Can we improve the story telling in porn games?

GuyFreely

Active Member
May 2, 2018
725
2,510
Here we ago again. Some uppity dickhead thinks porn games should be high art.

We've had threads directly or indirectly about this topic a few times. What I'm hoping to do with this thread is to better understand the "problem" and maybe find some solutions or at least provide some advice. I don't know how many devs actually read these forums as most of the games seem to be ripped from Patreon or other sites, but here we go anyway.

Underlying Issues:
Native Language- I think a large portion of us experience these games in English and for many devs, that is not their first language. I put this one here because I think people will be quick to bring it up. I don't think this is actually a source of bad story telling. A poorly translated story and a poorly written story are not the same thing. Misspelled words and incorrect grammar are certainly distracting, but that's not the type of writing issues I want to address.
Lack of Experience- This is certainly a big one. I think it's safe to say that many of the people writing for porn games haven't done a lot of writing before. Based on their specific circumstances, they may not have even been taught much about writing a narrative before.
Lack of Professionals- Highly related to the lack of experience. This covers the idea that many professional or "serious" writers would look down on writing erotic fiction. Also, it probably doesn't pay very well in most cases.
Overconfidence- I think this also stems from a lack of experience, but the idea here is that people don't realize their writing is bad. I'm reminded of auditions on American Idol where someone who misses every single note is singing their heart out. While I imagine a lot of this is staged, I think there are people like this out there. Unfortunately, spirit doesn't make up for lack of talent.
Lack of Interest- What I mean here is that for what seems like many of the players, the writing doesn't matter much. It's hard to say if a poorly written game and a well written version of the same game went head-to-head what would happen. What we know is some games with terrible writing have done very well. So you could point to that and say "see, doesn't matter."

Solutions/Advice:
Read. If you want to write well, a good way to learn is to read good writing. Not simply reading it, but thinking about what makes it good.
Learn. Take a class. Read some guides. There are lots of free ways to improve skills available out there, check them out. One thing I like to do, which I think can help with writing, is watching critiques of movies. You have to find the right reviewer, but learning about the mistakes of others helps you avoid those same mistakes.
Practice. Write some short stories. Something not for an erotic game, just as a stand alone story. Let people read that and see what they think.
Peer Review. I personally have done some writing for an as of yet unreleased game and I have a few people looking at the writing. Now, granted, you need to find someone you know is a good writer and is willing to help you out. I feel like a handful of people on this board would help review writing for other devs. It's very easy to trick yourself into thinking you are great. Even if you are supremely confident in your skills, it never hurts to get a second opinion. If you can be objective about your work, you can improve it.
Let someone else do it. Sometimes you have to face the harsh reality that you aren't very good at something. There's no shame in letting someone else do the writing. Now I'm not saying it's easy to find a solid writer to work with, especially if they are a stranger and money is involved. The point is, it's an option.

Larger Issues:
Erotic games and visual novels are still largely a fan-made effort. As the industry matures, assuming it does, the quality of the products will improve. There seems to be some decent money to be made in erotic fiction, if done correctly. Once the right people start taking notice, we'll see more serious professionals working on titles. The more competition we have in this space, the more important quality of all aspects of a game will be, including the writing. If the industry begins to mature, it may also help legitimize the work for people who were less inclined to do it before. So we might get some indie writers who are willing to try their hand in this market as well. As for discerning consumers, I always look to the movie industry. I feel like the movie industry is extremely mature at this point. There are poorly written spectacle films that do well and well written smaller films that don't. So there will always be room in the market for lowest common denominator type junk food content. At the same time, we can hope for really solid titles that are rewarded for their craftsmanship. While a well written porn game that isn't trying to be a fuck fest might be more niche at this point, if the audience grows on the whole, then it becomes more viable to serve that niche.

Feel free to tell me how wrong I am or to add your own reasons and solutions/advice. If you want to know what qualifies as good story telling or bad story telling, there are a lot of threads on specific aspects of games. I wanted to keep this one more generic.
 

Lemonkeygames

Newbie
Game Developer
Jul 9, 2018
33
61
Just to add on to this - I'll like to recommend this book


This is part of his Blue Books series and is really well written and digestible. A large part of writing is rewriting, the 1st draft should rarely survive your rewrites.
I welcome any further recommendation for books or resources!
 

