensical and silly intepretation of this game.

Having said this, let's talk about Circumstances:


I endured the first scenes of the prologue and I played the game till the end of chapter 2.

I STRONGLY recommend the Author to:

- remove the whole first chapter and recycle the whole chapter 1 main route as a flashback (might be a good idea as a tale MC tells Clara when he hires her) and throw away the other endings;

- remake early CGs in the beginning of the first chapter involving younger MC and Carrie because they are ugly as fuck: body proportions are wrong and they look deformed.

The rest is really good, in fact. BUT the very beginning of the game is a huge problem.

IDK i thought the first chapter was absolutely wild. But i can def see how it would turn people off just looking for a quick fap. It shapes the MC entire personality. Who cares if an underage girl looks ugly AF. MY issue is shes still ugly at 18 . But whatever the other LIs are really pretty.