“Self”, I said to myself. “What’s wrong now?”
“Why do you think somethings wrong?” I said, trying to deflect my query. I worried that I was onto myself, but tried to remain calm.
“Ohhh, I don’t know. Maybe the scrunched confused constipated expression on your face.”
“Poo Poo” A voice chimed in.
“Wait” I continued. “Have you been back to the Light of My Life thread?” “Oh Gawd!” “You have haven’t you?” Self accused, not waiting for me to respond. “Please. We’ve discussed this over and over again. It’s taking a bit longer than you and a bunch of other people expected and that thread is going to be a bit of cesspool until the update arrives. More and more vultures are going to descend proclaiming the project dead and try to feast upon its carcass. You know you don’t do well in that type of environment.”
“Cess Poo Poo” Another voice chimed in.
“Sorry?” I said looking down at my feet only to realize I couldn’t see them--just my oblong belly protruding from my midsection.
“Alright. What’s done is done.” Self huffed. “You’ve read something that‘s troubling you. Let’s have it. Spit it out.”
“Abandoned….Support….Conman….” Hissed a chorus of new voices.
“Does Mr. NR get…um…money every time someone posts in this thread?” I sheepishly asked.
“What…why…” My head was visibly vibrating. “No. Why would you…I mean I don’t believe so….NO! Of course not.” (So that’s what a “scrunched confused constipated expression” looks like.)
“Hard Poo Poo” Grunted another voice.
“Does F95 give money to Mr. NR?” I continued.
“Uh…” Exasperated Self began, “Look. I honestly don’t know how all this works, but my limited understanding is absolutely not. If anything Mr. NR would give the site money as a donation. It’s a Pirate site. People post developers game here so others can download it for free.”
“So…Mr. NR gives them money to steal his game?” Mushroom clouds were forming. “Never mind! I can feel my ears bleeding. Forget I asked.” I begged.
“This is not a test. Please seek shelter immediately.” An oddly calm but loud but far-off voice advised.
“That’s…what’s…bothering you?” Self asked (head still vibrating), knowing that it wasn’t and trying to brace for whatever would come next.
“Abandoned….Support….Conman….” The vultures screeched.
“Well I think some people want the game to be labeled Abandoned...And other game developers use progress bars but they really aren’t progressing… And Mr. NR hasn’t proved he’s updating...And I guess we need the Abandoned tag so we can stop supporting him…Only we’re not supporting him monetarily on this site…So if a game gets marked as Abandoned here I should not support it…Even though I’m already not supporting it…So should I then NOT not support it….Which means I should support it even if its…Ouch!” Naughty voice bit my ear and pulled my hair forcing my head back hard and whispered.
“Nooooo…Really…That’s how he’s supported here?”
Self’s head was a blur. “Do you ever take a breath? Gawd. I know I shouldn’t ask, but what is Naughty voice telling you now?”
“Um…apparently thread members take turns….um….firmly but gently….um….cupping Mr. NR’s testicles while he works. Literally supporting him.
“No. No. NO. NO. NO! NO!! NO!!!”
“Stop. Duck and Cover” A voice from the 1950’s recommended.
Self took a deep deep breath. “Listen. This is a pirate site. People can get games here without paying the developer. Some use it as sort of a free trial. If they like the game/developer they then go to other sites to monetarily support game/developer. I’m of a mind that if a game has been abandoned there’s no point in supporting it. If the developer is a conman, they aren’t going to post on their pay sites that it’s abandoned so there is some small value to having a site like this post that it’s been abandoned, BUT none of that is applicable here with LoML and Mr. NR. You KNOW it’s not and that’s not just because you're a fanboi. So get your head on straight and lay low until the release. You…” Self’s head was back to normal although his face was very red. “…Wait…Did I hear correctly that you don’t monetarily support LoML?”
“Oh. Shit.” Self caught that?
“Juicy Runny Down-your-leg Poo Poo” A voice obviously pinching its nose while trying to speak described.
“You took a Pinkie Oath with the Girls. I know you did.” Self was pointing a finger at himself…us…me.
Eyes averted downward again (do I even have feet?) “YessnnNoooummMaybe?”
No voices. Just blaring sirens.
Self kept pointing. Waiting. Pointing.
I stammered on “I mean…Um…well about that…I kinda did but kinda didn’t. Just what are the actual rules on Pinkie Swearing? Are they rules or more like guidelines? Because I didn’t actually use my pinkie to…”
Self reached out a grabbed me by the shirt collar. “Didn’t use your pinkie. It’s Pinkie Swearing. With Denise. With Macy. Dear Gawd man…what else could you have possibly used. Anatomically, what’s as small as… your…pink...ie…Oh...” His face was still red but an entirely different shade. “Those poor poor girls…Im so so so so sorry Mr. NR…”
Self turned, stopped and sobbed then continued to walk away. Myself was gone. Leaving just Me and I.
