MC has not grown or became a better person, unless you think that a kind and caring person is worse than a kind and caring person with PTSD and no self worth.
He is a very damaged version of what he was before, it is stated constantly, it is seen constantly, I don't know where this fairytale vision is coming from.
Addled by nightmares, puking his guts out, crumbling like a card pyramid...is this the growth?
The main plot point for MC is that he is getting worse and worse.
The Pimp has also been shown to be a horrible person then and a horrible person now.
Throwing literally two hugs to the person you hurt doesn't make you a better or grown person.
In reality she got even worse and we discover that she abused Lacey and blames her for it.
Where did she improve? When she decided to bring a lot of drugs to an addict fighting the addiction?
When she decided that the person you damaged so much doesn't deserve her husband?
Not even for the sake of the husband, mind you, but because you want more of him for yourself?
She gave MC a PTSD episode at the beginning of act 2 at his celebration, she keeps on trying during his special weekend and tries to do it even in public during a lunch date.
How is this an improved person? She is arguably worse than Act 1, and I say arguably because it would be hard to find a worse character in the game universe.
Even Evan respected Lacey more than she does.
Where did the pimp EVER communicated openly or confronted the pain she caused to others? All we see is her doing is gaslight and mistreat MC, betray Lacey TWICE (great open communication) and then shift the blame to Lacey about college.
Seriously, I don't want to sound rude and you're definitely entitled to your opinion, but that was the hottest take I have ever seen in this thread and we had people justifying leaving people to die if that interfered with a work meeting.
So firstly, I just want to say that you don't have to add "I don't want to sound rude" to the end of your comment. Everything you posted was in line with what I expect from a discussion forum, and I have heard worse and meaner from lit and creative writing classes. I can tell that we both have a lot of emotions about the story, and that probably reflects where we each are right now in our journeys. Posting on forums can be scary because there are assholes who just want to be hurtful and belittle others. With those, I just engage as little as possible. However, you are not one of those, and I'm happy you replied to me and shared your thoughts. I hope you continue to do so.
So, before I go into a deeper explanation about my opinions, I want to examine if I am judging this too much from a meta perspective and allowing my personal experience to taint my opinion. On the meta level, I have engaged with the author's other work, On Top of a Mountain, and well,l I haven't yet played On Distant Shores. I am noticing some overarching themes that the author wants to explore with their work, and that is maybe coloring my opinion about where the characters are currently. The author is all about the damage trauma does to us and causes us to do to others, and an exploration of what it means to grow, forgive, accept, and strive to be a better person.
And upon examining my thoughts, I may also be allowing my thoughts about where the characters will end up at the end of the story to color my opinion about where they are now. I truly believe one of the main arcs for the MC is not only his trauma and ptsd but his trauma responses. In the first act, it was anger. In the second act, it was avoidance. And I feel like I know for certain the last act will be acceptance. Accepting that a horrible thing has happened, that it hurt you greatly. But letting go of the pain it causes you and not allowing it to have any more power over your life. So when I talk about Mia and MC, I will make a concerted effort to only focus on where they are now and why i think that they have grown.
Let me also go into what I think growth is, so we are on the same page with my thoughts on it. You and I may have different ideas about growth. So I just want to make sure you see what my thoughts on it are so that you understand me better. Growth is not something that is linear. It is a path with pitfalls, setbacks, long periods of stagnation, and even reversion. And even when you have grown, that doesn't magically make you a better person. You are perfectly capable of being on a path of growth and still doing fucked up things that hurt yourself or those around you. It's all about striving each day to be better than the person you were the day before in ways both large and small, and being honest with yourself and others about who you are and where you are on your journey.
Lastly, I will briefly touch on why my personal experience may be affecting my view of where the characters are currently. The trauma I experienced in my first decade or so of life broke me in many ways. Ways that I am still recovering from. In my teens, my trauma response was anger. I was an angry asshole who picked fights all the time, who was abusive to those I love, and was an all-around angry piece of shit. In my twenties, I over-corrected the other way, and my trauma response became avoidance. I avoided thinking about or addressing my trauma. I spent the entire decade avoiding making any truly meaningful connections. Because, well, I hated myself for what an angry asshole I had become and felt like I was unworthy of love, and that no one would ever accept me if they truly saw me. I drowned myself in an ocean of isolation and used pot so extensively as a means of escape that, like Lacey, I probably have given myself brain damage that can never truly heal. I was in such a dark place that I was constantly suicidal. I feel like I am in a better place now and have moved towards acceptance. I see so much of myself in these characters, and it feels like the author must be on a similar journey to me. There are even moments when I feel like they specifically wrote this for me.
So, after all of that, let me talk about Mia and MC. I will not address Lacey and Isaac because they were not the focus of your reply. Maybe we both feel like the ways they have grown are more clearly obvious?
I will start with Mia. I will not claim that she is in a healthy place. Nor will I defend her behavior. She has been a shitty friend, more than shitty. She has been exploitive and abusive. However, I think calling her a pimp does her a disservice and is far too cynical. She is a broken young woman who was raped twice in one day. Once by the person she trusted the most. Her brother was one of her primary caretakers. She came to him about her sexual assault, and what did he do? he said she was worthless now and raped her as well. I mean fuck! I don't even know how you can begin to heal from that. How such a thing doesn't drive you to suicide? How do you move on and heal from that? Not only from the violation, but from the absolute breaking of trust and your ability to feel like anyone you let in, love, and trust might become your abuser?
