VN Ren'Py Abandoned Detective Necro [v0.55 Hotfix] [BlackHandGames]

[Alteni]

lets promising ! i will try it !

 

[Deleted member 4822408]

My critic is, even if the story is interesting, it doesn't get to me. Especially with the behaviour of the MC. He gave up his own freedom to fast and says the whole time, that he doesn't really have a choice. He gets pushed around by the person who possesses him, by Natasha and every other one that shows up by "trying to help him". And he doesn't even questions it.

So for some of this, I can't really address the criticism too much without spoiling what's going on in the background but I'll do my best. I felt with MC having been a detective for some time that it may be self-evident that he knows he's being manipulated. I was worried about making an MC who is captain obvious if I had him saying it internally all the time. I'll try to make it clearer in the future that MC is more aware of what's going on.

He is very aware that his deal maker is manipulating him but he can't do much about it ATM. He's trying to be stoic but is pretty distressed about this whole thing. He says at one point "I am not equipped to deal with this." It's fully in the plans that once he gets a handle on his newfound powers, he is going to be more self-assertive. The first scene with him in the next update is about this very thing.

I also tried to slip in the fact that neither the MC nor the player knows everything about what the deal entails. That scene where he makes the deal is going to be revisited many times in the future, each time revealing a little more that things are not what they seemed initially.

She is not his boss but his partner and maybe a supervisor, but as for the intro/first scene, we as the player (not MC) know that she is more than just his boss.

She is his new partner. However, MC is basically a trainee at this point, under her supervision until the "training wheels" come off.

we as the player (not MC) know that she is more than just his boss. She is somewhat connected to the possessor. And she wants him back, that's, at least for what I gathered from the conversations, her only concern. The MC is himself isn't important to her and Grace.

True for now, but you as the player can change that. If you do, there will be a conversation in the future where she comes clean. How things work between the MC, Grace, and Natasha will depend on how much sway the deal maker has over MC.

Also the transition to the CIB happened way to quickly, without agreement from the MC, even if he applied to that place. In one scene he thought about agreeing, and in the next moment, he is part of it. He doesn't question it one bit. He just believes everything, that he get's told.

For this, he has already been hired by them before the game starts. It was stated internally during the first scene with Faiza. He does realize his transfer was too fast, stating that he never signed any papers. This might have been a failing on my part, I may need to make the situation more clear with additional dialogue.

 

[Deleted member 4822408]

But I don't think it is a straight up possession.

Correct, he isn't possessed at all. His situation is very loosely based on how warlocks work in D&D. He made a deal with someone far beyond him.

While they always say "partner" and it may even be formally they are at the same level Natasha is still his de facto boss.

Yes again, for now. I wanted the opening days to feel a little like Training Day with Nat being Denzel Washington and MC being Ethan Hawke. I haven't gotten the chance to show that dynamic yet, but it's coming. I think I made it obvious who she is connected to, so she will try to take MC down a bad path. You can push back against it though, and she will start to give way to you. Grace has a very different personality than Nat, but she is beholden to her for reasons that won't be revealed for a while.

He could legitimately also just be ignorant. Its hard to know what you are getting yourself into when making verbal agreements re: magical contracts with no prior knowledge. A smart man would fight that ignorance with skepticism though.

I think I may have failed in what I was trying to pull off here. I wanted it to feel a bit dream-like so that you the player would be suspicious of what happened.

It was also pretty unclear what the contract with the host involved. It was stated the tradeoff was magic for being the possessor's eyes and ears. The inability to talk about the host wasn't part of the bargain but seemed to be the case regardless- which didn't make much sense.

I tried to clear this up in the conversation with Ophelia, where she tells MC that these beings often hide parts of the deal by not verbalizing it. The deal makers are always far more powerful than those on the receiving end. I imagined it as being like a Mega-Corp giving you a thousand-page contract with 10 minutes to read and sign.

I do generally agree the MC was/is too passive / narrow-minded/ regarding being possessed and finding out about magic ect.

I think one thing that does help push forward the narrative of his agreeableness is the notion he is a detective. The magical people he has met are his only 'leads' concerning magic- so it feels natural that he would pursue them despite putting himself in some dubious / dangerous situations.

His inner monologue didn't convey much doubt, skepticism, or planning based on his situation though. I think that is why he came off a bit passive, block-headed, and submissive in that specific narrative piece.

I think this was a mess up on my part because I didn't want MC to be too whiny. I felt like his distress over the situation was already toeing the line. I was shooting for a more stoic "just get on with it" type of personality. I gave some hints during the couch talk with Glasha that MC has had a rough life, I felt like that would be right for him. I'll tinker with that some more as I continue writing this next update.

 

[ben_sylar]

Not bad at all, I look forward to how this develops

 

[Deleted member 4822408]

i'm honestly more sad about Adam's sister not being an option. how you gonna offer the mom and not the sister

Just a case of not shitting where you eat. She was never planned to be a LI. Adam is weird, but he might be useful and he has connections. I really hope you guys have fun reading his fucked up family dynamic in the future because I've had a lot of fun thinking about it.

