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4.30 star(s) 3 Votes

ElfenThorne

Newbie
Apr 2, 2022
43
61
Rather u just take off the the rpgm mechanics and either make it into a visual novel or into a renpy.
 

cleanfeel

Active Member
Jun 16, 2017
681
1,906
Highly interest game. The writing is quite intense. It feels like reading a novel, but it's a bit too much. I think the POV thoughts of Scarlet is very wonderfully written. I really believe this is how some narcissistic hot girl thinks. But from a narrative perspective, it's a bit too much to read. Knowing the inner thoughts of Scarlet made the game great especially when describing her first time, yet sometimes it's more effective to keep it verbose. The small interlude she has when she looks at the mirror was great, but again could've been shorter. Simply showing an image of her grabbing her boobs together, and smiling gently thinking "I look great today" would've done it for me instead of the maniacal inner monologue she kinda had.

My favorite character currently is Michelle. Again, I love how you write your women. They actually think like human beings instead of meat bags with holes. I enjoy hearing her inner thoughts about how she wish the BF would stand up for himself more. She plays the role of a meeker women compared to Scarlet, but she also has clear thoughts, like checking out other men around her. However, I would highly recommend you to make the bond between Michelle and MC a bit stronger. Right now, I can't even understand what Michelle sees in MC. He's a complete loser. Maybe give MC some charming traits so he's not completely trash that I won't feel bad about when Michelle fucks other, more dominant men. Michelle should also show more care to MC, rather than "this weakling makes me look bad". IMO Michelle is with this loser who is bullied because she has a nurturing, protective side to her. Maybe Michelle likes the cute twink boy type of MC, only to be more and more attractive to hunks over time.

I would also recommend naming your images better. It's kinda a mess right now. Maybe think of better naming convention or try putting png files into its own directories? Or prefix images with Ch1 (for chapter 1). You're gonna have a bad time as this game goes on, and it's only the prologue.
 
  • Red Heart
Reactions: Prscyse

ohhaiguize

Member
Oct 2, 2018
164
437
the beginning is pretty confusing, the dialog / text is wordy and reads like English is not the devs first language. 2/5 would not play
 

Prscyse

Cheating Crush
Game Developer
Dec 29, 2019
90
203
It's a bit verbose, but better that than the opposite. There's 0 reason for it to be in rpgm (like most games). Needs a chance to save or something before just giving a gameover screen as you've gotten to the end of the content.

Not sure why the gf is such a dick straight out of the gate, I thought she was going to be more of the shy type that gets corrupted. I actually feel a bit sorry for the MC, that was a weird sorta threesome, I thought he was at least going to get blown or something.

Oh and there's 0 choices so far... early days but hopefully not what's stuck with.
Thank you for the feedback. I'll add a warning before the end of the content from now on.

I do plan to add some content for the rest of the sprites in maps, and more story paths instead of just a linear story, but that's in the long term.
 

quanbe

Member
Apr 8, 2019
203
210
so does the mc will get the infamous double golden cuck !!! a rare price only given to people who can be cucked double
 

Prscyse

Cheating Crush
Game Developer
Dec 29, 2019
90
203
It's a bit verbose, but better that than the opposite. There's 0 reason for it to be in rpgm (like most games). Needs a chance to save or something before just giving a gameover screen as you've gotten to the end of the content.

Not sure why the gf is such a dick straight out of the gate, I thought she was going to be more of the shy type that gets corrupted. I actually feel a bit sorry for the MC, that was a weird sorta threesome, I thought he was at least going to get blown or something.

Oh and there's 0 choices so far... early days but hopefully not what's stuck with.
Yes, I do plan on adding more choices. Despite Scarlett is supposed to be naturally a cheater, I do plan on some choices where she doesn't just directly step on the protagonist at every opportunity.
 

Prscyse

Cheating Crush
Game Developer
Dec 29, 2019
90
203
I played and it is good so far but I have a positive criticism: please add name or picture top/side of text because it is really hard to keep track who is talking.
Thanks. I've added names to thoughts for the next version.
 

HikariNova

Member
Nov 23, 2017
456
360
....this is basically a visual novel only using RPG maker instead of some other game engine as this is 99% reading text
 

jonny quest

New Member
Jul 4, 2018
14
20
there is a bug when ever you go to look at an npc in the characters menu it bugs looking for the .png file i bypass it by making a copy of the picture file and then renaming it as a (sv_enemies) then i put it in the img folder.
 

Prscyse

Cheating Crush
Game Developer
Dec 29, 2019
90
203
Highly interest game. The writing is quite intense. It feels like reading a novel, but it's a bit too much. I think the POV thoughts of Scarlet is very wonderfully written. I really believe this is how some narcissistic hot girl thinks. But from a narrative perspective, it's a bit too much to read. Knowing the inner thoughts of Scarlet made the game great especially when describing her first time, yet sometimes it's more effective to keep it verbose. The small interlude she has when she looks at the mirror was great, but again could've been shorter. Simply showing an image of her grabbing her boobs together, and smiling gently thinking "I look great today" would've done it for me instead of the maniacal inner monologue she kinda had.

My favorite character currently is Michelle. Again, I love how you write your women. They actually think like human beings instead of meat bags with holes. I enjoy hearing her inner thoughts about how she wish the BF would stand up for himself more. She plays the role of a meeker women compared to Scarlet, but she also has clear thoughts, like checking out other men around her. However, I would highly recommend you to make the bond between Michelle and MC a bit stronger. Right now, I can't even understand what Michelle sees in MC. He's a complete loser. Maybe give MC some charming traits so he's not completely trash that I won't feel bad about when Michelle fucks other, more dominant men. Michelle should also show more care to MC, rather than "this weakling makes me look bad". IMO Michelle is with this loser who is bullied because she has a nurturing, protective side to her. Maybe Michelle likes the cute twink boy type of MC, only to be more and more attractive to hunks over time.

I would also recommend naming your images better. It's kinda a mess right now. Maybe think of better naming convention or try putting png files into its own directories? Or prefix images with Ch1 (for chapter 1). You're gonna have a bad time as this game goes on, and it's only the prologue.
Yes, I've always missed women's thoughts and characters' thoughts in general whenever I read a novel or play a game, so it surely is what I focus on the most whenever I write something. Thank you for appreciating that.

Yes, I do intend to make the relationship between Michelle and MC more... romantic.

Thank you for the advice about the naming of the images. It's true I just kind of randomly named them. I will start using prefixes as you suggested.

Thank you again for such a detailed review.
 

Prscyse

Cheating Crush
Game Developer
Dec 29, 2019
90
203
the beginning is pretty confusing, the dialog / text is wordy and reads like English is not the devs first language. 2/5 would not play
Yes, that's right. English is not my first language. I'll try to polish the first scene's writing. Thank you.
 
4.30 star(s) 3 Votes