VN Ren'Py How I Became the Bodyguard of the Saintess! [v0.6] [Lunardis]

4.60 star(s) 29 Votes

Lunardis

Member
Game Developer
Aug 15, 2021
139
608
Preview 0 (16).png

V0.3 release finally is out, with 20 000 words and 1500 renders. It’s only for Saintess tier for now.





Other release dates will be:
  • Commander tier - 03/08/2022
  • Knight tier - 07/08/2022
  • Public release – 14/08/2022
There are a whole bunch of preview pictures in my discord channel . Feel free to look at them ;)
 

brankom

Member
Mar 3, 2022
126
197
This is how an update is supposed to be, this tendency of five to ten minutes updates is awful, so thanks dev for your work.
 
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Raziel_8

Engaged Member
Dec 4, 2017
3,243
8,167
Good update, with some nice fighting scenes.
Thought i have to ask, will the MC actually be a powerfull fighter at some point ?
I mean, he makes the best out of his situation and he is a likeable character, but letting the others fight while playing ''support'' doesn't make a great MC imo.
 
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Lunardis

Member
Game Developer
Aug 15, 2021
139
608
Good update, with some nice fighting scenes.
Thought i have to ask, will the MC actually be a powerfull fighter at some point ?
I mean, he makes the best out of his situation and he is a likeable character, but letting the others fight while playing ''support'' doesn't make a great MC imo.
It's hard to answer without spoilers... what I can say is that you'll be fixed with the next chapter. A lot of things concerning our MC will be clearer after that...
 
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Reficul

Newbie
Jul 4, 2017
96
216
Very nice plot, feels very anime-ish. It's good enough that even though the (planned) sexual content is incredibly vanilla, the plot and character are enough to keep me playing. Angelica is very easily best girl.
MC is also a lot more tolerable than many I've recently seen, so good job.
One possible criticism is the overuse of humor in the actual serious situations, like the battle with the A-Rank Sorceress. She felt a bit like a joke at the end there. Swordsman was well done though.
 
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GrogGuy

Member
Apr 3, 2022
108
171
Thanks for the great content, Lunardis! Really felt like the plot is picking up with this update. I'm particularly fond of the MC and Angelica, and it's nice to see both them and the other characters getting further developed and expanded upon. The scenes were great and I could tell you put a lot of effort into them. Especially the fight scenes seemed like they took a lot of time haha. They came out really well though!

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Anyway, I'm enjoying the buildup so far. To me at least, it always make the payoff better when you get to it. So already looking forward to the next release haha.

Oh one last comment. I did chuckle at quite a few of the scenes. So for me at least, the humor was a success as well.
 

GrogGuy

Member
Apr 3, 2022
108
171
Is it also have Harem as a future tag because I love harem and it suits this story very well.
Probably not. Just individual paths for each character. Which admittedly, is more to my preference anyway. See below:

Nope, no harem. And yes, I know harem is popular, I really hesitated over this one. As much as I want to please this community, my priority is to tell a coherent (and good) story, and I can't find a way to integrate a harem without making the characters step out of their personality.

After the common route, I'll ask for each new update the girl people (=patreon) want me to focus on. To say it differently, after some time, the game will propose different parallel universes, and you will have the possibility to look at them in the order you want.
 
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DES818

Newbie
Mar 7, 2020
60
102
Very good anime story game. first time enjoying it. though why the childhood friend stuff just say friend, its not incest they both have 2 separate parents lol. also no sex scenes or even nudity lol so no need for the weird writing to avoid the patreon guidelines. ether way solid 4star game, not a fan of no harem or side bitch mcs lol. at lest his not a support god like out of touch. hope to see a good war chapter though. best wishes to dev
 
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Zoran89

Newbie
Aug 20, 2020
87
162
Now for the word itself. I really like materials like manga, visual novels or anime, and the word Saintess is often used there.
Yeah, that's kind of an issue nowadays. Just because "a lot of people do it" does not necessarily mean it's correct - it's always better to consult an actual dictionary, rather than going with just your gut feeling. An example of this is the horrendous "I would of made X" instead of "I would HAVE made X" - lately I see a lot of people using that, and it doesn't make it any less nightmarish.

Plus, with popularization of manga and anime, a lot of people started learning Japanese, except a lot of them only learn "poor man's translation" - it's my personal pet peeve when people translate something, but don't understand the phrase from native's perspective. A really quick, off the top of my head example, would be urusai, which is usually translated as "shut up" - except it's actually an adjective (what I like to call verbal adjective, so an adjective that's simultaneously being a verb) which means "loud", "ear-grating" etc. You need to know all those things, and the same word can then be translated in 10 different ways, depending on the context. Maybe that specific example doesn't happen very often, but it shows a principle. My point is, people often oversimplify translations, which leads to really weird Frankenstein's monster-type phrases, which are then being repeated by people who are influenced by these translators, but are too lazy to check what they are using in a proper dictionary. Not a good trend. Not saying I'm not guilty of doing it sometimes, but still - not a good trend.

I also vehemently disagree with the notion of "don't worry about your phrasing, as long as what you mean comes properly across" - how you say something can be just as important as what you say. It's always frustrating for me, when I see a story that has a good premise, be ruined by the author using the language like he's 12. It's not that bad in your game, but do keep that in mind for the future.

