My first language is spanish and I can't avoid the feeling that my english may be decent but it still sucks for a native english speaker
There's absolutely a point in which incomprehensible English can ruin a game, but you're nowhere near it. There are errors and obvious non-native phrasings in your post, but if this message is representative of your capabilities you'll never have any problem getting every bit of your story across to the player.
And if you need to express something that requires more subtlety, there are always editors. Many of whom will volunteer those edits via feedback...here, on Patreon, or wherever.
It's already been mentioned, but I can't stress enough how important it is to go back over your script after a cooling off period. It's amazing how much stuff I write, that I think is pretty good, only to re-read it a week or two later and realize what utter shit it is.
Absolutely. I don't write games, but I do write very long-form erotic fiction, and after several passes through an establishing outline (which is never set in stone) I just go ahead and write. I'll give each chapter two or three passes, usually in an accordion fashion (5000 words, rewrite, another 5000 words, rewrite, etc., followed by one more top-to-bottom editing pass), but then I'll leave everything alone and in the rearview mirror until the entire story is done. By the time you come back to something you thought was perfect three months ago with fresh eyes — and, just as importantly, fresh eyes that know what's coming and what you can/can't/should/shouldn't foreshadow — it's a lot easier to see what just doesn't work, but also what needs emphasis.
As for the original post, I think the biggest issue is that it's difficult for many to decouple the fundamental function of adult games from the fundamental function of porn. The vast majority of porn features only one plot: "1) we're thinking about fucking/have a reason to fuck/are given an opportunity to fuck; 2) we fuck." Even most niche porn, like BDSM, is just pre-interview/scene/post-interview rather than a plotted scenario. It's very tempting, and probably not unrewarded, to make "1) want to fuck; 2) fuck" the plot of a game, VN, or whatever else. But as so many have said here and elsewhere, if that's all we want we should be watching porn because it's
far more efficient in its aims and its execution. Games offer an opportunity to get there via a different, more interactive, and more complex path.
And yet, there are recent threads in this very forum in which people are complaining that they start games "with my dick in my hand, ready to fap" (I mean, does that include while you're adjusting your music/text speed preferences and entering the MC's name? I'm sure there are people who like to slide those controls left and right while fapping — Rule 34, after all — but c'mon) and don't want to see any text get in the way of
bewbz and
"content." As long as that cohort has power — economic, pirating/commenting/complaining, or otherwise — it will always require extra effort
and commitment to attempt an actual story.
I'm
repeating myself from other threads in this forum, but for me a narrative is always about "why?" and "what then?" Even aside from a more complex setting and background, in a sex game it also needs to revolve around the core differentiator (because these are, after all, sex games): why is the sex happening, and why do I (the player) want it to happen? Why do I want to fuck my sister/roommate/secretary/hamster? Why would she/it want to fuck me? What happens when if we do? What happens if I want to and she/it doesn't, or vice-versa? If those questions can be answered, then there's a basis for the gameplay questions:
how am I going to fuck my sister/roommate/secretary/hamster? Nearly every awful, story-free game gets the latter wrong because it never tried to answer the former.