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Don't get me wrong, this game is interesting, but the plot at the moment makes no sense, unless I have missed something.
I don't get why Michael decided to settle her in the place like that. He knew it is just a shithole where Layla will feel uncomfortable even washing herself... Why couldn't he rent her a room in a normal hotel for a couple of days? And he is apparently at least an acquaintance with Alex? Really? I don't get how they all even ended in the same social circle. And Alex also has a long-term connection with someone serious in the modeling agency? Why does such an influential figure run such a cheap hotel in the middle of nowhere?
I was sure that Michael has sinister intent the moment he decided to "help" Layla, and it was intriguing to see how she naively followed his advice. But then all of sudden Michael turned out to be a cheesy "nice guy" who somehow made such a monstrous mistake. Wtf? Again, maybe there's a more complex story behind this, or I just wasn't paying attention, but this is how it looks for me at the moment.
Also, the decision between "happy end" City path and Slums path was extremely anti-climaxing. I understand that the author is going to make some tough decisions for Layla who followed City path, but I doubt that this will be able to correct the sharp change in tone and tension. The right decision also looks too obvious and costless: Layla doesn't sacrifice anything, and even if she initially refuses Michael's offer in rage and resentment, it's unclear why she can't change her mind, and why Michael doesn't try to get her back again the next day.
Again, Layla herself is interesting and her survival in the suburbs among predators was intriguing to observe. I also don't mind "mandatory" relationship with Roy, at worst it is a minor problem in comparison with the very strange events overall.
If you want to make completely different paths with different Laylas with different personalities, just remove such beginning altogether. Make the the crossroad point between story paths immediately upon exiting the train.
I don't get why Michael decided to settle her in the place like that. He knew it is just a shithole where Layla will feel uncomfortable even washing herself... Why couldn't he rent her a room in a normal hotel for a couple of days? And he is apparently at least an acquaintance with Alex? Really? I don't get how they all even ended in the same social circle. And Alex also has a long-term connection with someone serious in the modeling agency? Why does such an influential figure run such a cheap hotel in the middle of nowhere?
I was sure that Michael has sinister intent the moment he decided to "help" Layla, and it was intriguing to see how she naively followed his advice. But then all of sudden Michael turned out to be a cheesy "nice guy" who somehow made such a monstrous mistake. Wtf? Again, maybe there's a more complex story behind this, or I just wasn't paying attention, but this is how it looks for me at the moment.
Also, the decision between "happy end" City path and Slums path was extremely anti-climaxing. I understand that the author is going to make some tough decisions for Layla who followed City path, but I doubt that this will be able to correct the sharp change in tone and tension. The right decision also looks too obvious and costless: Layla doesn't sacrifice anything, and even if she initially refuses Michael's offer in rage and resentment, it's unclear why she can't change her mind, and why Michael doesn't try to get her back again the next day.
Again, Layla herself is interesting and her survival in the suburbs among predators was intriguing to observe. I also don't mind "mandatory" relationship with Roy, at worst it is a minor problem in comparison with the very strange events overall.
If you want to make completely different paths with different Laylas with different personalities, just remove such beginning altogether. Make the the crossroad point between story paths immediately upon exiting the train.
What I really can't understand is: are all these complaints and nitpicking directed at me because I'm trying to create a somewhat realistic game, or is this how it is for everyone, regardless of the story? Or should I just create a fucking simulator and then there would be no questions, everyone would be happy?
Why didn't Michael take her to a normal hotel? Because he didn't think; he made a mistake, and he talked about it when he begged for her forgiveness. A person can suddenly commit thoughtless acts. As for Alex, he's a pimp and the owner of the motel; he doesn't have special connections in the modeling agency. Chase was on his hook, and he decided to use his position. How did Chase end up on the hook of someone like Alex? Do I really need to create a separate storyline for this to make it clear? That Chase, while married, used a prostitute working for Alex, who filmed him and now has compromising material—will anyone be interested in the story of one guy blackmailing another?
Maybe I should just say: fuck the whore route, fuck the city route. Maybe I should just spoon-feed all these intricate details so no one has any questions left.
As for why Laila can't change her mind later, I believe I've already explained it sufficiently in the game—her emotional state and her motivation have been spelled out in enough detail. I won't describe it further.
