Hey GT... Loving the new update thus far except I have to agree on both of HogRocket's points.
Blume should be a mystery at first. That was not a hint but rather a slap in the face realization that Blume is not an AI. No further mystery...
And, I prefer the "war turned my hair white" explanation to coloring it as well. Not sure where you got hair "blanching" but that does not fly in the states by any stretch of the imagination regardless of what Elle magazine says. (Yes, I looked that shit up! Hahaha
) In the states, folks color, dye or bleach their hair. Those are the commonly accepted terms. In all honesty, the easiest way to get that stark white color is hydrogen peroxide, commonly referred to as "peroxide blonde." However, that process can easily damage your hair to the point it becomes brittle and breaks right off.
Coloring MC's hair just tells me that the war only did a half ass job in traumatizing him. You should reconsider changing at least that point. Having the trauma of war turn his hair white is just better story telling. I will not tell you how to write but will encourage you to go with your initial instincts rather than waffle about changing things like these. You were on a perfect trajectory... now... IDK. Still playing the update at present. Not going to let two small items I see as mistakes ruin the whole show but still have to say that your initial ideas for presenting Blume as a mystery and the "war turned my hair white" were much better than what you have now.
The sound effects are a nice addition however we still need music... desperately... I gave some more thought as to how to handle music and MC's perception of it after the "Day of Infamy." Maybe it should be a muffled sound like when your neighbors play their music too loud but all you can hear is the throb of the beat with zero clarity in the mid and upper ranges... kind of like living inside a subwoofer. You could even use that technique to show from who's point of view you are referring, like in the scene with Dizzy early on... all MC would hear is that muted throb of the bass with no clarity yet when Dizzy speaks, we hear the full track as it would be heard in the club by regular folks. MC hasn't gone deaf. It's just his perception of music that has been altered so none of the melody and harmony make sense to him after his trauma so all he hears is muffled, muted thudding. Does that make sense? As a retired pro musician, I have given this a lot of thought so I hope that made sense.
Adventure ever on my friend, Phat