GuyFreely

Active Member
May 2, 2018
725
2,510
Just to add on to this - I'll like to recommend this book


This is part of his Blue Books series and is really well written and digestible. A large part of writing is rewriting, the 1st draft should rarely survive your rewrites.
I welcome any further recommendation for books or resources!
Ah yes, excellent, I should have said if you have specific resources, feel free to link them.
 

A Nonny Mouse

Newbie
Mar 14, 2019
34
61
If I wanna read a book, I'd read a book, If I just wanna fap, I'll watch porn. But what I personally believe is that with these VN's or sex games there's a certain niche that has a lot of appeal that sometimes you just can't get in porn.
I've read all sorts of different novels and what appealed to me is the wide variety of subjects that just wasn't prevalent in film or television, (until HBO started a new craze)

Game of thrones or the malazan empire;book of the fallen spring to mind, where topics like incest/rape or dwarf sex were topics that were only in writing, transferring these topics into pornography leads to some quite ridiculous acting/writing where you may get 10mins of pre-sex 'hello i've come to fix your womb' bollocks.

Personally I believe these VN's cater for this genre of porn, and is probably why incest is such a popular topic for these games. This is the particular niche that is being filled, pornography with taboo or non mainstream plots, which you won't find on regular websites or supermarket shelves.

That being said, I believe the vast majority download and play these games for pornography reasons, If they get bloated with text and too much creative writing then they change into a form of literature, which is detrimental to this niche. Have you ever tried fapping to a mills and boon novel?
 

Avaron1974

Resident Lesbian
Aug 22, 2018
25,860
89,143
I think writing in these games has a long way to go. Sometimes I find a good one, most of them I end up deleting.

Sex alone doesn't interest me, I need a good story with good characters or I get bored of it. If I just wanted the sex, I wouldn;t be reading a VN i'd be looking at Pornhub.
 

GuyFreely

Active Member
May 2, 2018
725
2,510
If I wanna read a book, I'd read a book, If I just wanna fap, I'll watch porn. But what I personally believe is that with these VN's or sex games there's a certain niche that has a lot of appeal that sometimes you just can't get in porn.
I've read all sorts of different novels and what appealed to me is the wide variety of subjects that just wasn't prevalent in film or television, (until HBO started a new craze)

Game of thrones or the malazan empire;book of the fallen spring to mind, where topics like incest/rape or dwarf sex were topics that were only in writing, transferring these topics into pornography leads to some quite ridiculous acting/writing where you may get 10mins of pre-sex 'hello i've come to fix your womb' bollocks.

Personally I believe these VN's cater for this genre of porn, and is probably why incest is such a popular topic for these games. This is the particular niche that is being filled, pornography with taboo or non mainstream plots, which you won't find on regular websites or supermarket shelves.

That being said, I believe the vast majority download and play these games for pornography reasons, If they get bloated with text and too much creative writing then they change into a form of literature, which is detrimental to this niche. Have you ever tried fapping to a mills and boon novel?
Again, I don't want to get too bogged down in specifics, but good story telling doesn't necessarily mean a lot of words. It might mean more words than bad story telling, but it doesn't have to be a wall of text. For me personally, as the quality of writing goes up, so does my tolerance for the amount of it. If the writing is terrible, I want as little of it as possible. If you are engaged in the story, you will want to know what's going on.
 

A Nonny Mouse

Newbie
Mar 14, 2019
34
61
Again, I don't want to get too bogged down in specifics, but good story telling doesn't necessarily mean a lot of words. It might mean more words than bad story telling, but it doesn't have to be a wall of text. For me personally, as the quality of writing goes up, so does my tolerance for the amount of it. If the writing is terrible, I want as little of it as possible. If you are engaged in the story, you will want to know what's going on.
I agree, however there is a fine line between good writing and too much writing, especially if the readers motive is to knock one out. I'd prefer receiving carpal tunnel from stroking, as opposed to space bar smashing, if you get my meaning?

There are many already established sources for erotic fiction, that explore all sorts of genres and plot-lines, Visual pornography on the other hand is badly lacking, and laughable. Although I do agree with well written text, and the extra experience that it can bring through descriptive writing, but too much can be a bad thing.