Behind the scenes - Her model was wonky with preset expressions. I had to delete like 10 renders because every expression I put on her face made her look either deformed or deranged. I found a few that work thankfully, but it was just luck. I almost changed her model at the last minute. I thought everyone would think she was weird looking too, so I'm surprised at the reaction to her.

BTW dev, any chances for game signatures soon(no idea who makes them)? it's possible i found a new game to replace my RA sig.

I'm not sure. Something to look into in the future.

any chance for some HUGE TITTIES in the future?

Depends on your definition of huge. One character in the future will have some pretty large ones.

I enjoyed this a lot.

Also, the dev is probably already aware, but the opacity slider for the text box seems to be completely broken.

Yes, I do now. It worked fine when launched with the SDK but the release version is busted when I tried it. I spent the free time I had between work trying to figure it out, but I can't see what's causing it. I'm going to try to get some help in the dev forums. If that fails, I'm going to look into another way before 0.2 release.

 

[monk_56]

I think this was a mess up on my part because I didn't want MC to be too whiny. I felt like his distress over the situation was already toeing the line. I was shooting for a more stoic "just get on with it" type of personality. I gave some hints during the couch talk with Glasha that MC has had a rough life, I felt like that would be right for him. I'll tinker with that some more as I continue writing this next update.

Seemed pretty clear based on some hints in 1.1 that the MC killed someone early in his life- so I was definitely picking up on the hints you were dropping via the Glasha x Vaser movie night conversations.

I understand the vibe you are going for now regarding the MCs stoic nature. I can see why wanting the MC not to be a whiner would cut down on inner monologue. Honestly I think you could triage the whole thing with a few one liners where he is trying to develop a plan based on what he knows his situation is.
If he waxes on and on about what a shit situation he is in he comes off as a whiner- if he is actively mentally pursuing ways to gain advantage, prevent himself from getting fucked, or has a fuck it I'm more stoic than Epicurious lets dive into the deep end of this because I don't have other options internal monologue, that is just being active and having a plan

I tried to clear this up in the conversation with Ophelia, where she tells MC that these beings often hide parts of the deal by not verbalizing it. The deal makers are always far more powerful than those on the receiving end. I imagined it as being like a Mega-Corp giving you a thousand-page contract with 10 minutes to read and sign.

I also tried to slip in the fact that neither the MC nor the player knows everything about what the deal entails. That scene where he makes the deal is going to be revisited many times in the future, each time revealing a little more that things are not what they seemed initially.

If the dream sequence where he made the pact will be revisited inception style to reveal further details- that is good. For some reason I came to the conclusion there wasn't much negotiation at all re: a contract and we had seen the totality of it already. I fully expected him to get fucked in his first magical contracts negotiation. So my comment was more about feeling like I didn't see the whole thing to understand where he went wrong or how he handled himself during it- felt like he bit right away and got reeled in hook, line, and sinker.

 

[goodguy80]

Was that all you cared about? not the characters, the story, etc.

Of course I care about all you said. But without DPs, orgies and gangbangs I dont care about anything other in PORN game

 

[muschi26]

Of course I care about all you said. But without DPs, orgies and gangbangs I dont care about anything other in PORN game

Well, I wish you luck on your quest for more content. AFAIK there's no lack of those things elsewhere on the site.

 

[goodguy80]

Well, I wish you luck on your quest for more content. AFAIK there's no lack of those things elsewhere on the site.

Thanks, friend. BTW there is a lack of it, sadly ) maybe those scenes hard to model for 3d autors or something else, dont know...

 

[muschi26]

Thanks, friend. BTW there is a lack of it, sadly ) maybe those scenes hard to model for 3d autors or something else, dont know...

Oh, if you're just looking within 3d then that might be another story, yeah. Sorry I can't recommend anything, as those aren't tags I'm into personally.

 

[Deleted member 4822408]

Honestly I think you could triage the whole thing with a few one liners where he is trying to develop a plan based on what he knows his situation is.

That's pretty much my current plan, I'm going to add a small opening scene that will be a mental inventory of what MC knows and his opinions about it. I appreciate all the feedback you guys have given me so far, it's going a long way toward helping me see my blind spots.

 

[dougiehouser]

I've skimmed over the other comments and responses, so I won't go deep into anything as I think a lot of ppl have covered some good ground, just wanted to give my thoughts.

Firstly, in terms of plotting the MC seems very passive about everything, he just goes/does whatever anyone tells him.

Secondly, the MC's responses to supernatural/magic related events are all over the place; one time he's a terrified schoolgirl wetting his pants, another time he's the witcher barely twitching an eyebrow. It's not like he starts at one end of the scale and ends up at the other, instead he flipflops between the two extremes.

