VN Ren'Py Abandoned Incipit [v0.3.1] [Incipit]

[docclox]

Points for trying something a bit different. I like the poetic phrasing and the period setting. All let down some really heavy-handed breaking of the fourth wall. I mean having the game creator say to the player "be kind to her" at the start is cute. Having Gilbert talk in double meanings about poetry and game design at the same time is clever and interesting, but at the same time the joke is starting to wear thin. Having the heroine complain about people scrolling too fast through the text is pushing it a bit too far for my taste.

The game works very hard to invoke a sort of dreamy, delirious mood. To suddenly reference UI elements directly pulls me right out of state of mind. On top of which, I feel like I, the player, am suddenly being criticized for my play habits, which is annoying. OK, I get that the author is trying for Art here, and maybe the fact that the game provokes this reaction could be considered a mark of its success. But then you still have annoyed players who are less likely to come back and play again.

All that came out as a bit of a rant, which is unfortunate, because I like the style and the mood of the game very much, and the potential here is immense. But that forth wall is there for a reason; if you're going to poke holes in it, perhaps try and limit them to the narrator, or double meanings from the supporting cast.

Also, is the game supposed to end abruptly after we meet the naked fencing girl?

 

[Incipit]

Thank you, it's really constructive!

Damn, I have to rewrite all of my jokes...
Even in a 0.3 I made a similar one...

Spoiler: Fourth wall

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The game works very hard to invoke a sort of dreamy, delirious mood. To suddenly reference UI elements directly pulls me right out of state of mind. On top of which, I feel like I, the player, am suddenly being criticized for my play habits, which is annoying.

Could you tell me where it was? I will try to fix it.

Also, is the game supposed to end abruptly after we meet the naked fencing girl?

Yes... and no.
I didn't want to cut content from the newest release, instead I put a little more. Maybe that's why it's so abruptly.

 

[ormondnha]

*scrolls through comments*
*sees a few folks saying the text is too poetic and difficult to understand*
*cracks unemployed English professor knuckles*

Alright then. Let's give this a play.

 

[ormondnha]

I expected House of Cards humping the collected works of Shakespeare levels of breaking the fourth wall based on a few comments here. But that wasn't my experience and I found those elements rather tame. The game's / character's comments on the genre of games found here-- and the way players play them-- wasn't alienating either. The comments apply to any kind of text or media consumed by people-- whether they're blazing through a magazine, a book, game, a poetry journal, or Twitter.

 

[Incipit]

Sooo... what's your opinion?

 

[docclox]

I expected House of Cards humping the collected works of Shakespeare levels of breaking the fourth wall based on a few comments here.

Well, I can't see anyone else talking about breaking the fourth wall here. Admittedly, I've just done a fairly hasty skim, but on the face of it, I'm going to assume you're talking about my earlier post.

But that wasn't my experience and I found those elements rather tame.

Honestly, I think my comments came across with rather more force than I intended. Still there's differences between House of Cards and Incipit. In HoC Frank stops to address the audience maybe once in an episode, sometimes not at all. The meta-context references in the game are more or less continual.

The second difference is that Frank doesn't generally refer to the audience's context. He doesn't comment on the volume of your TV set, he doesn't generally posses any knowledge that the character should not have, and in particular he doesn't appear to know he's in a TV show.

Deadpool would be a closer match in many ways: 'Pool knows he's in a comic or film, and he comments on it constantly. I just think that style of commentary works better with Deadpool's zany antics than it does in the delirious Victorian romance that Incipit seems to be attempting to construct. Personal opinion, obviously.

Thank you, it's really constructive!

Thanks. That was my intent, and I'm glad it came across. Like I said above, I was a bit worried that I'd made my point with more force than I'd intended.

Could you tell me where it was? I will try to fix it.

There were only really two places where I found it particularly jarring. One of them was "I made this choice just to show where 2.0 starts" and the other one was "probably no one reads it anyway, everyone scrolls through the beginnings"

I mean it's not wrong to do it like that, if that's what you want, and I'll be the first one to say that you should make it way you think it should be made. It's just... you've laid the foundations where for what could become a magnificent fever dream of a game, and were it my project, I'd want to encourage my audience to get lost in that mood, rather than to keep poking them in the metaphorical ribs and saying "Hsst! Remember! You're playing a game!"

[edit]

Also, I meant to say this last time, but I think the art is fine. I maybe wouldn't have rezzed in from a 2x2 grid at the start, but I don't have a problem with the low-res B&W art. Combined with the period setting, It helps establish the mood and I wouldn't personally change it.

 

[ShamanLab]

In short. This is the game about female masturbation on drugs? (and poetry of course)

 

[Incipit]

Thank you, Docclox, I promise I will use those comments to make this project better.

This is the game about female masturbation on drugs? (and poetry of course)

Yes. If you will say, in short, that art of Van Gogh is about drinking turpentine, Huxley about taking acid or bohemian artists about drinking absinthe.
Or, if you will say, in short, that I am an egotic because I dare to compare my little project to those artists.

