This is exactly right. For most the grind is the game. Look at all really successful AVNs, they all avoid giving away the goal too quickly.
Why? It's the same reason I gave to explain why AWAM is so successful despite the glacial update schedule and story pace: the carrot.
Humans have a flaw where we ALWAYS imagine our desires to be better than they will actually be. Whether a toy we want as a kid or a woman we develop a crush on, we always imagine that it'll be better than it ever ends up being once you get it. We want what we can't and/or don't have. When we get it we quickly stop caring.
So the desire to get something is always stronger than actually getting it. So, the grind...the carrot so to speak...is way more powerful than actually getting the carrot.
A game like AWAM is over once Sophia fucks your desired side-character of choice. It will absolutely and slowly begin losing support once it happens and that's normal. The thrill is in the hunt, the desire of something. It remains true for even fake women in a digital story we play.
BBS was so good because of this. You hadn't fucked your main target by update 4, it had a hot target and still enough other stuff going on to keep the player interested.
It was one of the rare games to get the pacing right. AWAM (and a few others) go too slow. It shouldn't take 5 years to get the carrot LOL. Most games, too many to list, go way too fast and you get the carrot way too soon. Some others get it just right. A game like DMD - despite my current gripes about story direction and pacing - had a pretty good waiting period from start to first fuck. BBS also had it right at least up to when it stopped being developed.
So if a dev is only wanting to make money, they need to understand that it takes a bit to get going. Players don't get a single update and then flock to your Patreon, they need to know you'll keep developing the story AND become invested enough in the character (carrot) you dangle in front of them. When that happens, support will come. Don't just give up after 2 updates because you're not making $20,000 a month lol.
I don't think you quite hit the nail in the head there, at least in my opinion.
I agree that delayed pleasure is a wonderful thing. Getting to the destination, the journey itself, is also very rewarding. This is why most games usually attribute levels to sexual content and space it out, you know, first some voyeurism, then some touching, then blowjobs and handjobs, then...
This is important and if it's well done it keeps the fans entertained and money keeps rolling in. If you just rush to full sex scenes with 2 or 3 images people lose interest fast.
The example you gave AWAM does this as well but in that case it just has many more levels. If for a 'normal' game the first step might be a blowjob in AWAM the first level is showing too much cleavage lol
Now, here's where i disagree with you. I like visual novels and I can even like some sandbox where you get the extra feel of 'playing' by having to do actions, travelling, speaking to characters, clicking on items, that's more than fine but as a long time gamer what I ABSOLUTELY dislike is grind! Having to do stupid minigames, having to repeat actions and seeing the same images over and over. This adds nothing. Come on...matching colours, clicking on a moving square at the right time, typing some letters quickly...what is this, pc gaming in 1985?
You want to delay pleasure then do it with content, make the characters grow with more interactions that slowly change their mindset and keep the story moving forward. What you don't do is "click on susan - "not in the mood" - give susan chocolate repeat 10x over 10 days to get to "ok let's fuck like rabbits".
BBS has some sexual kinks in it that you don't often find so it has that going for it, but as far as gameplay it is sucky and that's why anyone that is thinking about trying the game (or replaying) should always start by opening the console and maxing all the values to reduce that stupid nonsensical grind.