There is no doubt that she guided Lacey down a dark path. That she exploited her and there friendship.Not that it excuses her, but I think that it came not from a desire to see Lacey fall, or not even just from her initial explanation of wanting to overcome her fear of sex. I know I said I wouldn't speculate and focus on covering what we have been shown. But I can't help but wonder if Mia had orgasms during her sexual assaults. Such a thing can be deeply confusing and traumatic for the victim. I wonder if seeing Lacey orgasm and supposedly have fun and find enjoyment from rough, demeaning, and abusive sex made her feel less alone. Like she was less of an awful person for cumming from her own violation. It might explain why she kept the photos of Lacey smiling just for herself and cherished them the most. It would also explain why she has so much trouble accepting Lacey's truth about what those moments meant to her, about what was going through Lacey's head. Because if she does, then she is once again all alone, a broken slut who orgasmed from being raped.
She has grown from who she was in college. She has opened herself up and was honest with the MC about her rape. Something she didn't even do with Lacey. The MC might even be the first man she has ever trusted since her brother. That is growth. And I wonder if a part of her thinks that the MC might rape her, or if she fantasizes about such a thing. Kinda like how a part of Lacey thinks that the MC will abuse or kill her, and tries to process those emotions by fantasizing about it.
Yes, she is a confused and hurt mess. Yes, she said cruel things to the MC and took active steps to try to end their relationship. But when she called MC a cuck I think it came from a place of wanting him to lash out, defend himself, or attack her. She wanted to be caught and confronted by him. She left her purse full of K right in front of him and went to the restroom. She wanted him to call her out for it. Maybe she doesn't even fully understand why she did so.
Even in the two things that I can recall her doing to end their relationship, or at least challenge the status quo. Her efforts were honest and maybe even a little half-hearted. She told Anna about everything. She was honest with Lacey about the drugs. She could have so easily been sneaky and spiked her drinks to get her to relapse. But instead, she just put the K on the table. We don't see the first part of that conversation because it cuts back to the MC. But whatever her plan was, it was half-hearted. So half-hearted that it makes me wonder if she ever intended to end their relationship. Or if she just wanted to provide stimuli for change. Or if she even knows herself, why she took these actions.
With Kelly, she was also honest with Lacey. When they were dancing, she just straight up told Lacey that Kelly is you if you had a normal childhood and bigger tits. And I personally can't decide if that was even an attempt to end their relationship or get Laceys ass in gear by confronting her with what she fears the most. The MC leaving her for someone who is normal and healthy.
Mia's pain and trauma cause her to scheme and manipulate. But she also deeply cares about and loves the MC and Lacey. I don't think she ever expected to fall in love with the MC, and now that she has, she doesn't know how to process it. Doesn't know how to deal with the new pain of knowing that she will never have his love the same way Lacey does. And she is consumed by guilt and shame over the way her actions and guidance played a part in the trauma of the man she loves. All her manipulations and schemes come from these emotions. It's not healthy, it's not right. But it is a sign of growth, of trying to address the wrongs she did in the past. Even if in doing so, she commits new mistakes. She is not a finished product; none of us truly are. But she has grown, is growing, and is becoming more honest with others and hopefully herself.
Now onto the MC in what has become an English lit essay. I truly want to thank you. Your response gave me the impetus to examine my thoughts on the characters and make sense of why I feel the way I do. In Taoism, there is this concept that words can never actually portray the truth of something. That by writing or speaking, we pervert or corrupt the true essence of what we mean and feel. It's something I struggle with. I always feel like an inadequate vessel for my thoughts and feelings. That I can never truly convey them in a way that is true and meaningful. That my writing is flat, uninspired, boring, and pointless. I know this has turned into a full-fledged essay, but I hope it has at least been an enjoyable read and given you deeper insight into who I am and why I feel the way I do about these characters.
From a very young age, the MC made Lacey the center of his world. Why he first decided to do so we don't truly know yet. Why was he there when his parents were in Germany? What was going on in his life that he so easily made someone else the center of it? Was he escaping from loneliness? from an existence without point? Was there some trauma or abuse we don't know about yet? He fell in love with her and spent his childhood caring for her to the point where it was a hyperfixation. This is sweet and a type of love that I've always been obsessed with and wanted for myself. But it is also deeply unhealthy, and from the time he met Lacey to the end of college, he never truly grew or lived for himself. He made rules for how to save her, saw her better than he ever saw himself, and in a way became her primary caregiver. All of that is deeply wonderful and utterly horrid.
And then, for lack of a better word, she betrayed him. Left him with no warning or time to adjust to such a momentous change. Escaping from her trauma, from the pain that broke her, became more important to Lacey than her love for the MC, and so the MC spent the next four years existing but not living. He never formed truly meaningful connections, even with Anna; he never let her in until it was almost too late. Lacey was gone, and still, he made his life revolve around her. He was so broken. It was a betrayal by Lacey, but at the same time, it was the MC that gave that betrayal so much power. He should have used that time and distance to examine himself, what he wanted, and how he wanted to live. But he was unable to do so because he was so afraid that Lacey would come back at any moment and need him. He existed around a theoretical.
Which brings us to the events of the game. And yes, I truly believe he has grown. Paradoxically, since Lacey has returned to his world, his world has expanded beyond her. He now truly lives. He has made connections and friendships, and loves that are his own and exist without correlation to Lacey. Christine, