What you're doing is on point, and I respect the decision to remake it (like all the under the hood shit). And I hope you're getting the amount of Patrons you deserve for your work (looks like you're getting good numbers there so congrats).
However...
I'm not asking you to rework the story from the ground up already, but I need this make sense for me. Because before you've had the chance to explain the nature of the relationship with MC's dad and Marnie; I already had like 4 sex scenes with her, pulled the "i love you" card and capable of being boyfriend with her (all on day 2). Don't get me wrong, I
want this to happen, and I get that the MC is capable of being a manipulative POS. It just felt 0 to 60 with how Marnie (and her sister to some extent) reacted positively to all this. Or at least more acknowledgement from MCs end that Marnie isn't the brightest tool in the shed.
These lines for example implies that they've known each other for a long time, but it's been too short of a time to warrant that.