I'd wish he'd flesh out the characters a bit more, add some small talk. Pretty much all dialog is linked to an opportunity in some way. Some small talk about how school is going for Lisa, Alice' new "college" is a throw away line during breakfast but you can't ask more about it (although I am sure it will be an opportunity later), some banter during the watching crap with Alice. You know, add character to the characters beyond skipping from one opportunity to another.
Also needs some progress with the other small scenes. You bang Alice on a daily basis, she walks around with her tits out all the time, but when knocking on the door during shower/dressing "oh noes, don't come in, I'm nekid" ..