"Spit it out or I'll write your name as Cute Panties"
And then I pick the name Cute Panties
and no acknowledgement! I don't
want that name, but I wanted to see what Mikoto would say.
The snark is laid on a little thick. I like Takashi, I like Mikoto, and the way they talk about Akane is definitely doing something to build up the anticipation and expectation that will surely be dashed when the plot actually begins. But the snark is kind of dense. From the moment Natsuo wakes up in the classroom, even the previously delicate wallflower Mikoto is all snark, Natty is all snark, Takashi is all snark. It's all snark all the way down.
And then after the three amigos snark about Akane and cap it off with listing out all the socially known traits about her, fully setting her up, Natsuo walks away and we get his inner thoughts about... the sort of person Akane is. We already got that set-up. I think something here leading up to Akane could be trimmed a little.
Akane: "Fine, you got me. But don't let it get to your ego... I know how fragile those are." Saying "those are" instead of "that is" implies other peoples' egos are fragile and therefor Natty's might be, which could be the intended meaning, but it stood out since it is mixing singular and plural.
I'm excited to meet elvis. (writing this after the fact, I imagine Duke is a play on Evis being "the king".)
"Whoa, whoa, easy there. My presence comes with a price. I accept payment in snacks, cash, or real state." It is
real estate. An estate is a property, namely based on land. State is something else.
The snark never drops until he's in his head all alone and then he's waxing poetic like a brooding teenager. Crazy for Akane to say Nats is 20 and for him to be an "adult" when he's really always acting like a 15-year-old.
I really adore the "seven days...." "Oh no, next Thursday!?" "What—no, that's seven business days, it's next Tuesday."
I also like adding Mikoto to the call Takashi just doing the gag again. The call was snappier and better feel to it than the last time the three were talking. Maybe it's the brevity, maybe there's less snark, maybe it's not seeing them look sort of smug.
The choices are more opaque to me when these stats have less consequence early on. So I just take the classic rule of thumb "Whatever sounds the most in-character for Natsuo." Generally aiming for what seems most in-character gets you the good ending in things. But that's +1 control here and -1 sanity there. We'll see.
Also love getting punched and collapsing and then Nat thinking "I could've handled him solo..."
I love my dramatic brooding teen protag who both thinks highly and lowly of himself as emotional coping mechanisms. I should watch anime.
What's the music in this Painting and Photography Club? Sounds like some kind of french swing. Reminds me of Caravan Palace. "Clash" and "Rock It For Me" come to mind in particular.
"I'm not gonna say 'hell yeah, let's date' like a desperate teen, but..." I really wanted that thought to move to him just saying "Hell yeah, let's date." He is
so a desperate teen. And that kind of ironic self-parody stuff like "gosh it'd be desperate to say that. Anyway, time to say it" seems in line with him. Oh well, your writing, and it wasn't a badly handled scene.
All the philosophizing is probably an acquired taste alongside all the snark and quips this VN is non-stop with.
Anna talking about Faye as like a wounded animal with a knife in the same tone and pacing of all the other characters leaves me with a sense of "Hm. All these characters sound the same, huh." If everyone is a snarky, quipy clown that brings out philosophizing when they get personal... I was noticing stuff like that in the prior version particularly when getting captured and having that futa slut make threats while everyone just quipped. I like Natty being this brooding way over-compensating teen boy that thinks being aloof and sarcastic is being above it all when he's just too insecure and too guarded to drop his pretenses. Akane responding in kind even works either as that being the person she's becoming organically or her mirroring the guy she likes to get along with him. Takashi also being like that works because they're close friends. But Mikoto, the soft-boy, during that early scene? Anna? Arisa? That purple haired girl a little bit? Feels like everyone is so sarcastic. It's a bit fatiguing to read so much of it and the only break from being snarky is being philosophical. Most people do make jokes in their life, but it simply feels like we don't get enough reprieve and room to breath.
On the other hand, it's a distinct style. If i recall correctly, the old version had similar feelings in general and it grew on me over time. I think it'd be better to ease off the snark a bit and make it more distinctly a trait of a Natsuo and
lesser trait of Akane and Takashi while the rest of the characters have broadly less snark. But eh, at the end, I enjoyed myself, so do whatever you like? Evidently it's good enough to be enjoyed even if some of the long stretches of snark got me sighing at it.
Visually I think I see a shift in the quality and execution. Hard to distinctly remember going through the old version's first few hours, but I'm pretty sure you've made quite a step up in the quality of shots, lighting, etc.
And lastly I know Akane gets the NTR/NTS stuff but I hope there's a lot more available. I look away, a bookshelf between us, and recite hammy steamy smut while Manamai or whatever her name was is stripping herself bare and masturbating. That girl should be shyly and awkwardly giving into her degenerate side and pleasing other men at my command. Akane is a good "exploring because she likes being in control" sort, different flavor of NTR for stag style "this is your kink and she'll do it because you tell her to" would be lovely. It's something I wish every really dominant protag had the option of, but they always let me down. Even when it is an option, like that one VN with the albino girl, it didn't let me have her sleep with someone else for her first time, even though if she really loves me then she should make sure our first time having sex is as good as possible and that means getting some experience. smh. Getting a little off-topic though, I won't press my desire for this game to have many types of NTR across many characters beyond saying it here. Would love variety, but I know I will at least have Akane and I get the impression you can do that one really well. Quality is more important than quantity.
Best of luck with this fresh run of IYH
