- Jul 20, 2017
- 383
- 571
There will be no "management" feature. There will be choices that you make regarding the company, which will result in different outcomes. This is a Visual Novel and nothing else.
- Feb 19, 2020
- 175
- 401
Oh thank God! Thought I was gonna have to balance a lot of things out, just to get to the awesomeness.
- Apr 18, 2017
- 323
- 312
Really good Demo. Models look Very Very appealing, except for Evelyn's under eye make up looks kinda weird. Renders are very clean and well lit. Grammar needs quite a bit of polish, but the English was clear and was able to understand it fairly well. The only thing that I didn't understand was when the MC was back in college after the dream of fishing with MC and his dad, IMHO the demo should of stopped at the dream. For a demo I will rate it 9 outta 10. Zanzibar Interactive well done and looking forward to more.
CHEERS (c)
CHEERS (c)
Can you please post some examples of grammar mistakes? I was pretty sure there weren't any, but sometimes small mistakes slip through the cracks.
The college and fishing scenes are not dreams, they are flashbacks. The conversation before the boat scene explicitly states the two characters reminiscing about going on boat trips.
Thank you for the 9 out of 10!
Nope, I didn't translate it.very nice and promising start!
and I also noticed some minor text errors..
I'm guessing you translated it from a different language?
99% sure every *Gasp* is supposed to be *Sigh*
Thank you for pointing out the *gasp* and *sigh* detail.
If you can tell me about the other minor text errors I would appreciate it.
- Oct 24, 2018
- 715
- 460
I think there was 1 scene where there was a his instead of hers when referring to one of the sisters but at a quick glance couldn't find it..
ill probably start from the start when you release the next content and try to keep a better look out for it for you
- Sep 2, 2018
- 808
- 2,533
Evelyn has to be one of the most stunningly beautiful MILFs seen in games.
- Jun 2, 2018
- 194
- 1,239
Hey! Pretty strong start, I like the attention to detail in rendering and the level of detail in the scenes! I just have some suggestions on design and writing.
- Intro, establishing relationships
- Assuming a family structure is intended, it's impossible for us to know what the relationships between characters are supposed to be before the story starts or before we even see them. We're basically guessing then moving forward until you piece together what the right structure is. You could solve this by visualizing the intended structure when the player creates roles. For example, show a portrait of each character in 2 rows, with Evelyn on the top center row and then the player, Madison, and Lucy side-by-side on the lower row. This mysteriously-tree-shaped organization would hint at the intended family structure.
- The Charles and Avery characters in the early scene came across as a means to dump info/backstory/context. In general, a more graceful and immersive approach is to give that information as necessary through the events of the story itself. Just something to think about.
- The transition into the scene with Madison in the car was a little jarring, and it seemed strange to be in conversation with her in the text before we even see her on screen.
- Chess
- As a chess player, this scene with Madison was a bit painful
- Black (Madison) moved first! White should move first.
- Madison called her piece "tower", a chess player would refer to it by its actual name, a "rook."
- The final position shown is actually not checkmate--white actually has two valid moves:
- block check by moving white bishop between white king and rook
- move white king to black tile up and to the right of its current position
- Black is still absolutely winning no matter which move is made, but it isn't checkmate. This is probably the most nit-picky thing I've got to talk about though, and I absolutely LOVE that you included chess, I'm only pointing this out for authenticity
- As a chess player, this scene with Madison was a bit painful
- Character design
- Skin on Madison and Evelyn looks a little... flat? Like they're wearing too much makeup. Skin is also a bit too reflective/shiny, looks like plastic in some scenes (Madison chess game, for example, reflecting a lot on hand/arm/chest)
- Evelyn looks....off. Tarakis mentioned her makeup and eyeliner, which I definitely agree with as it's fucking thiccccccc. Also, her thicccccc black eyebrows don't match her hair, which doesn't look dyed (it would look more natural if her natural hair color was black and if she had dark roots). I pointed out that she doesn't look old enough to be a mother of 20-somethings, but a different skin texture could do it.
- Lucy is cute af
- Flashback transitions
- Sailboat and college dorm room flashbacks were a little jarring, mostly due to the lack of much transition between them.
