VN Ren'Py Broken Promises [v0.38] [Light Cavalry]

[SirAlexander111]

take Carli from Depraved Awakening, for example..

Or Jade from aoa.
Little less dramatic, Roxy from uop

 

[portgasdluigi]

Sorry buddy she's taken and she's not my charachter either, one of my friends made her for me and he doesn't allow me too, but this is the 7 mains line up hope OP updates it
View attachment 1561554

Thanks, I honestly felt really terrible when I heard our game wasn't getting well reception, I went dark and felt really bad, I actually wanted to quit, but I snapped out of it and went to the point and the team fixed it

Don't worry we toned it down Grace was young and Naive so just don't worry about those comments, however there is a small dialouge about ti but it's about benoit having a smol pp in the new version if you can read between the lines kek


The update we released is 850 renders kek, Current render count on 0.2 is 50 and that was during the time we were getting bad reviews, I stopped the progress but will continue after the holidays, I've learned and found a few tricks to make it go smoother however I have a 1660 Super, which isn't the best card really so I need an upgrade what i'm saying and I really and I mean really want to do animations, because I don't like doing images going back and forth. If I had a good card I would've learned animations more and done it on the Sakae scene


haha yeah we learned that the hard way

Just a heads up, Windows link on Patreon is coming up as unavailable.

 

[Knight_LC]

Just a heads up, Windows link on Patreon is coming up as unavailable.

hmm I thought I fixed it, I'm on it

Edit: Sorted out

 

[xXwankerXx]

but it's about benoit having a smol pp in the new version if you can read between the lines kek

There's no need to read between the lines when you can basically read it on his forehead, even tho you don't see his forehead in the game yet. It was obvious, even if you guys didn't change the script.

Sorry buddy she's taken and she's not my charachter either, one of my friends made her for me and he doesn't allow me too, but this is the 7 mains line up hope OP updates it

*Sigh* I thought as much after her daughter's conversation with Miss Royce aka Jill from BaDIK. I knew that fucking her while forcing Kylie and Afina to call my MC Big Daddy was just a beautiful dream.

I've learned and found a few tricks to make it go smoother however I have a 1660 Super, which isn't the best card really so I need an upgrade

Smaller updates with 400-500 renders released every 2/3 months sounds like a good option till you guys can afford a 3090. That way you can also 'tweak' the script if there are misunderstandings or plot holes again.

I mean really want to do animations

Animations are good, but high-quality renders and a compelling story are more important. You can always add animations to the game, but the first two are a must.

I honestly felt really terrible when I heard our game wasn't getting well reception, I went dark and felt really bad, I actually wanted to quit, but I snapped out of it and went to the point and the team fixed it

I'm glad you didn't quit, since this game is a really promising one. Ok, it needs some polishing here and there, but as a first project, it's a good start. Just keep your head up, do your job, ignore the negativity and only pay attention to constructive criticism.

 

[Skylaroo]

Actually the point is lawyers most often than not have more deep connections or source verifiers, with some investigating officers, with some other law enforcement officials, and considering the fact that they portrayed her as one of the best in the business, it's obvious to expect such, thus she had better chance of verifying.

Once again, you can't background check someone with no valid reasoning even if you're a law enforcement officer. You can't just background check your potential date without abusing your privilege. That's unethical and against the law. So yes, being a good lawyer means not abusing her privilege/connection for personal use. A corrupt lawyer might do so, but not a good lawyer.

We will sort that out, Ch.2 will have it toned down and we're also gonna make it so you don't read the females minds well a lot of times, but idk how we're gonna do that, we're gonna probably do it a few times but we're toning it down....Well we'll do our best XD

Thank you for this, but I just want to clarify that the issue with the excessive inner monologue is not just from the female characters, but also the MC . My suggestion to tone it down is to write as is first, then identify how many inner monologues there are, re-read those scenes and re-check whether you really need to add the inner monologue or not. You don't need to over-explain everything in the game. Being a game, you can show rather than tell the players of what's happening.

