- Feb 7, 2019
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New character for the upcoming episode.
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- Thread starter Bitter Strawman
- Start date
- Jul 2, 2017
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Very good start. The story is intriguing and the characters are well presented. Also the renders (freckles in all body!) and lewd scenes are good (the final scene with Elsa is above average).
About the plot
About the plot
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- Feb 7, 2019
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- Jul 2, 2017
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Oh, OK. I didn't say anything, then. Thank you.
Beautiful visuals and audio.
The renders are tasteful and the ambient music unobtrusively fits the scenes.
The scene with Elsa outside the cafe reminds me of an Edward Hopper painting.
Animations are well done, but there's room for improvement.
The girls are gorgeous (especially Vicky and Elsa).
Even the waitress is damn fine looking.
I like the (sometimes quite philosophical) dialogue, though it requires better proofreading.
The story is a mixed bag for me.
In general I prefer realistic stories - and amnesia is a trope worn thin in games.
So far the story could have easily worked without amnesia and the supernatural stuff (being unable to leave town, telepathy).
I think that relationships are progressing too fast - it's just not very realistic that people warm up so quickly with the MC, tell him their secrets and ask him for help.
Maybe it's just me, but at the end of the first episode I had a hard time following the story and keeping track of people's motivations, especially regarding Olga and Diana.
Last, but not least: Some change of scenery seemed too abrupt (people not even saying "bye" to each other).
I'm also torn about the choices and their outcome - some are obvious, some aren't, for example
I have to admit that one of the latter was so obscure that I didn't even understand the walkthrough.
I will keep the game on my watch list - it deserves to become more popular.
The renders are tasteful and the ambient music unobtrusively fits the scenes.
The scene with Elsa outside the cafe reminds me of an Edward Hopper painting.
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The girls are gorgeous (especially Vicky and Elsa).
Even the waitress is damn fine looking.
I like the (sometimes quite philosophical) dialogue, though it requires better proofreading.
The story is a mixed bag for me.
In general I prefer realistic stories - and amnesia is a trope worn thin in games.
So far the story could have easily worked without amnesia and the supernatural stuff (being unable to leave town, telepathy).
I think that relationships are progressing too fast - it's just not very realistic that people warm up so quickly with the MC, tell him their secrets and ask him for help.
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Last, but not least: Some change of scenery seemed too abrupt (people not even saying "bye" to each other).
I'm also torn about the choices and their outcome - some are obvious, some aren't, for example
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I will keep the game on my watch list - it deserves to become more popular.
- Feb 7, 2019
- 218
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Nice review, I appreciate it.
Some flaws I hope to fix in next episodes - like animations, proofreading, motivation/relationship development.
Some I can't, unfortunately, like setting choice (I really suck at slice of life stories without any mystic/fantastic element) and narrative speed (I'm limited in resources and don't want to make neverending vn, 7-10 episodes tops. And with slower romantic burn - it will make the story very dry in the beginning and very sex oriented in the end. I would like to make it more balanced. Still gonna take your suggestions into account.)
Thank you again for your review, your help is priceless.
Thanks for your answer.
It's perfectly fine that you prefer to tell stories with fantastic / supernatural elements, but I don't think you would suck at telling a compelling story without those.
Most of the story of "Locked Away" is realistic after all (well, as "realistic" as those stories can be).
It could have easily worked as a realistic story about corruption (mayor, police) or an unsolved crime, similar to "Depraved Awakening".
I agree with you about a balanced approach regarding lewd scenes.
My critique didn't imply I wanted to see those scenes late in the game, but in my opinion episode 2 or 3 would have probably been more appropriate - just give people a little bit of time to get to know (and maybe kiss) each other before getting it on.
I'm probably in a minority here.
Meanwhile I also figured out how to get ending d - the walkthrough is a bit confusing in that regard (or I just wasn't smart enough).
It's perfectly fine that you prefer to tell stories with fantastic / supernatural elements, but I don't think you would suck at telling a compelling story without those.
Most of the story of "Locked Away" is realistic after all (well, as "realistic" as those stories can be).
It could have easily worked as a realistic story about corruption (mayor, police) or an unsolved crime, similar to "Depraved Awakening".