I don't want to sound too negative with those comments, there's obviously been a lot of thought and effort put into the game and the result is very well put together, I just found it difficult to stay 'in' the story at times without getting derailed.

 

[JC07]

Firstly, in terms of plotting the MC seems very passive about everything, he just goes/does whatever anyone tells him.

I believe this is the same one faced by Dev from The Coven. I remember on the first pitch the MC looked like it didn't have a spine. They just accepted what was presented to them without question. There was a lot of complaining and Dev put in some internal monologues that seemed to give it more "life" to the MC, she still seemed passive, but he sort of presented a justification (like, the witches up until then were messing with his head, would it be wise to stand up to them? After he found out that his memories had been authenticated, he really had to fear those people who called themselves his family, after all, what he knew could all be a lie.)
Here, perhaps, it is something similar, Dev knows what is going on and believed that he was being clear and had managed to convey his thoughts. But we as viewers know nothing, so we have the impression that the MC is a coward with no spine unable to question anything that is pushed upon him.

As many have said before, this game reminds us a lot of Reluctant Archon and possibly suffers a great expectation from the community (orphans of Reluctant Archon). I hope it arrives just as good if not better. One thing is for sure BlackHandGames, you have my attention.

 

[Rinbael]

I really love the setting of this game as well as the story but I admit that like other people have said, I think The MC just seems to go along with everything and believes what other characters say and takes it at face value, even when they are clearly suspicious as fuck and trying to manipulate him for their own agenda.

If you hadn't already said that he is an experienced detective I wouldn't have believed it at all and assumed he was just a normal dude. I just hope that as the story develops the MC actually gets a chance to be an actual detective like he is supposed to be.

I also appreciate making all relationships optional since I'm not really a harem fan. Most other characters are either not that interesting to me or are trying to manipulate the MC for their own agenda. Right now the only character I like is Glasha though Faiza seems O.K. I really don't like Natasha at all and hope that you can tell her to fuck off eventually, the same with the demon chick and the guy possessing the MC.

I do like what I have seen of this game so far and I'm excited to see how it develops in the future.

 

[TNVL]

Just a case of not shitting where you eat. She was never planned to be a LI. Adam is weird, but he might be useful and he has connections. I really hope you guys have fun reading his fucked up family dynamic in the future because I've had a lot of fun thinking about it.

Behind the scenes - Her model was wonky with preset expressions. I had to delete like 10 renders because every expression I put on her face made her look either deformed or deranged. I found a few that work thankfully, but it was just luck. I almost changed her model at the last minute. I thought everyone would think she was weird looking too, so I'm surprised at the reaction to her.


I'm not sure. Something to look into in the future.


Depends on your definition of huge. One character in the future will have some pretty large ones.


Yes, I do now. It worked fine when launched with the SDK but the release version is busted when I tried it. I spent the free time I had between work trying to figure it out, but I can't see what's causing it. I'm going to try to get some help in the dev forums. If that fails, I'm going to look into another way before 0.2 release.

Like I am thinking say at least head size, preferably bigger xD

 

[Keifo]

This was an interesting start to the story. I like Glasha a lot and its not easy to find a good balance for a she-orc. You want them to be cool and muscular but often creators go too far and make them a mountain of muscle. Impressive but not attractive.

I liked that she took out her hardware for sexy times.

 

[Deleted member 4822408]

Here, perhaps, it is something similar, Dev knows what is going on and believed that he was being clear and had managed to convey his thoughts. But we as viewers know nothing, so we have the impression that the MC is a coward with no spine unable to question anything that is pushed upon him.

Pretty much this, I made too many assumptions about how things would be interpreted. I'll do better in the future to make sure what MC knows and thinks are more apparent to you.

I really don't like Natasha at all and hope that you can tell her to fuck off eventually, the same with the demon chick and the guy possessing the MC.

Yes, there will be opportunities to get rid of most characters after a certain point.

Like I am thinking say at least head size, preferably bigger xD

ATM, Liliah's are pretty close to Gianna Michaels size. One character in the future will be about the size of Centorea in Monster Musume, but nothing bigger than that.

 

[desmosome]

Yo, if you click on one of the dialogue box colors in the preferences, you can't unclick it.

 

[JJATH]

This is a really good game. I hope it continues. The English is good enough to read as well.

 

[Deleted member 4822408]

So regarding the dialogue box issues, JokerLeader here on the forums has been nice enough to let me use his textbox and font size mod. It'll come preinstalled and will have an opacity slider. If you've played the game Alexandra with his mod, you'll know what to expect. It won't have the same color options, but it is fully functional on both the SDK and release versions.

The only issue I've noticed is that if you load a save, it will load in a white screen. All you have to do is roll back a little to fix it.

In other news, work continues on 0.2. I've written out a scene that I hope clarifies the MC's internal situation, and the renders for it are finished—working on the BBQ scene for day 5 currently. It'll have 2 different paths, so that it will take a few days. I'll likely release the preview on my Patreon when it's finished.