good start
the render are well done , writing is pretty good , story seem interesting , sex scene are long and well done , list of planed fetish really interesting
but ... some stuff maybe need a few adjustment .. ( this is just my personal taste , no need for violence .. )
the MC : I don't know why but I don't like his face , he look a little too old and he look dumb , but not the innocent dumb , more like brute dumb , and it don't go well with his personality showed until now
I have to compare it to the MC of SpaceCorps , muscled body , red hair and a good face that go well with his personality
but it's weird because one some image he looks good and on some other he looks older and with a bad face
the body is maybe a bit too muscled but just a bit , the body hair don't look good , I'm not a fan of body hair in the first place so I can't be objective but this one seems weird , I think it's better to not have it ( and it's more work with rendering )
and now for the tech part , I thing you need to add transition between some image , maybe not for sex scene since it's happening in a short time each new image is just a new camera angle or something that happen immediately after so a direct transition is good , but at the beginning when we see him travel it lack some fade and dissolve transition
a little rule that can help you : when the next image happen more than 5 second after the previous one , put a 0.5 dissolve transition
when it happen more than 10 second , put a 1.0 dissolve transition
and when it change location , pass from one scene to a other or when it's a travel and we the see progress of this travel , put a fade transition
this way you will have a good rythme in your story