I agree with you about a balanced approach regarding lewd scenes.
My critique didn't imply I wanted to see those scenes late in the game, but in my opinion episode 2 or 3 would have probably been more appropriate - just give people a little bit of time to get to know (and maybe kiss) each other before getting it on.
I'm probably in a minority here.
Meanwhile I also figured out how to get ending d - the walkthrough is a bit confusing in that regard (or I just wasn't smart enough).
- Feb 7, 2019
- 218
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Well after taking some time and playing The DeLuca Family I consider to change a little renders-per-text ratio, so it could actually cover bigger amount of time to tell longer story per episode. I doubt players really need to get unique frame reaction for each line.
However that brings 2 major problems.
I can cover that amount of text and renders (I hope, lol), but that will make episode even bigger than the first one (especially with 4 big routes I've already written for ep2). I get a feeling that most players actually played only one route in 1 ep. Won't it be too long and extensive for players?
The whole "getting known better" and "kissing" thing requires a romantic route for each character. It is easy to write 2 romantic lines in DeLuca Family especially when those characters are rather supporting for main storyline. And it sounds like a nightmare to write 7-8 routes into a story like mine, where they all are main characters. If you start them at once - you need to maintain like 8 routes + main storyline ones. If you start them in different episodes - each one will get different amount of content. What about jealousy and conflicts created by that? That's why I actually planned to fill the whole story with more or less casual sex and leave the whole romance to the end right before the grand finale. (actually the one Depraved Awakening implements IMHO)
I got your point, that it's the emotional foreplay that hooks up. I will see what I can do about that, however I'm not sure the story concept itself gives me too much space without shooting myself in the foot.
- Jul 10, 2017
- 21,616
- 26,645
This here ... this is a wondrous fantasy that dev and fans alike have connected into and are, as we speak, bloating into infinity with hopes, dreams, intent and plots the punch line of which can never be so bold as to reach the actual factual realm.
There are ways to interact with players by defaulting the dream sequence puppet master that claims to have planted the MC into the game. That is a plot forwarding device very useful and also dramatic enough to not trigger 4th wall breakage.
There is also lurking inside the game a Jean Grey level telepath enacting revenge left and right and also altering MC perception by invading his baffled mind with back drop story bombs and clips of hard to grasp turns of events.
Most games lack basic UI explanations and MC introduction as to direct the player in the right direction - any game has limitations and nobody wants the MC to hit brick walls while gaming (falling through walls, getting same dialogue with no way to advance, stopping and wallowing in every plot twist like there was no tomorrow).
This game has very good direction monotones that plunge players into the direction of plot intended by enacting a rinse and repeat strategy - as evidenced by the walk through that puts all rewards at the very end of one's story arc decisions - MC helps said character, they get on with their bilateral story, MC gets rewards from said character he helped.
Such extreme instincts and understanding of human nature puts the MC right there with Ray Donovan as the stunts he can and does pull from the safety of his Jean Grey land lady hideout, who spouts exposition like no other.
There are ways to interact with players by defaulting the dream sequence puppet master that claims to have planted the MC into the game. That is a plot forwarding device very useful and also dramatic enough to not trigger 4th wall breakage.
There is also lurking inside the game a Jean Grey level telepath enacting revenge left and right and also altering MC perception by invading his baffled mind with back drop story bombs and clips of hard to grasp turns of events.
Most games lack basic UI explanations and MC introduction as to direct the player in the right direction - any game has limitations and nobody wants the MC to hit brick walls while gaming (falling through walls, getting same dialogue with no way to advance, stopping and wallowing in every plot twist like there was no tomorrow).
This game has very good direction monotones that plunge players into the direction of plot intended by enacting a rinse and repeat strategy - as evidenced by the walk through that puts all rewards at the very end of one's story arc decisions - MC helps said character, they get on with their bilateral story, MC gets rewards from said character he helped.
Such extreme instincts and understanding of human nature puts the MC right there with Ray Donovan as the stunts he can and does pull from the safety of his Jean Grey land lady hideout, who spouts exposition like no other.
- Feb 7, 2019
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I guess that's why it's so important for me to put brick walls far enough to let as many players through as possible and close enough to not let them lose the way. There is a crosspoint where satisfaction of all sides is maxed.
That is if I get your message correct)
- Oct 13, 2016
- 2,760
- 9,193
Interesting (intriguing) story and characters. Would like to see more!
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I mostly followed the "optimal" route (maximum relationship points) and then dabbled around with the different endings.
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Well, that's what you get for creating so many beautiful / interesting characters.
I'm always hoping for a romance path, but if you have something different in mind - so be it.
I'm surprised you are talking about 8 main characters - to me it seems some of them are more important (especially Elsa and Vicky, who are also my favorites so far).
However, I can only imagine the nightmare of implementing several paths with meaningful choices.
I think the most important thing you as a developer can do is to follow your own artistic vision.
In the end you want to create a game you feel passionate about, a game you like to play yourself.
Trying to cater to the masses is a shortcut to failure.
With that said: Don't get confused by (my) criticism.
If you consider anything you read useful - fine, else: ignore it.
- Jul 10, 2017
- 21,616
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The point got through ... thank you for that meaningful response.
also ... as the intended game creation road map looks like this:
Dream on ... whatever your passion ... drive it to 11 and send it flying towards the apples of our eyes!
also ... as the intended game creation road map looks like this:
I can see the continuation of any of the other game babes routes in the next iteration ... maybe with the mayor in a more or less latest series of Ray Donovan ... maybe with the girl co owning the diner ... as the story and the fulmination of the ginger that literally twisted what little wit MC had left after constant emotional and dreamy abuse was spectacular.
Dream on ... whatever your passion ... drive it to 11 and send it flying towards the apples of our eyes!
- Feb 7, 2019
- 218
- 850
I know, but my artistic vision has points that won't be changed no matter what and points that can be debatable. It's not about "changing story to satisfy masses", it's more like "tuning".I think the most important thing you as a developer can do is to follow your own artistic vision.
In the end you want to create a game you feel passionate about, a game you like to play yourself.
Trying to cater to the masses is a shortcut to failure.
With that said: Don't get confused by (my) criticism.
If you consider anything you read useful - fine, else: ignore it.
About your criticism - I understand that as well. You were kind enough to write detailed opinion, I thought it would be fair to share some ideas, vision, what can and what can't be done and why. I know I can't satisfy every single player)
- Feb 7, 2019
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Who knows)
I hope you will like it. I appreciate your support.
- Mar 21, 2018
- 720
- 1,082
I liked it a lot! Much more content than I was expecting with a first release, and the renders where very good. Elsa and her freckles are very nice for sure. And the story was really good too, the cliffhanger definitely will have me waiting for the next update. Thanks very much for the game!
- Mar 21, 2018
- 720
- 1,082
I actually thought the same exact thing, so now I'm wondering who it is since it seems like you're saying it's not her!
- Feb 7, 2019
- 218
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I was always wondering, how can differ what are you trying to tell and what player hears.
It's like an extra intrigue.
I'm glad you liked it though.
It's like an extra intrigue.
I'm glad you liked it though.
- Jul 10, 2017
- 21,616
- 26,645
Hello everybody!
Happy spring opening along some of gaming better moving ladies and a great hitch/the counselor/eraser level kind MC.
Also such disconnect between creator and MC is a tale forever theme - that is why game makers need beta testers and why star cr a ft coders were/are some of the better sta r cr aft players - any average player just cannot contend with infatuated makers not seeing just how much of an abbreviated version of their stories actually make it on screen and may seem disconnect or strange to new players, Spring on!
Happy spring opening along some of gaming better moving ladies and a great hitch/the counselor/eraser level kind MC.
Also such disconnect between creator and MC is a tale forever theme - that is why game makers need beta testers and why star cr a ft coders were/are some of the better sta r cr aft players - any average player just cannot contend with infatuated makers not seeing just how much of an abbreviated version of their stories actually make it on screen and may seem disconnect or strange to new players, Spring on!
- Feb 7, 2019
- 218
- 850
I tried, it didn't help in plot questions, opinions became ridiculously different, but justified.