Overall, the story so far (I'm somewhere after the fae attack) seems pretty cute - my biggest complaint so far (other than what has already been said about the language) would be the tone, which seems a little confused.
One moment we have a party and silly conversations, then a bunch of terrorists come out of nowhere and start murdering people, except tonally we're still in Saturday morning cartoon land. I feel this dissonance between "some twenty people just got publicly stabbed to death" and narration/characters approaching it with a "well, this was a doozy" attitude. I feel like this should have a stronger emotional impact on people, you know what I mean?

Plus, the goddess is kind of a bitch, if she just casually accepts a contest with the chaos god, knowing that a lot of people (whom I understand she's supposed to be protecting) are going to die. Again, seems waaaay too casual, considering what's at stake.
 
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Lunardis

Member
Game Developer
Aug 15, 2021
139
608
Very nice plot, feels very anime-ish. It's good enough that even though the (planned) sexual content is incredibly vanilla, the plot and character are enough to keep me playing. Angelica is very easily best girl.
MC is also a lot more tolerable than many I've recently seen, so good job.
One possible criticism is the overuse of humor in the actual serious situations, like the battle with the A-Rank Sorceress. She felt a bit like a joke at the end there. Swordsman was well done though.
Thank you for the positive feedback!

About the overuse of humor, you have a point I guess... What I liked here was the idea that the main character, who is supposed to be perfectly normal, could turn the powerful sorceress that everyone was afraid of into a joke, but I can see how that might seem a little weird for some people...

I'm not trying to defend myself absolutely, but to me, the real villains of the story are the S-level, which is why turning the Sorceress like that didn't bother me that much. What I can assure is that the main antagonists will definitely not be a joke.

What is the extra sign file no description at all.
Are you supposed to put a description? Someone asked me to share the sign I was using, so I just put it here, without much thought, honestly...

Yeah, that's kind of an issue nowadays. Just because "a lot of people do it" does not necessarily mean it's correct - it's always better to consult an actual dictionary, rather than going with just your gut feeling. An example of this is the horrendous "I would of made X" instead of "I would HAVE made X" - lately I see a lot of people using that, and it doesn't make it any less nightmarish.

Plus, with popularization of manga and anime, a lot of people started learning Japanese, except a lot of them only learn "poor man's translation" - it's my personal pet peeve when people translate something, but don't understand the phrase from native's perspective. A really quick, off the top of my head example, would be urusai, which is usually translated as "shut up" - except it's actually an adjective (what I like to call verbal adjective, so an adjective that's simultaneously being a verb) which means "loud", "ear-grating" etc. You need to know all those things, and the same word can then be translated in 10 different ways, depending on the context. Maybe that specific example doesn't happen very often, but it shows a principle. My point is, people often oversimplify translations, which leads to really weird Frankenstein's monster-type phrases, which are then being repeated by people who are influenced by these translators, but are too lazy to check what they are using in a proper dictionary. Not a good trend. Not saying I'm not guilty of doing it sometimes, but still - not a good trend.

I also vehemently disagree with the notion of "don't worry about your phrasing, as long as what you mean comes properly across" - how you say something can be just as important as what you say. It's always frustrating for me, when I see a story that has a good premise, be ruined by the author using the language like he's 12. It's not that bad in your game, but do keep that in mind for the future.

Overall, the story so far (I'm somewhere after the fae attack) seems pretty cute - my biggest complaint so far (other than what has already been said about the language) would be the tone, which seems a little confused.
One moment we have a party and silly conversations, then a bunch of terrorists come out of nowhere and start murdering people, except tonally we're still in Saturday morning cartoon land. I feel this dissonance between "some twenty people just got publicly stabbed to death" and narration/characters approaching it with a "well, this was a doozy" attitude. I feel like this should have a stronger emotional impact on people, you know what I mean?

Plus, the goddess is kind of a bitch, if she just casually accepts a contest with the chaos god, knowing that a lot of people (whom I understand she's supposed to be protecting) are going to die. Again, seems waaaay too casual, considering what's at stake.
I won't comment much on the first part, mostly because I agree with what you said. Just two points, the main subject of the previous conversation was the word "Saintess", because this is used as a fantastic term applied to something that doesn't exist in our world, I think there is more tolerance to the rule here.

And of course there is the problem that I am not fluent in English. I agree when you say "how you say something can be just as important as what you say", but that just means you have to do your best. I knew I would produce something less than perfect when I started the game... Does that mean I shouldn't have done anything? I don't think so...

And about your point concerning the game directly...

For the fae, you're right. The problem, I think, is that when I wrote the scene, I knew everyone was okay and no one would be dead after that, so it seems fine to add some humor. But of course, the reader doesn't know this at that point. So yeah, there is a problem here... Thanks, I'll try to correct this scene for the next version.

Concerning the goddess, it's going to be explained later, but if you want to know (it's not a major spoiler):

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Thanks for your feedback and the constructive criticisms. If you see anything else that bothers you once you've read everything, I'd be happy to know.
 
4.60 star(s) 29 Votes