VN Ren'Py Abandoned Angel of Innocence [v0.7.1 Public] [G12 Games]

3.70 star(s) 13 Votes

Deleted member 997153

I am a meat popsicle
Donor
Game Developer
Nov 7, 2018
1,081
6,868
Nice sex scene, but the script is really a disaster.

To the dev, if you are using Google Translate, then try to use simpler sentences. Some of the dialogue makes no sense. Better yet, see if you can find a proofreader with whom to work. Also, try to avoid idioms. Those are definitely getting lost in translation.

A passable first try, but it will need a lot of work. Good luck!
 

Avaron1974

Resident Lesbian
Aug 22, 2018
24,867
84,872
You've got to have a big ass hotel with that size of your harem.
It's not that big yet.

Katie from Where the Heart is, Cory from My Sister My Roommate, Annie from Heavy Five, Momoyo Kawakami from Majikoi, Mi do from Depraved Awakening and Kathy from Daughter for Desert and Alina from Sisterly Lust.
 
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Carpe Stultus

Engaged Member
Sep 30, 2018
3,402
8,843
It's not that big yet.

Katie from Where the Heart is, Cory from My Sister My Roommate, Annie from Heavy Five, Momoyo Kawakami from Majikoi, Mi do from Depraved Awakening and Kathy from Daughter for Desert and Alina from Sisterly Lust.
Yeah its not harem hotel worthy yet, but you'll get there. At least we have some in common.
 

PoisonJames

Newbie
May 6, 2017
47
65
Some of the dialogue makes no sense. Better yet, see if you can find a proofreader with whom to work. Also, try to avoid idioms. Those are definitely getting lost in translation.
Agreed. Just post that you're looking for a native English speaker to help proofread, and I bet someone will volunteer.

I don't want to be overly critical, but as it stands now the English is nearly game-breaking. I actually stopped playing to come see how others were finding it. You will lose a lot of people if it's this hard to follow the story.
 

ThunderRob

Devoted Member
May 10, 2018
9,497
26,476
came for the nice looking dames..stayed for the "read this as a drunken Yoda" text...translator you need..clear it will become..potential customers you will gain...the dames MC shall boink...
 
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ThunderRob

Devoted Member
May 10, 2018
9,497
26,476
did Liz Taylor and Micheal Jackson have a daughter during their secret sex fling?...generally this dame is attractive..but some views ..i donno..are just off a tad in a kind of creepy way...maybe too much botox o_O
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ThunderRob

Devoted Member
May 10, 2018
9,497
26,476
hmmm...ok..early on tells you your choices will have consequences in the future..so..i hooked up with hotter as heck sort of redhead Sandy..then suddenly..raven haired black lipsticked goddess Cora appears in the picture...that being the one thing that can cancel out a redhead...making me think maybe i should not have penisized Sandy :O lets keep playing and see where this goes :D
 

ThunderRob

Devoted Member
May 10, 2018
9,497
26,476
during my time here..i've learned how to read engrish quite well(wow whatta skill :O ) so i had no problem with this really..yes i want it properly translated...but..i did enjoy what was there..a fair amount of content and some nice scenes for a first release...the renders have a bit of grainy to them but i'm ok with that..my life isnt dependant on perfect crisp images..my internal system can support lower resolutions(i'm adaptable :D ) so..give it a try..if your comfort with engrish is at a certain level now you'll enjoy this.
 

Akamari

Forum Fanatic
Donor
May 28, 2017
4,371
13,328
I see this game as a good way for the dev to learn the gripes, but I don't see much potential in it being more.

THE GOOD:
- Playing as a tabloid journalist is interesting.
- There is a good variety of girls, but some of them should try to look less artificial.
- The sex scene is OK and avoidable.
- MC seems likeable.

THE BAD:
- The choices. It's good that the game at least tries, but after reading the overview I expected more. There is one branching choice and a few of the "proceed with the content/stop". Then there are some choices that are superficial and without much roleplaying value.
- Is this game about MC or about Nelia? Her scenes seemed pointless for the story.
- Thoughts of other characters ruin immersion.
- Render quality is not good, quite grainy at times, but it's not a deal breaker.
- The Photoshoot. One of the least sexy shoots I've seen. Photographer should be fired.
- The Engrish. However, I've seen much worse.

