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Bobbylee69

Newbie
Nov 19, 2020
51
65
Dev the renders are top notch. Like really good. Can see you put in a lot of effort on them. A few devs have issues with positioning and lighting of scenes but there's no problem here.

The music choice is pretty interesting. Definitely doesn't sound like the usual generic tracks.

The story is intriguing, but be careful not too have too many plot threads at once. Better to have a tight and coherent storyline rather than an ambitious one that ends up a sprawling mess. As someone else mentioned, 0.2 just gives us more questions compared to 0.1.

Might have been a better idea to flesh out some details (eg. background of MC, relationship with Eira (?), the heist etc.) to provide a backdrop to the story. The biting ear part just made me go WTF because there wasn't anything about how they dealt with it, nor the characters reactions. It just kind of seemed glossed over.

The writing quality definitely needs to be improved as others mentioned. For me the main issue is the writing style. There's something off about the way they all speak. The punctuation particularly is really jarring.

All in all I think it shows promise, but writing quality is the weakness here. You can have shit renders, no music, meh sex scenes as long as your story is interesting and the writing quality is good and people will think it's good (eg. STWA Author). If writing is bad then people will just fast forward to the sex scenes, and they aren't too great here (for now).
 
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SusanooStudios

Creating Little Things.
Game Developer
Mar 24, 2024
108
349
Dev the renders are top notch. Like really good. Can see you put in a lot of effort on them. A few devs have issues with positioning and lighting of scenes but there's no problem here.

The music choice is pretty interesting. Definitely doesn't sound like the usual generic tracks.

The story is intriguing, but be careful not too have too many plot threads at once. Better to have a tight and coherent storyline rather than an ambitious one that ends up a sprawling mess. As someone else mentioned, 0.2 just gives us more questions compared to 0.1.

Might have been a better idea to flesh out some details (eg. background of MC, relationship with Eira (?), the heist etc.) to provide a backdrop to the story. The biting ear part just made me go WTF because there wasn't anything about how they dealt with it, nor the characters reactions. It just kind of seemed glossed over.

The writing quality definitely needs to be improved as others mentioned. For me the main issue is the writing style. There's something off about the way they all speak. The punctuation particularly is really jarring.

All in all I think it shows promise, but writing quality is the weakness here. You can have shit renders, no music, meh sex scenes as long as your story is interesting and the writing quality is good and people will think it's good (eg. STWA Author). If writing is bad then people will just fast forward to the sex scenes, and they aren't too great here (for now).
I see!!

Thanks a lot for the feedback!!! I must say that it was and still is intentional how strange I chose to make most scenes and interaction with different people in the game, I just like exploring that side instead of opting for realistic ones, but I can see how flawed it is from what you stated and from what I read on some of the reviews. My main focus will now be on trying to rewrite most of the game. As for the content, I will go deep into explaining more in v0.3, since If I'm to have a flashback for example I would like to have a smooth transition instead of the Mc telling someone about his past or yeah it just happening, I quite dislike that but such things in the game are already planned and will go into them.

I will put more focus on re-writing most of the game since I too feel some choices in how I executed things were very extremely odd.

Thank you for giving me more details about everything. Much appreciated!!!!!
 
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Bobbylee69

Newbie
Nov 19, 2020
51
65
There's nothing wrong with making your characters wacky, but it needs to be clear that your story is supposed to go that way. I think "Above the Clouds" or "Once in a Lifetime" for example does this very well. Story doesn't really make sense but it wasn't supposed to in the first place and we're just meant to enjoy the comedy and roll with it.

If you want some movie examples, it'll be like "Dawn of the Dead (2004) vs Zombieland. Dawn of the Dead pisses me off when the characters act stupidly but I'm more willing to overlook it in Zombieland because it's meant to be a comedy.

If you're trying to go for mystery I think "La fille de la Zone" does it very well, but even then it's super confusing to keep track of the plot. Best to limit your plot threads so readers can follow along even if they haven't played it in awhile.

I see!!

Thank a lot for the feedback!!! I must say that it was and still is intentional how strange I chose to make most scenes and interaction with different people in the game, I just like exploring that side instead of opting for realistic ones, but I can see how flawed it is from what you stated and from what I read on some of the reviews. My main focus will now be on trying to rewrite most of the game. As for the content, I will go deep into explaining more in v0.3, since If I'm to have a flashback for example I would like to have a smooth transition instead of the Mc telling someone about his past or yeah it just happening, I quite dislike that but such things in the game are already planned and will go into them.

I will put more focus on re-writing most of the game since I too feel some choices in how I executed things were very extremely odd.

Thank you for giving me more details about everything. Much appreciated!!!!!
 
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SusanooStudios

Creating Little Things.
Game Developer
Mar 24, 2024
108
349
There's nothing wrong with making your characters wacky, but it needs to be clear that your story is supposed to go that way. I think "Above the Clouds" or "Once in a Lifetime" for example does this very well. Story doesn't really make sense but it wasn't supposed to in the first place and we're just meant to enjoy the comedy and roll with it.

If you want some movie examples, it'll be like "Dawn of the Dead (2004) vs Zombieland. Dawn of the Dead pisses me off when the characters act stupidly but I'm more willing to overlook it in Zombieland because it's meant to be a comedy.

If you're trying to go for mystery I think "La fille de la Zone" does it very well, but even then it's super confusing to keep track of the plot. Best to limit your plot threads so readers can follow along even if they haven't played it in awhile.
Thank you for the feedback and the recommendations!!! I'll check them out as soon as I get the chance.
 

VND6

Newbie
Mar 15, 2024
18
17
Hmm.
The first release was a bomb. I loved it!

But now, how the women throws herself at you it´s off putting and ridiculous.
The renders are nice and good looking. But I think that´s it for me...
 
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PickerLewd

Well-Known Member
Dec 22, 2022
1,744
1,820
You can always reject them. They may turn out to be succubi later, or maybe they are just there to fill the chapter's lewd quota :LOL:.
 
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SusanooStudios

Creating Little Things.
Game Developer
Mar 24, 2024
108
349


Hello everyone!

So from what I've seen following the release of v0.2 there was some feedback regarding a few things which are the writing style and punctuation, and the fact that some scenes in the game feel incomplete or rushed and the need for some context to provide explanation for most things happening.

Now for the writing, I have decided to re-write most of the game, and make the dialogue more easy to read and a bit more natural. In some scenes it was intentional to try and make some characters odd since the goal wasn't to go for a normal human interaction, I felt the need to explore the unpredictable side of people and saying things that wouldn't normally be said in a normal interaction but I might have went too far in some areas, so I guess a big change in the writing style is still necessary.
As for the typos, I try to work fast and that goes for typing fast and after having hundreds of lines of code it's harder to spot them. So I did get some help from many people who did report them and proposed changes which I'm extremely thankful for, but now I have extensions to help me spot them directly on Vs code which saves time and finally there will be none or almost no typos in future updates.

When it comes to scenes that felt rushed, I have made the decision to make some of them a bit lengthier which will feel more natural and because I too hated how some of the scenes came out.
Now for context on most events. That is something that I felt would be nicer to explore as the game develops, and I think the fact that there isn't much content in the game makes it all a not too well experience. Now for the next update I decided to add a new Intro that will show a bit of background into the upbringing of the MC.

So for the next update most of the focus will be on the things mentioned above, but I will try to make it as fast as possible so that It doesn't impact the plans that I have for v0.3 that much.

Thank you all for your patience and support!

Best regards,
Susanoo
 
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PickerLewd

Well-Known Member
Dec 22, 2022
1,744
1,820
All I ask is that the main menu music stays. It reminds me of a Final Fantasy boss battle from the 16-bit era, great memories :cool:!
 
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Havik79

Conversation Conqueror
Sep 5, 2019
6,757
8,006
Well for at least on here, find a Grammarly extension for your browser, it is what I use, will certainly help with things like All most, instead of almost.
 
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SusanooStudios

Creating Little Things.
Game Developer
Mar 24, 2024
108
349
Well for at least on here, find a Grammarly extension for your browser, it is what I use, will certainly help with things like All most, instead of almost.
Thanks! I wanted to write "almost all", and then thought "most or all of the game".
I think my biggest issue is not going through what I write after I've finished.
 

sigvar

Member
Sep 5, 2021
263
401
SusanooStudios, game seems confusing as fuck, but I thought that it worked like that. The problem with going that route is when you lose cohesion and don't follow through with some of the mystery. Authors that do can pull of some amazing stories, but it isn't easy. If you are going away from that completely, then so be it. If, however, you continue some of the oddity, keep copious notes on what you were trying to convey at the time and how you envisioned it to be resolved in the future of the story.
 
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SusanooStudios

Creating Little Things.
Game Developer
Mar 24, 2024
108
349
SusanooStudios, game seems confusing as fuck, but I thought that it worked like that. The problem with going that route is when you lose cohesion and don't follow through with some of the mystery. Authors that do can pull of some amazing stories, but it isn't easy. If you are going away from that completely, then so be it. If, however, you continue some of the oddity, keep copious notes on what you were trying to convey at the time and how you envisioned it to be resolved in the future of the story.
Oh of course I have, entire story with the events in each part are planned out already. Now I had to make some small changes for this update since I'm gonna be remaking most of it, but everything's already planned out with notes on each character and their development within the story.
Thank you for the advice!
 
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4.00 star(s) 6 Votes