This is my first ever VN, hope you guys enjoy it just as much I enjoy making it. Feedback is appreciated.
There is not a whole lot there to judge yet, but I'll give it a shot.
Problem: Characters lack a default name. This part must be fixed.
Characters: The character models are fine. I like redheads and there are a lot in this game, and some are cute.
Drunk Driver: This guy has my greatest sympathies. Honestly, the biggest victim in this story.
Protagonist: Dumb 11-year-old kid that likes to dream, and walk into the street while looking at his phone not looking out for cars.
Dad: Seems like a good guy... so long as you tell him that you liked riding the bike without training wheels and him letting go was fine and you are all happy. If you answer with that you didn't like that... You know him asking the opinion of a child, and answer honestly this guy turns into such a shitty little bitch walking away all sour faced... Then protagonist is all like "how can I be so stupid I'm sorry"... So basically this guy seems like a good parent so long as you tell him what he wants to hear.
Big Sister: She is cute, barely know shit about her.
Little Bro & Sis
Twins? Highlander Syndrome? They got a syndrome that don't let them age, or just the borther does? Sister seems to get upset no matter what you say and is supposed ot be a genius.
Mom: You don't even interact with her. Apparently you are waking up and don't see dream of her, and she is like "OH MY GOD!" when your eyes open. Screaming in the face of the person who just got out of a coma...
Problem: If it's ever made possible to bone the younger redhead girls the game will not be allowed on this site. Apparently Loli is ONLY legal if in 2d not 3d here for some reason. So you can gangbang a bunch of 2nd graders if it's 2d, but you might get in trouble for 10th graders in 3d. Strange double standard. As a solution to this problem for you... Maybe make it so when you got hit by that car it put you in a coma for like 10 years... You would wake up at age 21. Your big sis, and little sis would be acceptable age ranges. Then you can have an excuse for acting like an immature horny preteen.
Exposition: You ramble on a lot about doors... With how much you talk about doors in this there better be some magical doors in this. By answering 2 at the one dream door you meat some hot centaur chick from some fantasy land. It appears almost everything in this version is a part of a dream state.
Problem: Sometimes it appears you follow character perspectives that are not the protagonist. For instance, you followed the perspective of the drunk driver that ran over the stupid 11 year old protagonist walking into the street while looking at his phone. You like follow his whole day... Guy goes into work. He gets fired... His co workers are giving high fives like "fuck that guy, glad he is gone..." So... He is like hell, I'll go have a drink to drown my sorrows.... Goes home from work early... Finds his life long best friend fucking his wife.... in the ass. Is not okay with this... Walks out the door gets back in his car... and if it was ever okay for a man to have a drink now is the time, so the guy goes to have a few beers instead of jumping off a bridge.... So he gets back in his car and then he is all eyes full of tears having the worst day ever and it gets even worse when some stupid child (protagonist) walks out into the middle of the street not at a cross walk, without looking anywhere but at his phone... Then BAM kid gets slammed into by the car driven by a drunk... a drunk that managed to stay in his lines the entire time kinda impressive. Also the car has New York plates so this takes place in New York...
That whole guys day should be removed. It's unnecisary and confusing information. Just show the kid walking into the street getting hit by a car. The driver did NOT need to be drunk, and this could literally happen to any driver, even a good sober driver. The kid is 100% at fault... but knowing how the law is this guy is now in prison getting raped in the ass by Big Black Bubba as a "Child killer"... The absolute worst thing you can do to ruin a story is to follow the perspective of someone other than the protagonist.This guy has it far worse than the protagonist. He lost his wife, job, freedom, best friend, and surely a lot of his money and resources and freedom, and it's not like he is shown doing anything bad or sinister so we can be like, "fuck that guy he deserved it." Protagonist is just having some dreams, gonna wake up all good after his coma. Personally I'm more concerned about the so called drunk driver.
Problem: Sometimes you use too many words, or too big of words like you busted out a thesaurus to get your point across. For instance, one line is:
"My first life ended whit the help of a mind-boggling balance between stupidity and bad luck."
"The adversity came in the guise of a drunk driver who drank himself to oblivion because he had a very, very bad day."
Instead of all that wording, it could have instead been written as something like:
"My life was permanently altered after a car accident that put me into a coma."
Not sure about this game yet. It could be very good, or shit. Time will tell.