I'm not going to try to justify myself or twist facts to fit the narrative. My story has flaws and will continue to have them, just like absolutely any film made by professionals with screenwriting degrees, who still make the dumbest plot errors. What do you expect from someone like me, who has neither formal education nor experience in writing scripts?
Nevertheless, I believe the script is one of the strong points of my game, and I put a lot of effort into making it interesting to watch and read, and to avoid major flaws. That's all I can do.
WhiteSwan1916
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- Aug 18, 2023
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I like the FMC AVNs most where the FMC can make decisions for her own benefit without being forced to be with an ugly/old/overweight bastard. The male love interests should make sense from a hypergamy standpoint to make the FMC relatable. The fact that Layla could say no to all shady offers in the diner so far is an encouraging sign, and that combined with the good looks of FMC has me hooked for more.May I ask what the second reason is ?
I also want to add that the plot has always been and will be the biggest topic for discussion. This is because every person has their own idea of what is right and what they would do in the character's place. What might seem unthinkable to one person could be an everyday occurrence for another. This is precisely why people have such different preferences in movies and TV series. Some will find a ton of flaws in a film, while for others, it will be a perfectly normal progression of events.
I'm not defending my plot... although, that's a lie—I am defending it, because I put a huge amount of effort into it. It's easy to hate on the graphics, characters, animations, locations... It's easy to prove that someone's animations are trash by just pointing out the flaws, etc. But the plot is a reason for discussion and delving into human qualities. This, of course, is debatable only when there aren't any glaring plot holes that make you cringe (xD). I believe my game doesn't have such flaws.
I'm not defending my plot... although, that's a lie—I am defending it, because I put a huge amount of effort into it. It's easy to hate on the graphics, characters, animations, locations... It's easy to prove that someone's animations are trash by just pointing out the flaws, etc. But the plot is a reason for discussion and delving into human qualities. This, of course, is debatable only when there aren't any glaring plot holes that make you cringe (xD). I believe my game doesn't have such flaws.
I have enjoyed your game, and didn't want to offend you, sometimes I tend to get straight to the point too fast, maybe a bit rude unintentionally as a result. I am sorry for this.
It just looks as if you have changed the plot concept on the fly. I haven't noticed anybody to point it out in this thread and decided to draw your attention to this issue.
Indeed, you don't need to elaborate in detail how exactly Alex managed to get Chase on his hook. A lot of crazy coincidences happen in real life for sure.
But there is still a line between crazy circumstances and mish-mash of misaligned ideas. It is very hard to swallow that Michael somehow didn't think about the consequences of his decision. It looks like he deliberately sent her to pimps, and (except for one try) he didn't even try to make Layla change her decision if she stays there. If he is really such a good man, why does he so readily accept that she's gonna be a slut because of his omission? If you want your game being realistic, I think you really need to address these issues at least somehow.
Sorry if I reacted too strongly, but as I said, I can understand any criticism about anything else, but when it comes to the plot, I get defensive xD
Regarding Michael, I'll try to find a compromise and might come up with some interesting ideas. The key here is not to be rash and to consider his behavior in the City Route. I did actually change the dynamic with Michael; initially, I wanted to keep him as a boyfriend, but then many people started writing that all my male characters were ugly, so I decided to get rid of him this way xD. All these problems are tied to the very beginning of the game, which still haunts me. This is my first game. Now I feel I've improved quite a lot in writing scripts and dialogue, and I hope to avoid such issues in the future.
- Nov 2, 2024
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Here's my compressed Unofficial Android Port of "Layla: Shattered Hopes" Episode 5:
Mods: my own addons (BE based¹)
Download:
APK size: 212 MB
Some phones may require you to force close and relaunch the app after granting storage permissions in order for the game to load.
¹ - BlackEye
Mods: my own addons (BE based¹)
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¹ - BlackEye
I love this game, I love the MC but honestly, this whole branching story splitting between city & whore part is where I would not have wanted this game to go. Branching paths IMO kind of shatters the content of game. I would've prefer both city & whore to continue at same time even if it would not make sense logically in game's story....but hey, that's just my preference.
Perfectly understandable! Finding that balance between branching paths is really tough, but I feel like I've found a middle ground. Developing one route first and then the other seems like it would be much worse to me - because first I'd lose players waiting for the City Route, and then by the time I finish the Whore Route, I might lose those players too. Finding the right balance is key here.