I'll give you an example

Spoiler: The scene where MC first bumped into Grace at the store before they really start talking

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Here's the breakdown:
Total lines: 44
Total spoken lines: 14 out of 44 (31.8%)
Total inner monologue: 30 out of 44 (68.2%)

In reality, that scene would've happened for a few seconds at most. The reason why I said there's a lot of bloated text in this game is because a scene of a few seconds was dragged into requiring 44 lines in which 30 of them are inner monologue. Now of course I understand that the intention of the inner monologue is to give extra detail, but the problem with this is that they aren't being used effectively. In this example, the following scene where MC and Grace actually start to talk to each other, they were basically now just saying what they were thinking before (ex: you're attractive, you look familiar, etc). This makes the majority of the previous inner monologue to be extremely redundant. You're already telling the players what the characters were thinking, and now you're showing the same thing again but in a spoken dialogue. Because you actually need the spoken dialogue to happen to advance the story, then the obvious answer is that you didn't need the inner monologue.

Another note is about the first four inner monologue lines by Grace. You're already showing Grace's heel getting stuck and that she's falling. The players already know that because you made the render for it. So do we really need extra lines to say "oh no, my heel got stuck, I'm losing my balance, this is not good"? The answer is no.

The inner monologue seems to be the trend that happens pretty much throughout the whole game, but over-explaining things (especially the things that are obvious) is not good. I really hope that it can be significantly trimmed.

Alternate method to tone down the inner monologue for next update: challenge yourself to write a script without any inner monologue. Try to create a scene that actually conveys what you want to tell without having to write it down in form of inner monologue.

Wishing you all the very best for next update.

 

[Osamabeenfappin]

Knight_BP Did a speed run through it. Much better job handling the Grace situation. Kudos.

As a small aside I see your writer is a fan of the Chekovs Gun trope.

 

[portgasdluigi]

I feel like I have a responsibility to give my opinion on the 0.1.1 update after how vocal I've been. It's a huge improvement over the original story/dialogue. I'd encourage everyone to give it a try and see for themselves. Grace still had an affair with Benoit (only Benoit, no other guys mentioned) she's clearly over it and wants nothing to do with him. The dialogue is far more palatable (the problem dialogue has been changed) and I enjoyed it a lot and I felt sympathy for Grace at the end. Great job Knight & Sol.

 

[Yuno Gasai]

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Unlocked
Release Version 0.1.1
Hello Patrons this is the fix you guys waited for the Grace's storyline fix
Changelog:
- Fixed typos
- Changed part of Grace's storyline and dialogues
- Fixed a scene where wrong renders are shown

- Added one new soundtrack
Windows

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Mac:

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-Knight

 

[fishbrain]

I'd agree the new update is an improvement. Like the new header too, but since those are the main LI's you can't force side pieces on us!

There was one spot in Grace's initial dialog with Benoit where the text repeats. When he mentions the lingerie she used to wear.

 

[Sngo]

I'd like to publicly apolgise for what i've done to some people with this and some other stuff, when I saw the reviews and how bad the game was recived It broke my heart really since I suffer from depression and I was at my lowest, I love my charachters and wanted everyone to like my game, but in this case I understand why people didn't like this, however this gave me a wakeup call and made the team want to do better.

I feel for you, from your comments here got the feeling of a nice guy from you but you should had said no to all that shit about grace you may be the artist but a dev nonetheless and ruining a character so hard never does good. At least you guys are trying to correct it now.

So if i avoid grace is just sex wise or her participation in the game get lower too?
The less screen time of her the better for me now, if i end up playing the game that is.

After the way she was ruined i don't care about her not even for a second(and im a HUGE lover for blondes and milfs) and i didn't even played the game, just readed here if i had played it would probably be in the ignore list already but still downloaded the game 2 times and ended deleting it 2 times without playing. Will wait for next release to see if there isn't any more surprise because in the 2 times that downlotoed to play ended never playing.

I think the major apologize should be from the writer and not from you since the major fuck up was from him and you are just "running" trying to extinguish the fires. I just dunno how you let a character that you love so much get ruined like that, i remember giving you a "heart" in some post you said you wouldn't be able to see shit with your models but still let Grace get ruined that way.

About your depression i can just wish you all the best and that you overcome it and get well sincerely.
Im not bashing you im just giving my POV and im very direct while talking so dont take it to heart in a bad way honestly.

All in all even if i end up never playing the game i wish you all the best in your game and in your personal life sincerely.

I don't think the problem was her past itself, but the way it was presented to us.
In her first interaction with Benoit it seems like she remembers their time together with a sense of nostalgia. Like she wants to relive those "good ol' days", but decides against it at the very last second.
Then when the blackmailing scene comes, we have to read how much she loves his dick in detail, and then how she was apparently passed around, most likely by him (since he apparently has videos of her with multiple guys), and she was cool with it because... "reasons".
Which to be honest raises another question. If she was passed around in the office, why is she so terrified that people might find out? I mean if her original backstory was that she was jumping from cock to cock, most people would have already known that, right? I don't think that anyone would be shocked to find out that the town bike has some mileage on it's back.
Plus after reading the part about the other dudes, my mind went back to Benoit's original offer to her, to go out for some drinks or something with the guys...

Then it was even worse than i tough from reading here yikes. Town sluts i don't like to bring home, they stay in the street where they belong.

 

[Havik79]

So am I to assume with no harem tag this is to pick one girl and done?.

 

[vogelbeest]

should be from the writer and not from you

Hmmm... i really think he is the writer

Will wait for next release to see if there isn't any more surprise because in the 2 times that downlotoed to play ended never playing.

There's a new version uploaded allready, haven't played it yet myself but it should have changed conversation for Grace and some other small changes if im correct... Feel free to wait for a later version but personally i would suggest taking a chance with this version.

 

[Osamabeenfappin]

Hmmm... i really think he is the writer



There's a new version uploaded allready, haven't played it yet myself but it should have changed conversation for Grace and some other small changes if im correct... Feel free to wait for a later version but personally i would suggest taking a chance with this version.

I did play it,and Grace still has a past. But your not reading her literally getting wet when she's thinking about it. And one part of it is actually kinda funny.

 

[Sngo]

Hmmm... i really think he is the writer



There's a new version uploaded allready, haven't played it yet myself but it should have changed conversation for Grace and some other small changes if im correct... Feel free to wait for a later version but personally i would suggest taking a chance with this version.

From what I gathered knight is the artist and the writer is other dude.

Yeah i kow there is the fix already but im waiting for next update and will see from that. First release had issue's and got fixed second release got issue's again and now fixed thats why I will wait for next updated because it isn't the simple kind of issue's and seems every update come with some big disgusting issue. That's why i prefer to wait, don't want to get attached yet.

 

[Ragnar]

Everything has been said already. Good renders, hot girls and too much dialogues. Still this is an above average VN and the ratings is getting are unfair compared to other games but that's why I don't like the rating system on f95.

Some people hate some character or one element of a game and they have the necessity to give a 1 star review because they can give a zero stars one.
This hurts everyone because the creators take notice and do not take risks or innovate for fear of reviews, which translates into hundreds of clone games.

To the Devs of this VN. Don't pay much attention to that type of comments because you will burn out fast. Keep doing your thing and you will get followers sooner than later.

 

[eddie987]

Ok, just checked the revised version of Grace's arc and it definitely makes her more likeable, at least in my eyes. She still has a past, she still made mistakes, but now they were made because she was young and gullible and not the town bike. Most important, like Osamabeenfappin said, she's not getting wet thinking of that past anymore, but actually looks like she's over it.

Knight_BP
Dude, I've read your comments about how you felt when you first saw the criticism this release got and I want you to keep in mind a couple of things that might help you in the future.
1) I don't know if you guys have the whole story or at least an outline mapped out, but you definitely know a lot more about it than the rest of us. All we know is what we get with each release, so just because someone didn't like something about a small part of the story, doesn't meant they won't like the finished product.
Also, if you already know how a situation will be resolved, it's easy to miss something people who don't know the full story yet, but only a small part, might not like. Case in point, Grace's arc. She could have turn out to be the sweetest person in the game by v0.3 or something, but with what we got before the "revision", it was probably easier to ignore her than feel sympathy for her.
2) Just because you get some negative criticism, doesn't mean people don't like the game as a whole. Especially when they take the time to explain in detail what parts they didn't like. That means they at least see some potential in the game and they care enough to point out what (they think) would help it to reach that potential.
What I mean is you won't find an objectively bad game with 27 pages of comments, so even if you didn't get the response you wanted, you should see just the fact that so many people cared enough to post their thoughts about the game as something positive.

 

[Cotytto]

Honestly Grace is dead to me as a character. No amount of revision or retconning of her will make what happened before leave my mind, ever. Things like that are why people say "Always make a good first impression." because that is what is permanently etched in people's minds. As long as I can utterly ignore her going forward okay. If my ignoring her makes me lose out other content I'll just drop the game as a whole. That is just my feelings on the matter.

And for what it's worth while listening to your prospective audience is good, understanding them is better. You saw how people reacted to Grace and how she as a character was presented. You got a lot of good input from a lot of people. You can use that input to grow as a writer or you can get stubborn and refuse to listen. The former will allow you to branch out as a writer in the future in terms of stories. The latter will deadlock you into an echo chamber of a niche. Either way it is up to you as a writer to decide what you want.