 

[ShamanLab]

Yes. If you will say, in short, that art of Van Gogh is about drinking turpentine, Huxley about taking acid or bohemian artists about drinking absinthe.
Or, if you will say, in short, that I am an egotic because I dare to compare my little project to those artists.

Oh... you such naive about art business.

Van Gogh was nobody before Russian fat pocket art collector Tretyakov start buying, selling and reselling his art. Van Gogh died in poverty and everything was alright with Tretyakov. He died before bolsheviks come to power and rob his collection.

This was off topic... sorry.

To the game... If the story didn't have antihero, missions, conflicts she cannot developing right and is doomed to mark time.

 

[ormondnha]

Well, I can't see anyone else talking about breaking the fourth wall here. Admittedly, I've just done a fairly hasty skim, but on the face of it, I'm going to assume you're talking about my earlier post.

I didn't mean to come across sounding like a snot. I wrote my comment based on memory of the thread, and your cogent critiques stuck more in my memory.

Sooo... what's your opinion?

It stands out in recent memory as one of the few games where I've read the text entirely. I can see why the game might not appeal to many people, but you've already pointed out you aren't targeting the general audience that populates this site. Still, there is a large segment of folks on here that are looking for something different; your game certainly provides that.

The art style wasn't a detraction for me as I played. However, I'd like to see variation on the reuse of the city street background image (or other images), even it was zoomed or cropped differently. Just for the sake of a little visual variation. It would be helpful, in terms of narrative, for the player to have a stronger sense of why the character / players experiences the visual world in this manner. I think you've mentioned the reason why here on the thread, but within the game it seems absent.

The intense "for the art" sentiment of our main character can come across as cliched for folks that might be familiar with that youthful trope from movies, plays, poems, novels, etc-- or had such intense feelings about art in their younger days. Or in later years have grown jaded and skeptical of everything about the production and creation of art, but I there I go drawing on my own experience. Still, a young writer/artist feeling that passionately about their work or what they do is certainly not out of character.

I'm curious to see where things will go. The bones of the game right now provide a sense of what the player will experience, but a bigger sample size will be needed. I do you encourage you to keep going! It is refreshing to see something so different on the site.

 

[ShamanLab]

ormondnha Michel Foucault on avatar?

Yeap... this game appeal to unusual people.

 

[ormondnha]

Michel Foucault on avatar?

Yup. Been that way since I signed up; you're the first to notice! It was either MF or go with the book cover for Norman Mailer's Prisoner of Sex.

 

[nobodypantsu]

I'm trying to find an appropriately intense Gilles Deleuze pic, gimme a minute.

 

[Dipsode]

"Quand le ciel bas et lourd pèse comme un couvercle sur l'esprit gémissant en proie aux longs ennuie et que de l'horizon embrassant tout le cercle il nous distille un jour noir plus sombre que la nuit … "

Pas vraiment du désespoir, ni du spleen, juste du noir et blanc et un esprit qui plane un peu au-dessus des choses.

"Je suis de la vieille école, moi ma drogue c'est l'alcool, quand je fume du hash, ça me donne pas de flash"

=====
"When the low and heavy sky weighs like a lid on the moaning spirit in the grip of long trouble and that from the horizon embracing the whole circle it distils for us a black day darker than the night ... "

Not really despair or spleen, just black and white and a spirit that hovers a little above things.

"I'm old school, my drug's alcohol, when I smoke hash, it doesn't give me a flash."

 

[Incipit]

Update 0.4 (pagan) is ready so I posted 0.3 public (mods should update it in few hours I hope).
I was struggling (tried 3 times!) to do a fight system but it wasn't good so... not for now.
Mushrooms were great, the same as swimming in the sea at 2 am.
Credits for this update are going to my patrons, thank you, I could buy a cheap red wine for a date with one preety girl!
So... if you want to play 0.4 now, visit my patreon and help me with my addictions.

Oh... you such naive about art business.

I prefere art than businness.

I'm trying to find an appropriately intense Gilles Deleuze pic, gimme a minute.

Still waiting.

 

[Besto]

I love the artstyle, and I especially love that you are doing something else. Very refreshing.
Is there a download link for v0.1, with the grittier art? I'd like to compare them.

 

[Incipit]

You must be registered to see the links

Here it is, have fun, I would love to hear your opinion about the change.

 

[Besto]

That was great. Really something else, it really hits differently from other games.

I honestly prefer the lower grade visuals for an art project like this. I actually prefer the old art by a lot.
But if the purpose is to make an 'adult' game I can see why the newer art is more appealing for the audience.

I really hope you keep the focus on the MC like you've done so far. Keeping it about her.


Will follow with great interest.

 

[rllog]

I played through the game and I didn't find any scenes for most of the tags mentioned in "genre". Now I feel cheated.

 

[chaughton22]

Not sure... i'm know practically the absence of money is the fastest and most efficient way to get rid from drug addiction. Perhaps this story will be short.

Not true, running out of money does not get rid of drug addiction. If anything, it tends to exacerbate it, as that's when you really fall into a downward spiral of crime to get more money for your fix.

Interesting idea, poor execution. Others have elaborated better than I could.