EDIT-#but
 
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vir_cotto

Engaged Member
Aug 9, 2017
2,859
13,502
I dropped hundreds of good looking games with nice models because of cringy and atrocious story and writing (dis)abilities.
People saying that you could have a hit game with shitty writing are deluded. Check the most popular games - the story is the reason why they are popular.

Yeah, you could scrap maybe few hundred, but only if you are really lucky and have some really rare, niche fetishes, but that's your top. With lousy writing, you can't be new Mrdots or LewdLab.

A few months ago, I downloaded a game with a promising story... Sex in every fucking scene - I mean, porn films look like something created by Dostoevsky compared to that game - and, of course, I deleted it. It's idiotic and boring - something good for 13 yo kid who's horny 25 hrs per day and with most porn sites blocked by parents - not for any sane adult person.

So, when I see "Oh, I spent two hours skipping text to finally fap" or "Wtf! I took my penis out while I was camping with below zero temperature and my dick froze before I even finished prologue" - everybody can see you're just a bunch of annoying, cringe-worthy kids so - stop it! And - most important - don't ever write a review because you're shitting on good games and praising incoherent bunch of porn scenes. Ask that girl/boy you like out and come back when you're old enough to want to read.
 

polywog

Forum Fanatic
May 19, 2017
4,065
6,295








“We need to show kids that there’s something else than this horrible s*** we see on the internet. If my son treated a woman like that, I would kick his arse to kingdom come.”
 

Deviant Delights

A figment of your imagination
Game Developer
Dec 16, 2018
29
106
Some basic writing tips. Most of these are cliche but worth repeating.

  • Show don't tell. Instead of telling us that the girl is a slut, show us she's a slut through action and dialog.
  • Limit exposition. Nobody likes reading a wall of text. If there's critical information that the reader needs to know, then work it into the story in a way that feels organic.
  • Avoid over explaining. People are pretty good at reading between the lines and interpreting actions. You don't need to hold their hand and explain every little detail.
  • Avoid head hopping. From a narrative perspective it's a little jarring to see other characters inner dialog when they are not the point of view. A good writer will attempt to interpret another character's actions and infer meaning from the MCs point of view. A poor writer will just outright tell us what the character was thinking.
  • Listen to how people talk in real life and try to write dialog that comes across as organic. Nobody talks like:
    • Hi John, how are you today?
    • I'm doing fine, Bill, thanks for asking. How are you?
    • No complaints. How are your wife Nancy and the kids, Alice, Teddy, and Robert doing?
    • etc...
  • Read your dialog aloud to hear how it hits your ear. It may look good on paper but it may not always ring true in your ear.
  • Edit, edit, edit, and the rewrite. If you think your first draft is good enough to publish then wait a few weeks or a month and reread it, because it's most definitely not.
 

BeCe

Purveyor of Blood and Boobs
Game Developer
Jul 26, 2017
607
1,361
I have no idea if my writing is shit or not, no one seems to point out if it's any good or if it's particularly bad. And at this point, I'm almost too scared to ask. Either way, I have a suspicion that there are many who just skip right through all that dialogue just to get to the dirty pictures. I still try my best but there are only so many sex scenes you can write before you feel like you are repeating yourself.
 

A Nonny Mouse

Newbie
Mar 14, 2019
34
61
So, when I see "Oh, I spent two hours skipping text to finally fap" or "Wtf! I took my penis out while I was camping with below zero temperature and my dick froze before I even finished prologue" - everybody can see you're just a bunch of annoying, cringe-worthy kids so - stop it! And - most important - don't ever write a review because you're shitting on good games and praising incoherent bunch of porn scenes. Ask that girl/boy you like out and come back when you're old enough to want to read.
....or alternatively, they could be too old to maintain an erection through the endless dialogue, and feel a bit sleepy and consequently brew a Horlicks whilst trawling through never ending text of thought processes of 'will she, won't she' writing.
Like I mentioned earlier, if people want to read there are plenty of erotic writings and novels, I think the distinguishing characteristics of 'Visual novels' is the fact that they are 'visual' and to see those interesting visuals you have to plow through the text, (much akin to comic books, hence the specific layout).

For example I wouldn't expect to stumble across a literary masterpiece whilst flicking through the Beano or Viz.
 

polywog

Forum Fanatic
May 19, 2017
4,065
6,295
It doesn't have to be text..
Get someone to read the text, some players don't like to read.


Some players like a cheat to get right to the action, nothing wrong with providing a door. If it's too frustrating, they're gonna give a bad review. Let em cheat, it's their loss. Unhappy players aren't going to be patrons, that's for sure.
 

GuyFreely

Active Member
May 2, 2018
725
2,510
I think there is a balance to be struck between reading and sexy content, but that is actually a different skill. Some of that will come down to player's personal preferences. I think it's important to keep in mind that people did ultimately pick to play your game specifically because it is erotic in some way. So I'm of the opinion that you should keep a steady flow of the sexy times. That doesn't mean you can't also tell an interesting story. Even a game where you can mind control people to do whatever you want and don't have to talk to them or develop relationships can still benefit from good writing.
 
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A Nonny Mouse

Newbie
Mar 14, 2019
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Yeah, you could scrap maybe few hundred, but only if you are really lucky and have some really rare, niche fetishes, but that's your top. With lousy writing, you can't be new Mrdots or LewdLab.
I think the reason Mr.dots and Lewdlab are popular is not so much the actual quality, but the quantity of the text. Whilst the story telling is engaging and read worthy, it's also dispersed and interjected with visual fap content at the right times. You can write an excellent story but if your not engaging the visual aspects at the right times, to some people it may feel like a slog if their ultimate aim is to be aroused by visual images.
 

redle

Active Member
Apr 12, 2017
625
1,093
Well written verse is better than bad writing. True enough. Really though I prefer to READ my stories and PLAY my games. SNL did a piece that exemplifies things pretty well...
Now don't get me wrong, I'm not equating the gun and sex. The gun is more action/interaction in general. I can appreciate a slow build. But I want to interact.

Now I've enjoyed my share of VNs/CYOA over the years. I'm not inherently opposed to the concept. But as a genre they fit the mold of "let's go down a path and see what randomly happens" more than having any sort of player's goal. But when it comes to the adult content genre, the player does tend to have a goal. The player rarely has any agency at all. Either there is an obvious point system and he save-scums to choose whichever choice gives the most "points," or he chooses with limited/no feedback and has no idea if he moves closer or farther from his goal. If one does not reach his goal on his first playthrough then he must reread the same bits over and over (or manage a complex set of saves; or skip the text on the reread and hope he can still intelligently answer the choices without the context). Eventually they all tend to boil down to one of two types: completely linear because the "right" choices are obvious, or exhausting because the right choice is not obvious so a player must procedurally step through every single combination of choices.

Reading a story just to hear a tale can be fun. Having minor abilities to influence the plot to see the difference of what happens when he breaks down the front door as opposed to scaling the wall and sneaking in through a second floor window can add some spice to a story. So when I want a good story and some adult content may or may not pop in the concept works great. When instead I want some adult content and the story might happen to veer away completely or randomly drift for awhile down other avenues...

Not only that, but it is rare that the agency the player actually has is meaningful in any way. I've already mentioned the scenario with clear right-choices (and yes, it is meaningful then, but no agency). But when that is not the case I can generally not predict what my actions will cause. When I do not know if my words will be said sarcastically, wisely, earnestly, humorously, etc... all of which are wildly different choices, how can my choice have any meaning to me? Even should my selected words be said in the same vein as I intended, my character's following statement often turns in a direction completely opposing my intent.

So, yes, I am one of those who frequently skip the text and mentally create the game-story from the choices and images. It certainly does not help that I go looking for a game and find all these VNs claiming to be games. I look for a game and get a story, so it doesn't meet my aim. Something like the old ArianeB comes to mind. That played more like a game. That's more of what I'm hoping for when I look for a game and find a VN.

When I go looking for a story and find a VN, well my opinion of the material is then very different.

(As for the query of why are so many VNs so poorly written and what can we do to improve them? Well, that's obvious... and not much. People see other games and think, doing something like that might be fun. Or, I could do that. Etc. Then they try it and release something. People don't say, hmmm... I want to research all aspects of how to do this thing and maybe in a year's time I'll give it a try. Sure, there are people who do research. People who improve their skill. But we are in an age of release anything and everything early and often. There are as many or more well written works now being produced as any time previously. The only difference is that we are seeing tons of other work as well that previously would never have seen the light of day.

And yes, it is a niche market with a negative stigma frequently attached. So long as that is true of society in general the area will always get only the smallest percentage of those with the skill to do the job well actually partaking.)
 

A Nonny Mouse

Newbie
Mar 14, 2019
34
61
I think there is a balance to be struck between reading and sexy content, but that is actually a different skill. Some of that will come down to player's personal preferences. I think it's important to keep in mind that people did ultimately pick to play your game specifically because it is erotic in some way. So I'm of the opinion that you should keep a steady flow of the sexy times. That doesn't mean you can't also tell an interesting story. Even a game where you can mind control people to do whatever you want and don't have to talk to them or develop relationships can still benefit from good writing.
I think timestamps is a good example of still giving visual satisfaction through teasing and sexy images whilst the story line progresses with a continous and harmonious mixing of the two.
Hey, I'm all for an interesting story, What I think makes the best games are when the two components are blended together with neither taking precedence over the other (visuals and text)
 

GuyFreely

Active Member
May 2, 2018
725
2,510
Well written verse is better than bad writing. True enough. Really though I prefer to READ my stories and PLAY my games. SNL did a piece that exemplifies things pretty well...
Now don't get me wrong, I'm not equating the gun and sex. The gun is more action/interaction in general. I can appreciate a slow build. But I want to interact.

Now I've enjoyed my share of VNs/CYOA over the years. I'm not inherently opposed to the concept. But as a genre they fit the mold of "let's go down a path and see what randomly happens" more than having any sort of player's goal. But when it comes to the adult content genre, the player does tend to have a goal. The player rarely has any agency at all. Either there is an obvious point system and he save-scums to choose whichever choice gives the most "points," or he chooses with limited/no feedback and has no idea if he moves closer or farther from his goal. If one does not reach his goal on his first playthrough then he must reread the same bits over and over (or manage a complex set of saves; or skip the text on the reread and hope he can still intelligently answer the choices without the context). Eventually they all tend to boil down to one of two types: completely linear because the "right" choices are obvious, or exhausting because the right choice is not obvious so a player must procedurally step through every single combination of choices.

Reading a story just to hear a tale can be fun. Having minor abilities to influence the plot to see the difference of what happens when he breaks down the front door as opposed to scaling the wall and sneaking in through a second floor window can add some spice to a story. So when I want a good story and some adult content may or may not pop in the concept works great. When instead I want some adult content and the story might happen to veer away completely or randomly drift for awhile down other avenues...

Not only that, but it is rare that the agency the player actually has is meaningful in any way. I've already mentioned the scenario with clear right-choices (and yes, it is meaningful then, but no agency). But when that is not the case I can generally not predict what my actions will cause. When I do not know if my words will be said sarcastically, wisely, earnestly, humorously, etc... all of which are wildly different choices, how can my choice have any meaning to me? Even should my selected words be said in the same vein as I intended, my character's following statement often turns in a direction completely opposing my intent.

So, yes, I am one of those who frequently skip the text and mentally create the game-story from the choices and images. It certainly does not help that I go looking for a game and find all these VNs claiming to be games. I look for a game and get a story, so it doesn't meet my aim. Something like the old ArianeB comes to mind. That played more like a game. That's more of what I'm hoping for when I look for a game and find a VN.

When I go looking for a story and find a VN, well my opinion of the material is then very different.

(As for the query of why are so many VNs so poorly written and what can we do to improve them? Well, that's obvious... and not much. People see other games and think, doing something like that might be fun. Or, I could do that. Etc. Then they try it and release something. People don't say, hmmm... I want to research all aspects of how to do this thing and maybe in a year's time I'll give it a try. Sure, there are people who do research. People who improve their skill. But we are in an age of release anything and everything early and often. There are as many or more well written works now being produced as any time previously. The only difference is that we are seeing tons of other work as well that previously would never have seen the light of day.

And yes, it is a niche market with a negative stigma frequently attached. So long as that is true of society in general the area will always get only the smallest percentage of those with the skill to do the job well actually partaking.)
But what is the deal with Ethan and Damien? Again, I think this comes down to knowing your audience and the audience knowing the game. I mean you can play Last of Us or you can play Gears of War. Not every game with shooting has to be a game about shooting. #im14andthisisdeep