Alright. Let's do this.
I think there is something to the concept of this game. I like the weird political implications. I like the kink content. I like the hints at cultural distinctions between this place and the mainland.
The actual prose is actually mostly okay. I think that the story telling gets quite a bit across.
So let's talk about the problems.
If there is one standout issue to me that you NEED to address it's the core gameplay loop. That is the way that the player progressed the game. That's because the game is mostly about raising and lowering stats/Money rather then merely solving puzzles or figuring out solutions.
Players will complain that it's too grindy. This is basically true. But, if you just try to solve it by making money and stats easier to get, it will just thin out the game and remove the gameplay component from proper function.
The real problem is that you haven't figured out a mechanism to make getting these stats and money fun. All of the hotel jobs are a boring waste of time. Getting stats with the girls involves just tons and tons of repeat scenes.
Let me explain what I mean.
In most games where there is a gameplay loop based around stats for girls, there is normally a constraint besides money. There is some kind of limited time or there are right or wrong choices and these have lasting implications. But, there is no time constraint here. Wrong choices are punished with just wasting more of your godamn time.
Consider also the Hotel jobs. There's little strategy to them, because there is no constraint on your ability to get the ones you want. You can just do jobs over and over because there's no pressing tension.
This is doubly bad because there is nothing intrinsically enjoyable about them. You never spent any time working on a reason why they'd be fun. There's no sexual content to them, and the hotel is too underwritten to engage in a narrative level.
So, there isn't actually any mechanical challenge (due to absence of time constraint) and there isn't anything that makes them fun in terms of content. So it's just a massive waste of my time.
I really hate the interactions with the girls on this level. There are very few descions points in conversation with them that have any consequences, because the relationship in this game is just stats = playtime. Also, picking different state does nothing.
You have the same relationship with a girl it you have her at Max submission but no love vs as max love but no submission. The stats are themselves only a v jicke for progression.
This goes to the lack of player choice that badly harms the game. There are all these choices for money and stats, because the progression pathway is exactly the same. It's got the storytelling of a novel, but just extra pointless mechanics on there to waste time.
So, what would it look like if you did it well?
1. There would be a number of days to achieve specific objectives as a consequence of some new narrative tension. This would make choices on how the MC spends time MATTER.
2. It would be possible to advance the core story without completing every path or objective.
3. The hotel job would have it's own mini-narrative (featuring it's own sexual content) that plays out when the player selects the money earning options. The smartest way to do this is to MOVE the maid storyline INTO the money earning job, so that way there is an intrinsic want.
4. I'd add a greater tactical flexibility to the hotel job and make maximizing money earned more intiresting.
5. I would make the stats you have with a girl matter. Every scene would feature more dialogue choices that offer more stat effects (probably involves changing the scale to 100 or more so individual choices have the right impact). Then, I'd make it so some events play out DIFFRENTLY depending on the player's stats. The ultimate goal would be to have multiple possible end-states depending on the final stats.
6. Give the player more choices internal to events besides picking the right option and winning and wrong and failing. This is what ften arbitrary and not fun. Instead, you should give the girls more base stats (reflective of multi-state) and decide options that might improve one stat or another. Pick a Domme option if you want Leah to be more Dommy. Pick an option that emphasizes your physical prowess if you want her to be more trusting. Or mentally play with her to increase her sub score. It makes the choices internal to scenes feel less like a bolted on fail state and more like meaningful agency over the game.
Altogether this would produce a tighter gameplay loop with more incentive to play it. Without more meaningful choices, charachter multi-state, and descions for players that have consequences besides wasting time, the gameplay you have now is mostly pointless.
Now. The writing.
First nitpick: The Japanese Assasin girl's name is dumb and that's all I can think when we meet her. Give her a name an actual person would have and make her less of a stereotype. I can't see her without rolling my eyes.
Second Pick: The whole cast is underwritten. You didn't spend a lot of time considering their backgrounds, intirests, unique ways of speaking, talents, wants, fears, etc. It shows. The more you have to rely on the cast in their present state, the worse you're going to end up when you have to rely on them.
Third pick: The protaganist is a blank slate, but the narrative relies heavily on who he is, what he does, and so on. But the game also doesn't give the protaganist lots of choices. If you want to do this kind of blank slate, you need to make more of his dialogue choice based and for it to have stat effects on him and the girls. The present way you have it is too thin.
Fourth Pick: Restating from above. I do not understand why this game so heavily lacks multi-state. The mechanics suggest a game with variant game states, but the whole thing is bizarrely linear.
Fifth Pick: THE BIG ONE. The entire time I played this game, the setting choice took me out. It's because you've done an exceedingly horrible job of world building.
What is this society? Why is no one there? How do they make money on a hotel with no people? These questions aren't good mysteries. They make the entire game feel weird. If the goal is to roleplay as a dictator of a small island nation, the fact that there are no fucking people is really weird and doesn't produce the "fantasy" you want at all. It's more like a game about being stranded on a desert island then a few about being a dictator.
The overall effect totally falls flat. More effort needs to go into the world building if you want to spend any time at all.
The present world building is lazy, malformed, and actively makes the game signifigantly worse for the lack of effort out into it.