* A larger font would be nice.
* Uh-oh, I'm sensing Engrish...
* All of these short sentences could be strung together to move things along faster. For instance:
The first two years you shared it with your girlfriend. (click)
Well, now she's your ex. (click).
Man you feel so alone right now (click).
You spent the last year alone(click).
You maintain a good relationship with her(click).
Bu7t the breaking was too much (click).
Would be better expressed and flow better like:
The first two years you shared it with your girlfriend.
Well, now she's your ex (click).
Man you feel so alone right now (click).
You spent the last year alone.
You maintain a good relationship with her,
But the breaking was too much (click).
The fewer clicks the better IMO.
* Might be a good idea to switch the stylized logo for Amber's name to the phone screen and use the regular font for the dialogue. It will improve readability.
* I kind of feel this is more verbose than it needs to be.
* Why show us the sequence of the MC going to work when it appears it will have no impact on the game. I'd understand if he bumped into someone on the way or something else out of the ordinary happened, but it seems pointless otherwise.
To me, this is another instance where the drudgery of his daily commute could have been summed u when he was already at work.
* 8 hours working from Thursday morning to Thursday afternoon? That doesn't make a lot of sense, time-wise. Maybe "You worked until quitting time"or "you worked until you had to meet Amber" would have been better choices.
* Um, what's a dependant doing in a store? 'Clerk' or 'Cashier' would probably be a better description.
* Same complaint about the date that I had earlier. Too many clicks, too verbose.
* I know I sound very critical, but I like this so far. I think it's very well written, if a little verbose. It could also be presented a little better.
* There are pros and cons to using original art in VNs. On the plus side, you have a game that doesn't look like everything else out there. On the minus side, because it takes more effort to generate the art, frequently you end up with the visuals being very static and not reflecting the action being described. I'm not expecting a movie, but it would be good if the artwork changed during the scene from time to time. This flashback between the MC and Amber reminds me of this.
* I know I'm in the minority, but I thought that sex scene was too long.
So despite my nitpicking, I liked this a lot. I like the story, and the visuals are good. I do think the dev should find an Englsih speaker to fix the text, and that the dev should also consider presentation, as there are too many clicks and I think the game is too wordy. However, I definitely think it has some good potential.