if I may, my two cents. I believe it was the amount of time you two were without contact ( I would guess from what you said, if I am wrong I apologise) which more or less gave you a fresh start.
I am assuming here, but if you both were in contact and around eachother while you both got married, got children and got divorced, perhaps your relationship would not advance. this is not a rule ofcourse and you are on point that people change in their life time plus from their experiences.
I think what the other player says, is that for those four years both mc and the girl were around eachother and mc saw her dating someone else ( a bad guy). I personally would never date a girl, that was in a relationship with someone I know. and the fact that her choice in men is obvious, is, in my book a red flag, which would be vastly magnified if I found out ( or she admited herself) that she was naive, gullible, blind to that the other guy was a bad boy ( or not blind) and chose to fuck with him (or not, I suppose we dont know).
with regards.