To manage the expanding storylines, I plan to use a voting system where the community chooses which two branches to develop next. This way, i focus on what players want most while ensuring consistent progress on multiple fronts.
Ummmh
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- Apr 27, 2018
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Pretty realistic result for a gal to insta-friendzone a scrub off her first impression, so Layla skipping right along w/o even considering him checks out, tho him knowingly sending her into a filthy sex trap without even a hint of warning is also obviously a factor.
Regarding plot discussions, her response in the cafe route is consistent, as it follows the track you set from her getting pushed into it fast and pridefully making a really poorly considered snap decision, so having to own it after. You had mentioned you initially wanted a slower burn but suspected the players wanted a faster plunge, so this does logically follow.
I do feel the abrupt pacing from C4 leaves the results of C5 feeling a bit forced in her emotional response, but as she clearly is not a girl who thinks rationally, it still tracks. If anything, the impression I get is that she had secretly always flirted with the fantasy of being "bad", and just needed a push to allow her to blame fate/others, rather than accept that she actually always just wanted to try it.
This is not an impression I would assign lightly, nor in a misogynistic manner, but her "we are here so here we go" all-in attitude is not one would expect from an innocent girl brought low and truly broken non-consensually; rather, it feels like she was actually always on the fence, as it were, so she now is aggressively owning it with little underlying issue, to just jump in and not get caught in her doubts halfway. You might say the impression is that, despite appearances, she is actually fairly unbroken, and only hates losing face over giving head.
That is my impression of C5, anyway. YMMV, ofc. The writing is solid, as before, and her bitterness and stubborn pride do remain as they were, so her characterization, and resultant choices, do make sense, tho are beyond the pale. The girl really seems her own worst enemy.
Yes, I decided to create a character with a bit of "spice" already in her, rather than a completely innocent being. With my narrative approach, that would have stretched things out so her first blowjob wouldn't happen until like, episode 10!Pretty realistic result for a gal to insta-friendzone a scrub off her first impression, so Layla skipping right along w/o even considering him checks out, tho him knowingly sending her into a filthy sex trap without even a hint of warning is also obviously a factor.
Regarding plot discussions, her response in the cafe route is consistent, as it follows the track you set from her getting pushed into it fast and pridefully making a really poorly considered snap decision, so having to own it after. You had mentioned you initially wanted a slower burn but suspected the players wanted a faster plunge, so this does logically follow.
I do feel the abrupt pacing from C4 leaves the results of C5 feeling a bit forced in her emotional response, but as she clearly is not a girl who thinks rationally, it still tracks. If anything, the impression I get is that she had secretly always flirted with the fantasy of being "bad", and just needed a push to allow her to blame fate/others, rather than accept that she actually always just wanted to try it.
This is not an impression I would assign lightly, nor in a misogynistic manner, but her "we are here so here we go" all-in attitude is not one would expect from an innocent girl brought low and truly broken non-consensually; rather, it feels like she was actually always on the fence, as it were, so she now is aggressively owning it with little underlying issue, to just jump in and not get caught in her doubts halfway. You might say the impression is that, despite appearances, she is actually fairly unbroken, and only hates losing face over giving head.
That is my impression of C5, anyway. YMMV, ofc. The writing is solid, as before, and her bitterness and stubborn pride do remain as they were, so her characterization, and resultant choices, do make sense, tho are beyond the pale. The girl really seems her own worst enemy.
All these moments in her story – like seeing the prostitute with her neighbor and being unable to stop thinking about it – point to the fact that she possesses corresponding, albeit deeply buried, dark desires. Desires that "normal girls," by society's standards, are not supposed to have.
My take is this: no matter how hard you try, you can't easily force a person without a predisposition to do something they truly don't want to do. Even with manipulation and deceit, an ordinary girl would never agree to that without severe blackmail—like having her documents taken and being shipped off to god-knows-where to provide services. And that's the kind of content I don't want to see in my game.
So what drives her? What is her flaw? Naivety? Stupidity? Hidden desires? Or is it simply that she isn't entirely opposed to being deceived because she wants to believe, and it's easier that way?
PickerLewd
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- Dec 22, 2022
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