VN Ren'Py Abandoned False Promises [Ch. 1 fixed] [Red Armor]

[RedArmor]

Alright, may have promise but it's too early to tell. I am skeptical of this having such a high score when the first chapter didn't tell us much.
Pros: Seems like a slow burn romance which I like, the women are attractive.
Cons: Renders are too dark, the dialogue feels stilted, the MC has a shitty life. A lot of the same assets we've seen other places.

I don't post a rating after the first chapter anymore, now I wait until I've seen 2-3 before posting anything. At the moment this is a 3, has potential but not sure it is going to live up to it.

Thanks for the feedback but I really don't understand your cons
"Renders are too dark" - I'm aware of that and the renders will be fix next chapter.

"The dialogue feels stilted" - Ok, I'll look more into it and see what can be changed but it's very unlikely that something will change.

"The MC has a shitty life" - That's the building for the story, to be honest it triggered me a bit reading it that your "con" was "MC has a shitty life" since that's part of the story and how its supposed to build for later chapters.

"A lot of the same assets we've seen other places." - Its not like there's an unlimited amount of assets that I can use, and also the assets I choose are the assets that I think are the most suitably.

But anyway thanks for playing chapter one hope you enjoyed!

 

[MrFriendly]

Thanks for the feedback but I really don't understand your cons
"Renders are too dark" - I'm aware of that and the renders will be fix next chapter.

Good to know, but the fact remains that with them so dark on your first release there will be many people who skip subsequent releases. You have to remember a lot of people download and play the games without leaving a comment. It would be best if you released a new version of Chapter 1 to replace the current one with the dark images.

"The dialogue feels stilted" - Ok, I'll look more into it and see what can be changed but it's very unlikely that something will change.

The dialogue with Nicole in the alley and in the coffee shop just didn't feel natural. Michelle and Kyla were better, Felix behaved like a jerk boss would. Nicole it seemed as if you struggled with the character or scenes. Obviously I don't know that to be true, that's how the dialogue came off. Same with the principal, that didn't seem well thought out.

"The MC has a shitty life" - That's the building for the story, to be honest it triggered me a bit reading it that your "con" was "MC has a shitty life" since that's part of the story and how its supposed to build for later chapters.

But why would people want to play someone else's shitty life? If there isn't a single bright spot to give the player hope then why would they keep going? It would be nice if there was at least a tease or hint of something good going on in the MC's life - something promising to make playing an ordinary shitty life interesting (other than the "hot chicks to fuck"/porn aspects).

"A lot of the same assets we've seen other places." - Its not like there's an unlimited amount of assets that I can use, and also the assets I choose are the assets that I think are the most suitably.

No there aren't but you could alter or tweak them to be your own. With the number of games that come out in the same space it is best to find some way to stand out. Of course, you don't have be extreme about it just don't use the asset unaltered or you can try and find some assets that aren't incredibly common. Mainly this is in reference to the coffee shop and school.

I would also like to add that I like that you have a doggo in the game, that the MC and his sister get along, and that you aren't planning incest content (at least from what I'd read). The sister is cute but it is refreshing when that doesn't mean they must automatically be an available LI. Best of luck with your game, I really hope you do well with it.

 

[RedArmor]

Important!




This character has been removed from the game.
Reason:
Couldn't think/build a good story for her, so I just went with the characters that I currently have.

 

[RedArmor]

Good to know, but the fact remains that with them so dark on your first release there will be many people who skip subsequent releases. You have to remember a lot of people download and play the games without leaving a comment. It would be best if you released a new version of Chapter 1 to replace the current one with the dark images.



The dialogue with Nicole in the alley and in the coffee shop just didn't feel natural. Michelle and Kyla were better, Felix behaved like a jerk boss would. Nicole it seemed as if you struggled with the character or scenes. Obviously I don't know that to be true, that's how the dialogue came off. Same with the principal, that didn't seem well thought out.



But why would people want to play someone else's shitty life? If there isn't a single bright spot to give the player hope then why would they keep going? It would be nice if there was at least a tease or hint of something good going on in the MC's life - something promising to make playing an ordinary shitty life interesting (other than the "hot chicks to fuck"/porn aspects).



No there aren't but you could alter or tweak them to be your own. With the number of games that come out in the same space it is best to find some way to stand out. Of course, you don't have be extreme about it just don't use the asset unaltered or you can try and find some assets that aren't incredibly common. Mainly this is in reference to the coffee shop and school.

I would also like to add that I like that you have a doggo in the game, that the MC and his sister get along, and that you aren't planning incest content (at least from what I'd read). The sister is cute but it is refreshing when that doesn't mean they must automatically be an available LI. Best of luck with your game, I really hope you do well with it.

Good to know, but the fact remains that with them so dark on your first release there will be many people who skip subsequent releases. You have to remember a lot of people download and play the games without leaving a comment. It would be best if you released a new version of Chapter 1 to replace the current one with the dark images.



The dialogue with Nicole in the alley and in the coffee shop just didn't feel natural. Michelle and Kyla were better, Felix behaved like a jerk boss would. Nicole it seemed as if you struggled with the character or scenes. Obviously I don't know that to be true, that's how the dialogue came off. Same with the principal, that didn't seem well thought out.



But why would people want to play someone else's shitty life? If there isn't a single bright spot to give the player hope then why would they keep going? It would be nice if there was at least a tease or hint of something good going on in the MC's life - something promising to make playing an ordinary shitty life interesting (other than the "hot chicks to fuck"/porn aspects).



No there aren't but you could alter or tweak them to be your own. With the number of games that come out in the same space it is best to find some way to stand out. Of course, you don't have be extreme about it just don't use the asset unaltered or you can try and find some assets that aren't incredibly common. Mainly this is in reference to the coffee shop and school.