“Abandoned….Unsupported….Conboi?….”
“Why do you think somethings wrong?” I said, trying to deflect my query. I worried that I was onto myself, but tried to remain calm.
“Ohhh, I don’t know. Maybe the scrunched confused constipated expression on your face.”
“Poo Poo” A voice chimed in.
“Wait” I continued. “Have you been back to the Light of My Life thread?” “Oh Gawd!” “You have haven’t you?” Self accused, not waiting for me to respond. “Please. We’ve discussed this over and over again. It’s taking a bit longer than you and a bunch of other people expected and that thread is going to be a bit of cesspool until the update arrives. More and more vultures are going to descend proclaiming the project dead and try to feast upon its carcass. You know you don’t do well in that type of environment.”
“Cess Poo Poo” Another voice chimed in.
“Sorry?” I said looking down at my feet only to realize I couldn’t see them--just my oblong belly protruding from my midsection.
“Alright. What’s done is done.” Self huffed. “You’ve read something that‘s troubling you. Let’s have it. Spit it out.”
“Abandoned….Support….Conman….” Hissed a chorus of new voices.
“Does Mr. NR get…um…money every time someone posts in this thread?” I sheepishly asked.
“What…why…” My head was visibly vibrating. “No. Why would you…I mean I don’t believe so….NO! Of course not.” (So that’s what a “scrunched confused constipated expression” looks like.)
“Hard Poo Poo” Grunted another voice.
“Does F95 give money to Mr. NR?” I continued.
“Uh…” Exasperated Self began, “Look. I honestly don’t know how all this works, but my limited understanding is absolutely not. If anything Mr. NR would give the site money as a donation. It’s a Pirate site. People post developers game here so others can download it for free.”
“So…Mr. NR gives them money to steal his game?” Mushroom clouds were forming. “Never mind! I can feel my ears bleeding. Forget I asked.” I begged.
“This is not a test. Please seek shelter immediately.” An oddly calm but loud but far-off voice advised.
“That’s…what’s…bothering you?” Self asked (head still vibrating), knowing that it wasn’t and trying to brace for whatever would come next.
“Abandoned….Support….Conman….” The vultures screeched.
“Well I think some people want the game to be labeled Abandoned...And other game developers use progress bars but they really aren’t progressing… And Mr. NR hasn’t proved he’s updating...And I guess we need the Abandoned tag so we can stop supporting him…Only we’re not supporting him monetarily on this site…So if a game gets marked as Abandoned here I should not support it…Even though I’m already not supporting it…So should I then NOT not support it….Which means I should support it even if its…Ouch!” Naughty voice bit my ear and pulled my hair forcing my head back hard and whispered.
“Nooooo…Really…That’s how he’s supported here?”
Self’s head was a blur. “Do you ever take a breath? Gawd. I know I shouldn’t ask, but what is Naughty voice telling you now?”
“Um…apparently thread members take turns….um….firmly but gently….um….cupping Mr. NR’s testicles while he works. Literally supporting him.
“No. No. NO. NO. NO! NO!! NO!!!”
“Stop. Duck and Cover” A voice from the 1950’s recommended.
Self took a deep deep breath. “Listen. This is a pirate site. People can get games here without paying the developer. Some use it as sort of a free trial. If they like the game/developer they then go to other sites to monetarily support game/developer. I’m of a mind that if a game has been abandoned there’s no point in supporting it. If the developer is a conman, they aren’t going to post on their pay sites that it’s abandoned so there is some small value to having a site like this post that it’s been abandoned, BUT none of that is applicable here with LoML and Mr. NR. You KNOW it’s not and that’s not just because you're a fanboi. So get your head on straight and lay low until the release. You…” Self’s head was back to normal although his face was very red. “…Wait…Did I hear correctly that you don’t monetarily support LoML?”
“Oh. Shit.” Self caught that?
“Juicy Runny Down-your-leg Poo Poo” A voice obviously pinching its nose while trying to speak described.
“You took a Pinkie Oath with the Girls. I know you did.” Self was pointing a finger at himself…us…me.
Eyes averted downward again (do I even have feet?) “YessnnNoooummMaybe?”
No voices. Just blaring sirens.
Self kept pointing. Waiting. Pointing.
I stammered on “I mean…Um…well about that…I kinda did but kinda didn’t. Just what are the actual rules on Pinkie Swearing? Are they rules or more like guidelines? Because I didn’t actually use my pinkie to…”
Self reached out a grabbed me by the shirt collar. “Didn’t use your pinkie. It’s Pinkie Swearing. With Denise. With Macy. Dear Gawd man…what else could you have possibly used. Anatomically, what’s as small as… your…pink...ie…Oh...” His face was still red but an entirely different shade. “Those poor poor girls…Im so so so so sorry Mr. NR…”
Self turned, stopped and sobbed then continued to walk away. Myself was gone. Leaving just Me and I.
“Abandoned….Unsupported….Conboi?….”
