- Jun 16, 2018
- 147
- 279
I wanted to give a review but not post an actual game review since this in just the first release
Anyway, I wont get into the whole fight discussion about the theme and setting. I think its that writing a VN where you're a pornstar is unique and bold...at least its not another college + incest game.
So at first I was miffed with the whole "landlady" thing, but Mallory seems to actually not be MC's mother, which is fine...but for the love of god rewrite her intro with an actual backstory. Make her a friend of MCs parents or like the widow of MC's uncle...anything other than landlady.
Now with the positives, right. Bunch of stuff I liked in this:
+the renders, pretty great graphics overall, nice angles, lightning, composition and stuff. It seems you know your stuff and that goes a long way
+audio overall was good I think, I had no problem with the music choices but there were times when mood setting songs would start and stop very abruptly, like, for 5 lines of dialogue or something...But I think that's a problem with the writing...we'll get there.
+ grammar was pretty great! No engrish, no mistaking they're, there, your and you're. THANK GOD!
+now the character designs, to me are the best part of this. The main cast is quite interesting looking and the support characters are very wildly different and eye-catching. Eri and Regina look a tad weird but I think that's by design.
Now for negatives...
-This one might sound harsh, but man...the dialogue here is very boring and "sanitized". It feels like it was written to not offend anyone or something. I was so into the game during the whole intro, until the point where MC and Mariam have their first real conversation. And then the second day was even worse.
My problem with the dialogue as a whole is just how badly it gives life to the characters. Both MC and Mariam are the blandest archetypes ever. Both being the nicest, hard-working, intelligent and loveable people ever. The way they glaze each other with compliments non-stop while barely having spent a day together feels very forced and unearned. They have no flaws and there is no drama. Then Mallory and the other lady just say stuff like "please dont be unconfortable". If you ctrl+ F "confortable" in the script, how many times does it appear?
Btw how weird it is that Mariam is a virgin that wants to do porn but doesnt even tell that to the producer so they pay her more. I mean...a real virgin losing her virginity on camera should be a gold mine right? Or at least secure her a better deal? If she is so desperate I can see her making that extreme choice.
Before this gets absurdly long I'll just say this: If I were to fix those problems, I would revise day 1 and 2 when MC and Marian have their serious talks. Cut back on the eternal strings of compliments and don't make her spill her sad backstory so damn fast. It doesnt need to be a huge mystery but if we figure her out in 2 seconds then there is nothing else to solve and her character just becomes a nice face to look at (it is indeed very nice, good job)
I will end this by saying you got something special here, its different and new, so grab the good advices and constructive criticisms and ignore the crowd that only wants to play the same game over and over. It's like there isnt already a deluge of romance, harem games with no sharing, no ntr, where every girl is a virgin that venerates MC. Be confident and tell the story you wanna tell.
Best of luck mate
Edit: Just to be clear I'm not trying to encourage the dev to add those elements (i'm not into ntr either lol). I'm just saying that he should go with whatever vision he had for the game when he started and use feedback to help along the way haha
Anyway, I wont get into the whole fight discussion about the theme and setting. I think its that writing a VN where you're a pornstar is unique and bold...at least its not another college + incest game.
So at first I was miffed with the whole "landlady" thing, but Mallory seems to actually not be MC's mother, which is fine...but for the love of god rewrite her intro with an actual backstory. Make her a friend of MCs parents or like the widow of MC's uncle...anything other than landlady.
Now with the positives, right. Bunch of stuff I liked in this:
+the renders, pretty great graphics overall, nice angles, lightning, composition and stuff. It seems you know your stuff and that goes a long way
+audio overall was good I think, I had no problem with the music choices but there were times when mood setting songs would start and stop very abruptly, like, for 5 lines of dialogue or something...But I think that's a problem with the writing...we'll get there.
+ grammar was pretty great! No engrish, no mistaking they're, there, your and you're. THANK GOD!
+now the character designs, to me are the best part of this. The main cast is quite interesting looking and the support characters are very wildly different and eye-catching. Eri and Regina look a tad weird but I think that's by design.
Now for negatives...
-This one might sound harsh, but man...the dialogue here is very boring and "sanitized". It feels like it was written to not offend anyone or something. I was so into the game during the whole intro, until the point where MC and Mariam have their first real conversation. And then the second day was even worse.
My problem with the dialogue as a whole is just how badly it gives life to the characters. Both MC and Mariam are the blandest archetypes ever. Both being the nicest, hard-working, intelligent and loveable people ever. The way they glaze each other with compliments non-stop while barely having spent a day together feels very forced and unearned. They have no flaws and there is no drama. Then Mallory and the other lady just say stuff like "please dont be unconfortable". If you ctrl+ F "confortable" in the script, how many times does it appear?
Btw how weird it is that Mariam is a virgin that wants to do porn but doesnt even tell that to the producer so they pay her more. I mean...a real virgin losing her virginity on camera should be a gold mine right? Or at least secure her a better deal? If she is so desperate I can see her making that extreme choice.
Before this gets absurdly long I'll just say this: If I were to fix those problems, I would revise day 1 and 2 when MC and Marian have their serious talks. Cut back on the eternal strings of compliments and don't make her spill her sad backstory so damn fast. It doesnt need to be a huge mystery but if we figure her out in 2 seconds then there is nothing else to solve and her character just becomes a nice face to look at (it is indeed very nice, good job)
I will end this by saying you got something special here, its different and new, so grab the good advices and constructive criticisms and ignore the crowd that only wants to play the same game over and over. It's like there isnt already a deluge of romance, harem games with no sharing, no ntr, where every girl is a virgin that venerates MC. Be confident and tell the story you wanna tell.
Best of luck mate
Edit: Just to be clear I'm not trying to encourage the dev to add those elements (i'm not into ntr either lol). I'm just saying that he should go with whatever vision he had for the game when he started and use feedback to help along the way haha
Last edited:
