But the points are tied to those major decisions (and minor ones, too), so it's sort of the same thing, isn't it?
Eh, not really. The point threshold for Jaye to propose polyamory is incredibly tight. You have like a 2-point max leeway from getting every possible point with her (it requires 95 Love at a point where a maximum of 97 is possible). To me, thresholds with that little margin for error feel a little synthetic because it means you can do everything right in the relationship
except one or two minor choices and get completely different outcomes.
The point system is useful because it helps simulate an
accumulation of small negative or positive actions. Someone might notice when you've flirted with them a dozen times compared to only like six. But having one missed opportunity isn't likely going to change how they feel, so having 1-2 minor choices have a major impact feels lopsided.
In comparison, choosing something like commitment vs open relationship, to cheat vs not cheat, or whether or not to tell a huge lie is going to be something a partner remembers no matter how many minor gestures you've made. It feels real for these choices to have a major impact entirely on their own.
So, to me, relationship outcomes feel best when they're
primarily based on major choices, with points being a secondary factor. For the best outcomes, it feels fine to me to have no margin for error with major choices, but when it comes to minor ones it really feels best if you have reasonable wiggle room so you don't have to metagame every single minor choice, including ones that aren't necessarily intuitive.
In the case of Jaye/Mal poly, not only do you need to get all the major decisions right but practically all the minor ones too, which is probably one source of frustration for many here. If the point threshold had been just a bit more forgiving, I suspect there'd be fewer complaints (though definitely not no complaints, for reasons already discussed at length).