THE UGLY:
- The Makeup. Particularly, Nelia looked like a cheap whore. (It wasn't all bad though, I liked the way Kitty looked).
 

sic1314

Newbie
May 27, 2018
26
18
The English, at present, unreadable; ergo the game unplayable without getting a proofreader.
 

Goblin Baily: DILF

Conversation Conqueror
Sep 29, 2017
7,319
15,634
I see this game as a good way for the dev to learn the gripes, but I don't see much potential in it being more.

THE GOOD:
- Playing as a tabloid journalist is interesting.
- There is a good variety of girls, but some of them should try to look less artificial.
- The sex scene is OK and avoidable.
- MC seems likeable.

THE BAD:
- The choices. It's good that the game at least tries, but after reading the overview I expected more. There is one branching choice and a few of the "proceed with the content/stop". Then there are some choices that are superficial and without much roleplaying value.
- Is this game about MC or about Nelia? Her scenes seemed pointless for the story.
- Thoughts of other characters ruin immersion.
- Render quality is not good, quite grainy at times, but it's not a deal breaker.
- The Photoshoot. One of the least sexy shoots I've seen. Photographer should be fired.
- The Engrish. However, I've seen much worse.

THE UGLY:
- The Makeup. Particularly, Nelia looked like a cheap whore. (It wasn't all bad though, I liked the way Kitty looked).
woah... you are too harsh... @Nottravis spoiled us too much with Heavy Five, now all other games willl look bad in compaison... Angel of innocence is quite good.
 
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Akamari

Forum Fanatic
Donor
May 28, 2017
4,371
13,328
woah... you are too harsh... @Nottravis spoiled us too much with Heavy Five, now all other games willl look ba din compaison... Angel of inteligence is quite good.
I assure you the comparison with Heavy Five was not on my mind, otherwise I would not have even finished this.:)

In my opinion, it's average at best. There are some good points, but also a number of bad design decisions and poor executions.
 

RNDM

Engaged Member
Mar 10, 2018
2,639
3,893
I'm guessing the term the author was shooting for in the intro was ambitious; grasp of the language THIS shaky implies nothing positive...
 

G12 Games

Newbie
Game Developer
Nov 22, 2017
59
412
Nice sex scene, but the script is really a disaster.

To the dev, if you are using Google Translate, then try to use simpler sentences. Some of the dialogue makes no sense. Better yet, see if you can find a proofreader with whom to work. Also, try to avoid idioms. Those are definitely getting lost in translation.

A passable first try, but it will need a lot of work. Good luck!
Good advice, thank you! :)
 

G12 Games

Newbie
Game Developer
Nov 22, 2017
59
412
I see this game as a good way for the dev to learn the gripes, but I don't see much potential in it being more.

THE GOOD:
- Playing as a tabloid journalist is interesting.
- There is a good variety of girls, but some of them should try to look less artificial.
- The sex scene is OK and avoidable.
- MC seems likeable.

THE BAD:
- The choices. It's good that the game at least tries, but after reading the overview I expected more. There is one branching choice and a few of the "proceed with the content/stop". Then there are some choices that are superficial and without much roleplaying value.
- Is this game about MC or about Nelia? Her scenes seemed pointless for the story.
- Thoughts of other characters ruin immersion.
- Render quality is not good, quite grainy at times, but it's not a deal breaker.
- The Photoshoot. One of the least sexy shoots I've seen. Photographer should be fired.
- The Engrish. However, I've seen much worse.

THE UGLY:
- The Makeup. Particularly, Nelia looked like a cheap whore. (It wasn't all bad though, I liked the way Kitty looked).
Thanks for your long rating. It helps me a lot in the future.
 

Akamari

Forum Fanatic
Donor
May 28, 2017
4,371
13,328
Thanks for your long rating. It helps me a lot in the future.
You're welcome. Sorry, if it comes out too negative. If it's any consolation, I've tried two other new games today and yours was the best of the bunch.

Good luck with your project!
 
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3.70 star(s) 13 Votes