- There's 0 transition between the fishing flashback and the college flashback, felt a little narrative whip-lash
- Some ideas:
- a visual fade-out and fade-in for entering scenes in memory?
- give an end to the scene with Madison in the bathroom, have the player go to bed and experience the flashbacks (independently?) in a dream?
- May 4, 2019
- 395
- 2,118
Who said perverts can't be intellectuals.
- Chess
- As a chess player, this scene with Madison was a bit painful
- Black (Madison) moved first! White should move first.
- Madison called her piece "tower", a chess player would refer to it by its actual name, a "rook."
- The final position shown is actually not checkmate--white actually has two valid moves:
- block check by moving white bishop between white king and rook
- move white king to black tile up and to the right of its current position
- Black is still absolutely winning no matter which move is made, but it isn't checkmate. This is probably the most nit-picky thing I've got to talk about though, and I absolutely LOVE that you included chess, I'm only pointing this out for authenticity
Thank you for such a thorough feedback.Hey! Pretty strong start, I like the attention to detail in rendering and the level of detail in the scenes! I just have some suggestions on design and writing.
That's all I've got. Like I said, I really like it so far, and I'm only saying all this because I want you to succeed. I think there's a good story in here and I can definitely see the effort and attention paid, so keep it up
- Intro, establishing relationships
- Assuming a family structure is intended, it's impossible for us to know what the relationships between characters are supposed to be before the story starts or before we even see them. We're basically guessing then moving forward until you piece together what the right structure is. You could solve this by visualizing the intended structure when the player creates roles. For example, show a portrait of each character in 2 rows, with Evelyn on the top center row and then the player, Madison, and Lucy side-by-side on the lower row. This mysteriously-tree-shaped organization would hint at the intended family structure.
- The Charles and Avery characters in the early scene came across as a means to dump info/backstory/context. In general, a more graceful and immersive approach is to give that information as necessary through the events of the story itself. Just something to think about.
- The transition into the scene with Madison in the car was a little jarring, and it seemed strange to be in conversation with her in the text before we even see her on screen.
- Chess
- As a chess player, this scene with Madison was a bit painful
- Black (Madison) moved first! White should move first.
- Madison called her piece "tower", a chess player would refer to it by its actual name, a "rook."
- The final position shown is actually not checkmate--white actually has two valid moves:
- block check by moving white bishop between white king and rook
- move white king to black tile up and to the right of its current position
- Black is still absolutely winning no matter which move is made, but it isn't checkmate. This is probably the most nit-picky thing I've got to talk about though, and I absolutely LOVE that you included chess, I'm only pointing this out for authenticity
- Character design
- Skin on Madison and Evelyn looks a little... flat? Like they're wearing too much makeup. Skin is also a bit too reflective/shiny, looks like plastic in some scenes (Madison chess game, for example, reflecting a lot on hand/arm/chest)
- Evelyn looks....off. Tarakis mentioned her makeup and eyeliner, which I definitely agree with as it's fucking thiccccccc. Also, her thicccccc black eyebrows don't match her hair, which doesn't look dyed (it would look more natural if her natural hair color was black and if she had dark roots). I pointed out that she doesn't look old enough to be a mother of 20-somethings, but a different skin texture could do it.
- Lucy is cute af
- Flashback transitions
- Sailboat and college dorm room flashbacks were a little jarring, mostly due to the lack of much transition between them.
- There's 0 transition between the fishing flashback and the college flashback, felt a little narrative whip-lash
- Some ideas:
- a visual fade-out and fade-in for entering scenes in memory?
- give an end to the scene with Madison in the bathroom, have the player go to bed and experience the flashbacks (independently?) in a dream?
There are tranitions between every scene. Fadeout and fadeins both in the music tracks and the scenes themselves.
However, if you click while the transition is ocurring, it will skip it entirely and produce the sudden scene change you are mentioning.
Maybe that's what happened while you were playing?
- Jan 31, 2019
- 3,821
- 13,898
Hell yeah! Awesome song!
- Jun 2, 2018
- 194
- 1,239
I hope it's useful!
When I say transitions, I'm mostly talking about the writing aspect--the context of one scene leading into another related scene. You're right about the visual fade, though! I missed the one between the flashbacks.
- Aug 24, 2019
- 504
- 741
Name 2 things better than royalty and incest.