VN Ren'Py Abandoned Lexi [v0.052] [Chatterbox]

[TheAvatar]

@TheAvatar You have a good point. Keep in mind this is just a demo to see what people think about the premise of the story. Truth be told, when I decided to make a VN I read an article by MrDots on story creation. Perhaps I followed it to closely and rushed the script. But it is a good lead in to kick a story off. I'll work on that.

@TheAvatar a further thought. It was more the Chelsea thing that made the similarity ring out? I'm not sure how else to introduce the other characters. The times that they are introduced is simply the natural order. I'll have to think about that one.

More like the fact that if you compare the Melody Game with this one, you can see scenes going in the exact same pattern, even the "FMC's sultry friend gets introduced by Phonecall.
Not to say that the game can't be good, of course, just that at first impression it seemed the "alread seen" kind.


One thing I will say tho: make the wife pretty. I kno, I kno, the entire purpose of the game is the cheating factor, but making the render ugly is just a little bit too easy. It's an excuse for cheating without feeling guilty 'cause she's an ugly bitch, but considering that this part of the story will have a deep impact later in the game-plot, I'd say to make it a little more even on her side. The "cheating" fetish is more storywise interesting when there doesn't seem to be all of that much reason to do so. You already have the divorce hanging on their heads, and you could add in a few scenes in which she tries to recover the relationship. Don't be afraid of making the MC a bit of a scumbag, it's part of his "journey to maturity".

 

[Hercule_Poirot]

As long as "scumbag behavior" remains only as a choice, I don't have a problem with that. There are a lot of games where you can be a scumbag, and in most of them, it just makes the MC unlikable.

 

[TheAvatar]

As long as "scumbag behavior" remains only as a choice, I don't have a problem with that. There are a lot of games where you can be a scumbag, and in most of them, it just makes the MC unlikable.

I'd say that cheating can be always considered a scumbag-ish behavior, and it's challenging to make it part of a story without recurring to easy shortcuts like making the wife ugly/a costant bitch who berates you.
Like, MC is still a nice guy and father, but at this moment of his life he's falling into temptation.

 

[Hercule_Poirot]

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[Guardra]

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yeai have to agree with that the way it played out your wife is pretty much gone and divorce is a sure thing with her. To be fair why should her stay loyal to someone who clearly is no longer loyal to the MC. I say let them get divorce he gets full custody and the the soon to be ex-wife can be on her disloyal way

 

[ltpika]

Instead of starting chronologically, I wonder if the demo should have started with you getting the job, just to give potential backers more of an idea of the bodyguard scenarios you might be in and to get some more insight into Lexi

 

[Chatterbox]

Ok...so I'm re-rendering everything in a higher resolution, and as mentioned before, I'm making SOME changes to the story. Anyway...I'm still reading you guys' comments and ideas even if I don't respond much.

@ltpika That's an interesting idea. I'll think about that. Oh btw, my wife and I are also fans of Community, especially the paintball, and alternative timeline episodes.

 

[supermanz95]

Ok...so I'm re-rendering everything in a higher resolution, and as mentioned before, I'm making SOME changes to the story. Anyway...I'm still reading you guys' comments and ideas even if I don't respond much.

If you are making changes, how about you make it so the wife only want's some space and for you to prove that you want to make this family work, forget the whole cheap one dimensional she's a cheating gold-digger cobra angle, give her character some sympathy and emotional depth, that way the story would feel much more comprehensive. The stakes would feel more grand with having to choose to go astray and succumb to lust or remain faithful.
Idk just something to think about

 

[L☹VE]

If you are making changes, how about you make it so the wife only want's some space and for you to prove that you want to make this family work, forget the whole cheap one dimensional she's a cheating gold-digger cobra angle, give her character some sympathy and emotional depth, that way the story would feel much more comprehensive. The stakes would feel more grand with having to choose to go astray and succumb to lust or remain faithful.
Idk just something to think about

no, fuck this shit
hey @Chatterbox don't listen to this guys who try to change your game, you are the boss here

 

[Chatterbox]

no, fuck this shit
hey @Chatterbox don't listen to this guys who try to change your game, you are the boss here

@ducks4yquack I'm willing to consider ideas, and implement them if I like it and it fits. But I am the one writing my story. The changes that I am making are to make will put distance between this game and Melody, and to make it a little less predictable. This will not be a complete re-write.

 

[crustycrustacean]

Demo is okay, but I wouldn't recommend it to anyone, just one girl you can penetrate and receive a blowjob from and it's not even the Lexi girl, so you'll have to wait a long time for this one. Also the angles of certain girls ruin their looks a lot.

 

[TheAvatar]

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That's exactly why I was talking about easy shortcuts.
Intend the previous posts as more of my personal grasp with the entire genre/concepts of games of male MCs Cheating, because I've never seen a game (except the "famous" LwT and some other exceptions I'm guiltily forgetting) that didn't give you a reason beyond "she's a bitch because she did [X] right now or in the past so the cheating is justified and completely devoided of guilt". With all the spawning of games on this genre, I would like to see some Dev taking that extra mile.

(Not to say that this game needs to do that, of course. Art should be made by the artists and not by the masses. I won't cause something I did not intend to, meaning a bashing of the story or the dev. It's my personal preference. I see great potential in this project and I'd like to see how far it can go)

 

[Chatterbox]

That's exactly why I was talking about easy shortcuts.
Intend the previous posts as more of my personal grasp with the entire genre/concepts of games of male MCs Cheating, because I've never seen a game (except the "famous" LwT and some other exceptions I'm guiltily forgetting) that didn't give you a reason beyond "she's a bitch because she did [X] right now or in the past so the cheating is justified and completely devoided of guilt". With all the spawning of games on this genre, I would like to see some Dev taking that extra mile.

(Not to say that this game needs to do that, of course. Art should be made by the artists and not by the masses. I won't cause something I did not intend to, meaning a bashing of the story or the dev. It's my personal preference. I see great potential in this project and I'd like to see how far it can go)

Now that's an interesting idea. I'm not interested in removing the divorce part of the storyline, but not making her a bitch is interesting. I mean, he did get busted for cocaine and there is some justification in her ending the relationship. On the other hand, the MC is trying to correct his mistakes. It was an idea that I toyed with when I was writing the dialog, but missed the potential of where I could take it. With the new wife model, many will want to see more of a sex scene with her (including me). Something I will put some thought into.

 

[Chatterbox]

I'm curious....what resolution are most games coming out with now? I was thinking about 1920x1080. I've read that some are 4k, but good God that would be a huge dowload.

 

[Gagi114]

It looks decent but could and should get improved rez and quality of in-game renders.

 

[Chatterbox]

@Gagi114 Working on that as we speak.

A preview of the new wife, and render quality should show up tonight.

 

[Chatterbox]

Sorry for the delay. A preview of the new wife has been posted on my Patreon page.

 

[Skylaroo]

As mentioned by some people already, this game definitely needs a better font. When text is important part of the game, it's really not a good way to present the game with this current font.

Everything else looked promising to me.

 

[fauxplayer]

Chatterbox posted
Replacement wife

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The game that was released a week ago was just a demo. I'm currently re-working the images and switching Lexi over to a higher resolution for the first official release.
A small part of the game will be changed, including the MC's wife, who is not happy with him. Here is a sample of the new Laura.

 

[L☹VE]

Chatterbox posted
Replacement wife

You must be registered to see the links

The game that was released a week ago was just a demo. I'm currently re-working the images and switching Lexi over to a higher resolution for the first official release.
A small part of the game will be changed, including the MC's wife, who is not happy with him. Here is a sample of the new Laura.

nice work, but i hope mc leave her anyway