Just remember, the fact that you got so many detailed posts concerning your story means something. The opposite of love isn't hate, it's apathy. If no one cared they would have just ignored the thread and moved on. That they didn't was a testament to the fact they felt it was worth the time to explain in what way they were dissatisfied.

 

[KekWGgWP]

We're gonna do our best, besides doing this keeps me busy and making me not do anything stupid, since I suffer from depression doing this keeps me busy and also like I said earlier my charachters mean sooo much to me, I can't even describe it, sure they are just images for you guys, but I care about them a lot, might be unhealthy but It is what it is. Thanks!

You should actually consider the reviews you get because this is how you know if you need to improve or not, all of the reviews not only the good ones because when a game gets so many bad reviews, you as a creator of that specific game, should ask yourself if something is wrong about your game and you will know what is wrong by taking notice of the reviews.
Getting all emotional over reviews doesn't make any sense because their role is to guide you in making a better game, and it's not like the negative reviews are based on you as a person, it's based on your game and on you as a creator and if you can't deal with this especially if you have mental issues, then maybe you should let someone else to take the leash of the game and consider more your mental health.
Because you need a clear mind and an objective point of view as creator, otherwise you will not succeed and your game will remain at the same level as it is (unless you want to make just a typical plain porn game like many others, if that's the case then you can ignore the reviews altogether as usual)

 

[portgasdluigi]

Honestly Grace is dead to me as a character. No amount of revision or retconning of her will make what happened before leave my mind, ever. Things like that are why people say "Always make a good first impression." because that is what is permanently etched in people's minds. As long as I can utterly ignore her going forward okay. If my ignoring her makes me lose out other content I'll just drop the game as a whole. That is just my feelings on the matter.

And for what it's worth while listening to your prospective audience is good, understanding them is better. You saw how people reacted to Grace and how she as a character was presented. You got a lot of good input from a lot of people. You can use that input to grow as a writer or you can get stubborn and refuse to listen. The former will allow you to branch out as a writer in the future in terms of stories. The latter will deadlock you into an echo chamber of a niche. Either way it is up to you as a writer to decide what you want.

Just remember, the fact that you got so many detailed posts concerning your story means something. The opposite of love isn't hate, it's apathy. If no one cared they would have just ignored the thread and moved on. That they didn't was a testament to the fact they felt it was worth the time to explain in what way they were dissatisfied.

I thought Grace would be dead to me and unfixable after her initial storyline but I was wrong. After playing the update 0.1.1 I can say that Grace has been handled well. I really liked how she came off in the revised version and she's near the top of my list when it comes to Main Girls in BP now. I understand not everyone will agree, but as I said in a previous post, go through her new scenes again and give it a fair chance.

 

[Knight_LC]

You should actually consider the reviews you get because this is how you know if you need to improve or not, all of the reviews not only the good ones because when a game gets so many bad reviews, you as a creator of that specific game, should ask yourself if something is wrong about your game and you will know what is wrong by taking notice of the reviews.
Getting all emotional over reviews doesn't make any sense because their role is to guide you in making a better game, and it's not like the negative reviews are based on you as a person, it's based on your game and on you as a creator and if you can't deal with this especially if you have mental issues, then maybe you should let someone else to take the leash of the game and consider more your mental health.
Because you need a clear mind and an objective point of view as creator, otherwise you will not succeed and your game will remain at the same level as it is (unless you want to make just a typical plain porn game like many others, if that's the case then you can ignore the reviews altogether as usual)

I do read the them from time to time, but some reviews I've noticed where just something I can't really fix lol. But I have a friend who hops on in and checks out what's going on if anyone has something useful for us. Besides we are trying to make something different, sure it's college themed but it has undercover police in it which I loved watching some foreign series about undercover cops. I always was fascinated by that which is why I made this sort of AVN. Later down the line some people will be pissed at me for doing some things but I excpect it and no I don't mean NTR, we are past that. We even said it at the start, but no LI is safe when it comes to their mental health or worst psyhical I'm not gonna promise anything since that would really backfire lol, we're still at the phase where we are adding some bit and pieces, we're fairly new by making a game my writer is a bit experinced when it comes to writing but idk about it in AVN's. However we are taking advice from devs when it comes to some things but we are doing most of the work haha