in re: Sister's sexual history;
I'm not sure if you've gotten a sense of this yet -- I skimmed the thread -- or how aware you are of the current state of western erotic games, but even the barest whiff of 'infidelity' toward the main character will deliver unto you a torrent of poorly typed engrish the likes of which is seldom witnessed. People fucking *hate* the merest notion of any single male in the universe having sexual contact with 'your women' when they're playing these kinds of games.
I'm sure there's enough anthropology, sociology, and Freudian psychology that has covered this phenomena, but it's really something you need to be aware of at the very outset. Either do what you want and prepare to receive badly typed internet death threats or be prepared to alter your story to appease the masses (and possibly rake in more patreonbux).
Personally, I think cowtowing to the masses usually makes things generic and uninteresting. But it's your call.
Second thing -- and I'm sure you already know this -- but I'd encourage you to jump on your initial success. Great demos can usually springboard into solid success if you manage to put out some more content in a relatively timely fashion (2-3 weeks, with a visible update schedule so people can keep it present in their mind). Then you might downshift to monthly as implementation gets more complex.
As to the actual demo, here are some thoughts;
The writing was pretty far above par, save occasional lapses into really modern voice and style. I'm not thinking it will be optimal to write in ye olde anglishe, but I was really jarred by a few turns of phrase by the main character/s. If you want, I can go in and find direct references. The overall set up seems perfectly adequate, if a bit extended. The setting is fresh and new, most old-timey projects get dropped rapidly.
My biggest complaint is probably, ironically, Belle. She occasionally slowed the intro down a little bit too much. It's not so much that the character isn't good -- but rather that there is such a thing as too much of a good thing. Most of her dialogue doesn't really serve any purpose beyond being funny, which is fantastic in limited amounts, but will eventually wear out its welcome. Obviously you enjoy writing that dialogue -- so it's not so much that I think you should stop, but rather have Belle's interactions generally serve a greater purpose. Further, simply being aware that she's in the game is an interesting premise, but leaning on the 4th wall is rarely intrinsically funny the longer it goes on unless there's serious commitment.
You've indicated you want to do something peculiar with her plotline, well I'd suggest that you go whole hog on her status as a character. Make her address the player, have her indicate the artificiality (save scumming, etc) of the setting. What, after all, could an immortal fae who knows their existence is an unending artificial hell want? Amusement? Freedom? Something genuinely interesting?
I'm digressing.
Overall, a strong demo. The modeling is notably high quality. Lastly, I'd say you need to characterize Dickon a bit more. Right now, he's an inconsistently generic 3d porn game pervert. I'm not sure if that's the goal, but his very minor degree of upstandingness versus his total, instant desire to molest his sleeping sister went largely uncommented on and was kind of jarring.
I'm not sure if you've gotten a sense of this yet -- I skimmed the thread -- or how aware you are of the current state of western erotic games, but even the barest whiff of 'infidelity' toward the main character will deliver unto you a torrent of poorly typed engrish the likes of which is seldom witnessed. People fucking *hate* the merest notion of any single male in the universe having sexual contact with 'your women' when they're playing these kinds of games.
I'm sure there's enough anthropology, sociology, and Freudian psychology that has covered this phenomena, but it's really something you need to be aware of at the very outset. Either do what you want and prepare to receive badly typed internet death threats or be prepared to alter your story to appease the masses (and possibly rake in more patreonbux).
Personally, I think cowtowing to the masses usually makes things generic and uninteresting. But it's your call.
Second thing -- and I'm sure you already know this -- but I'd encourage you to jump on your initial success. Great demos can usually springboard into solid success if you manage to put out some more content in a relatively timely fashion (2-3 weeks, with a visible update schedule so people can keep it present in their mind). Then you might downshift to monthly as implementation gets more complex.
As to the actual demo, here are some thoughts;
The writing was pretty far above par, save occasional lapses into really modern voice and style. I'm not thinking it will be optimal to write in ye olde anglishe, but I was really jarred by a few turns of phrase by the main character/s. If you want, I can go in and find direct references. The overall set up seems perfectly adequate, if a bit extended. The setting is fresh and new, most old-timey projects get dropped rapidly.
My biggest complaint is probably, ironically, Belle. She occasionally slowed the intro down a little bit too much. It's not so much that the character isn't good -- but rather that there is such a thing as too much of a good thing. Most of her dialogue doesn't really serve any purpose beyond being funny, which is fantastic in limited amounts, but will eventually wear out its welcome. Obviously you enjoy writing that dialogue -- so it's not so much that I think you should stop, but rather have Belle's interactions generally serve a greater purpose. Further, simply being aware that she's in the game is an interesting premise, but leaning on the 4th wall is rarely intrinsically funny the longer it goes on unless there's serious commitment.
You've indicated you want to do something peculiar with her plotline, well I'd suggest that you go whole hog on her status as a character. Make her address the player, have her indicate the artificiality (save scumming, etc) of the setting. What, after all, could an immortal fae who knows their existence is an unending artificial hell want? Amusement? Freedom? Something genuinely interesting?
I'm digressing.
Overall, a strong demo. The modeling is notably high quality. Lastly, I'd say you need to characterize Dickon a bit more. Right now, he's an inconsistently generic 3d porn game pervert. I'm not sure if that's the goal, but his very minor degree of upstandingness versus his total, instant desire to molest his sleeping sister went largely uncommented on and was kind of jarring.