I would also like to add that I like that you have a doggo in the game, that the MC and his sister get along, and that you aren't planning incest content (at least from what I'd read). The sister is cute but it is refreshing when that doesn't mean they must automatically be an available LI. Best of luck with your game, I really hope you do well with it.

I still don't agree with "The MC has a shitty life"
It's a visual novel. That's how visual novel goes through progression I know that there is some people that are here just for the sex but you can't expect sex scenes in the first chapter of the game. So the hole "The MC has a shitty life" is pointless in my opinion.

 

[Deleted member 396172]

Important!

View attachment 1646739


This character has been removed from the game.
Reason:
Couldn't think/build a good story for her, so I just went with the characters that I currently have.

its sad i really liked her , anyway i respect ur choice , a story its very important to emerge with the characters.

maybe if u got a story for her in future u can introduce her like side girl , I saw some developers introduce a girl after a few release to become one of the main girls.

Anyway all the best for ur game, i love it .

 

[Mystic]

The title of this game should be associated to most of the Devs here. LMAO.

Jokes aside, it looks nice. I'll give it a shot

We're not all ICSTOR.

 

[Kakato]

We're not all ICSTOR.

That's why I said " most of " and not " All " or " every " . I know there are still a few serious Devs out there.

 

[Mystic]

That's why I said " most of " and not " All " or " every " . I know there are still a few serious Devs out there.

Milfy City update when?

 

[Kakato]

Milfy City update when?

I gave up on this one. I even changed my signature. The " Celia issue " was what triggered everything in the end. I even stopped commenting there. Milfy City will never be completed and ICSTOR's new game is already stillborn. His glory days in the Adult game industry are over now. He should just quit and sell his copyrights to a promising Dev.

 

[Mister_M]

Important!

View attachment 1646739


This character has been removed from the game.
Reason:
Couldn't think/build a good story for her, so I just went with the characters that I currently have.

Speaking of this I just must ask: is Michelle one of the romanceable LIs?

 

[RedArmor]

Speaking of this I just must ask: is Michelle one of the romanceable LIs?

Yes, she is romanceable.

 

[Mister_M]

Yes, she is romanceable.

Thank you for the answer.

 

[L7Bear]

I tried a few different paths, and while each seemed to alter the story (good thing), they all left me with two thoughts:

• There's no hook to grab the player and drag them into the story. It feels like just a bunch of things that happen (or don't) without a theme or point.
• Something awful is probably going to happen to the dog during this game. I really hope I'm wrong about that, but it feels like the game is going to go there.

Good Luck!

 

[lip8246]

I’ve encountered a bug
While loading <'Image' u'Chapters/Chapter1/Menus/Ask_about_parents/AA_parents_10.webp'>:
File "game/script.rpy", line 16, in script call
call Chapter1 from _call_Chapter1
File "game/Scripts/Chapters/Chapter1/Menus/c1Nicole_parents.rpy", line 48, in script
scene c1_AAP_10 with dissolve
IOError: Couldn't find file 'Chapters/Chapter1/Menus/Ask_about_parents/AA_parents_10.webp'.
It seems to be missing images

 

[RedArmor]

I’ve encountered a bug
While loading <'Image' u'Chapters/Chapter1/Menus/Ask_about_parents/AA_parents_10.webp'>:
File "game/script.rpy", line 16, in script call
call Chapter1 from _call_Chapter1
File "game/Scripts/Chapters/Chapter1/Menus/c1Nicole_parents.rpy", line 48, in script
scene c1_AAP_10 with dissolve
IOError: Couldn't find file 'Chapters/Chapter1/Menus/Ask_about_parents/AA_parents_10.webp'.
It seems to be missing images

Yes, I just checked and it seems like there's a messing image. I'm sorry for this, I'll release an fixed version soon.

 

[lip8246]

Yes, I just checked and it seems like there's a messing image. I'm sorry for this, I'll release an fixed version soon.

While loading <'Image' u'Chapters/Chapter1/C1_87DaN+.webp'>:
File "game/script.rpy", line 16, in script call
call Chapter1 from _call_Chapter1
File "game/Scripts/Chapters/Chapter1/Chapter1.rpy", line 979, in script
scene Chap1_222 with dissolve
IOError: Couldn't find file 'Chapters/Chapter1/C1_87DaN+.webp'.
I don't know what to say...

 

[RedArmor]

Chapter 1 fixed version out!

 

[UncleFredo]

Thanks for the update. I agree with the comments on the lighting, otherwise the technical quality is good. I played through several of the branching paths, all of which seem to terminate early based on the actual content that you've produced. For example, the scenes at Michelle's apartment could have been followed by picking sis up at school.

This is just my unsolicited observation. I'm not trying to tell you how to write your story thats entirely up to you. It feels like the branches cut me off from a lot of content very early in the VN and that there is a good deal of critical information or opportunities that get left out. Just my impression. I'm looking forward to CH2.

 

[TheimmortalP]

Hi, I wanna ask a couple questions.

1. I know that someone helped rewrite the demo in common english. Did they help you do the same with Chapter 1?

2. Without going into spoilers, how much content is there in chapter 1 exactly? Can you hook up with anyone yet for example? Does it end on a really good, non cliffhanger type note? How long does the average route take?

Edit: also, as someone who tries to avoid incest stuff, but feels like it's impossible...THANK YOU SO MUCH!

 

[TheimmortalP]

ended up playing it. Really great use of music, the game looks amazing. You definately made to want to play more. However, this is nothing. I finished it in less than an hour, and yeah, please try to find someone willing to rewrite this into common english for you, because this is really bad.

Again, you got me wanting more, and this was absolutely worth my time, just please, either put more into a chapter, or finish a couple more chapters before publishing more, because this was a terrible first impression.