A few comments on the margin of the last release.
There were two small fragments, that I would call the best. In elite class section, when our female protagonist with her school friend are starting their party in the city, they meet two ugly old bisnessmen,who try to seduce them for one night stand. And that’s all, nothing more, no continuation. Second best fragment in my opinion, in middle class section, the Himba tribe dance ritual, when our protagonist is persuaded by Himba women to dance toplees in front of the whole tribe and her colleagues, afterwards being touched and admired for her beautiful breasts by tribal women. And that’s all, another unused opportunity. Two best parts of the story ending sharply without continuation although it asks, almost begs, for something more.
In the first case, two old bisnessmen could try more and more, offering money, offering luxurious perspectives, traveling, modeling, something like that, to two, according to their opinion, young and naive teenagegirls, and girls knowing that it is just nonsense in old men mouths, but they take the game, just for fun, hoping they have everything under control but the fun spins out of control.
I second case, I would aprreciate something like that, tribes women after touching boobs of our female protagonist start to question her, why is she single, is it normal, that she is single, when she could already have a husband and many children, and so on. Eventually, they begin to suggest that they will wed her. Our female MC thinks, that this is only a joke and agrees with big smile on her face, but appears on the next days , that it’s not a joke, that preparation for wedding are starting. She doesn’t care, agrees futher just for fun and from some kind of an ethnographic point of view, really interested in life and ceremony customs of Himba people, knowing that she can stop that nonsense at any time. But once again, the situation is getting out of hand, work colleagues are on the long trip, now she is alone, she in panic, will she really has to marry one of Himba tribesman, and what’s more to consummate a marriage?
How many possibilities, she ultimately flees to Europe knowing that she leaves behind a husband in remote part of Namibia. I know nothing about Himba’s people wedding customs, but some anthropological reality, even with slight modifications, would only spice this whole story.
One may say, I fantasize too much, but I only try to suggest that such lewd, kinky, lively written situations with multiple choices are the essence of a realistic, emotionally addictive story.
I would wish something like that, but that’s not happened, best parts with full potential are sharply ended.
Why is that?
And instead of, we get a pile of standard sex descriptions – she grabs his cock, she starts fondling it, puts it in her mouth, straddles him and finally fucks him, and once again, grab his cock, fondle it, put in mouth, and again, grab his cock etc. .. How many times, sex is boring, I mind, sex descpitions are boring , total boredom.
Plus those dice roll, how many sexual partners our heroine had between successive episodes of the story. Dice rolls show - 5, 8 maybe even 14, random numbers and waiste of time, without any history behind this numbers this concept is anti-emotional and better completely throw away (as mentioned above, in that way we got sum of hundreds men she slept with - absurd).
I put out once again, how many times already, this game needs more good writing and more story writers.
I have doubts if Crush can handle this writing task in all the necessary extent all alone.
At the same time I hope, that she will improve her writing skills, methodology and creative imaginery.
