Just my little errors comment;
'Paid'
'...anywhere else to live'
Needs a comma after 'worry'.
A comma after 'No' would be better.
Better would be 'Please answer' or 'Please pick up'.
'café'...?
Missing 'I' after 'why'.
'Tomorrow'.
'You were...'.
'Make' not 'makes'. A person makes, people make.
With that mother and aunt*, stop thinking Patreon and start thinking OnlyFans. *Later: and sister.
'Get'.
'Admirers'.
'Pitch dark' or 'Pitch dark night / sky'.
Should be '
There're' but some people don't say that any more, so up to you.
'Got' = 'Have', unless it's a dialect thing?
'Cigarettes'.
'Did'.
'Whose'.
'You never take me home with you' would be more natural.
Not
wrong, exactly, but 'Still no people' would sound better.
'Let's'.
'is she?'.
'Made a stop' = 'stopped'?
'Each other' - with a space.
'All out'.
'Heart attack'.
'Should I get Grandma here faster' or 'Should I get your Grandma here faster'. Though I suspect she knows who his Grandma is
This just sounds clunky. Maybe "and some money has been left in your pockets"?
'Milden' is, in fact, a word. TIL. However I would suggest 'reduce' due to the former's lack of widespread usage.
'At' = 'In'.
My guess would be 'bunkered' = 'Stored'?
'Put' = 'Pose'.
Taking a wild guess here - 'Dedicated'?
'Good looking' with a space.
'In front' - with a space.
Again, and also the second comma should be removed.
'Intensely'.
Although not incorrect, I think using 'don't' would sound better.
'Come by
my house'?
OK - TIRED - STOPPING FOR THE NIGHT!
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Also I note that some words are spelt British, and then the same word will be in American English (i.e. 'harbor' then 'harbour').
Also I suspect where you write 'Wew' would normally be spelt 'Phew'.
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Also, whatever I pick up on, author, let it be known yours is the cleanest writing I've gone through and you should be proud. I only started because the errors started early, and I hate the 'paid vs payed' error lol! Really, well done so far - I just may have to stop