Suggestion:
Liv says "Well, then there are less questions. And your strength is understandable." after Jade reveals her secret to her. I think something along the lines of "Your strength makes more sense now," or "That would explain your strength," would flow more naturally.
Also, didn't Jade choke or pin Liv by the neck when she accosted her? Maybe having Liv touch her neck or something would communicate that she's thinking back on when she was scared Jade was going to hurt her.
I saw a little bit of discussion in regards to the threesome scene. I agree that it felt rushed. I also was surprised by Jade's answer to their offer upon taking the first option: "... I'm the head of the family, no questions asked. And I don't like being argued with. No questions asked." "Head of the family" sounds like controlling things outside of a sexual context, like finances or whatever. I may be wrong, but Jade's primary interest here is, as she said, to expand her sexual horizons and have a good time.
I think you can kill two birds with one stone in terms of slowing this scene down and ironing out this characterization hiccup. Immediately before, Lena reveals that Nate has always wanted a muscle mommy to dominate him. If she's angling for Nate or both of them, I think showing Jade reacting to this information and pressing Nate on it would lead more naturally into Jade asserting herself as a domme in the trio. How many other big buff ladies has he known? If I didn't know better, I'd wonder if he's just had a crush on Jade since they were in school. Is that really what he wants? Does he want his strong, tall, sexy futa friend who stepped in to save his ass and became his best mate to top him and make him do whatever will please her? Because having a domme means that it doesn't matter if he's a guy or if he has a girlfriend. Whatever she says, goes.
Since Jade isn't longterm friends with Lena, I think the leadup for her solo relationship wouldn't have to dive into her mindset nearly as much. Instead, I think having Jade lay down the ground rules like she does in the first option can work fine, provided the what and why of the rules is clear. Jade is very dominant and her partner needs to like that because it will be a defining and consistent characteristic of any sexual relationship with her. Less "Don't argue with me" and more "Heads up that I'm not like the guys you've slept with before. When I say jump, you jump, and when I say suck, you suck, and I know you're going to like it because you've been eying me like a peace of meat."
With that said, I think the original lines could work if it's clear that Jade is not trying to control their relationship outside of a sexual context, but is actually trying to rile them up and maybe test them to see if the two of them really know what they're getting into. Again, she's just heard that Nate has a dommy mommy kink. Show him reacting to being told that his hot futa friend wants to take control of his relationship with his GF and pork him whenever she wants and if he agrees now, he doesn't get to argue in the future. Show Lena reacting to the first futa she's ever met walk into her and her BF's house on their invitation and tell the two of them she's taking charge and is going to be porking both of them whenever she feels like it.
I was surprised to see that taking either of the solo Lena/Nate options just jumps to everybody naked without a word. For a better lead-up to the sex scene, maybe have Jade ask Lena and/or Nate to strip. They could be surprised that she wants to start right now, and offer to move to the bedroom. Jade could reiterate the "no questions asked" rule to remind them of what they signed up for. Let's see how they really feel about being told by the big scary lady to get naked in their own living room!
EDIT:
Yes, the story matters, especially for a VN, but ultimately the kind of story most people come to F95 for is erotica, not a mystery or thriller. I think that continuing to put thought and effort into developing that mystery is great, but frankly it's a vehicle to explore and give dramatic context to new erotic subplots. (A hot futa fucking a tied-up police officer is sleazy kink, a hot futa hate-fucking a corrupt police officer who potentially has information about a murder investigation is both sexy and dramatic.) As I mentioned in my earlier post, good writing is just as important for erotica as it is for action-packed thrillers or mysteries. There is a point where too much sex can harm a porn VN's primary story, but I really don't think it's an issue for most projects. Don't worry about having a slow pace on the story and explore your talent for writing compelling sex and relationships.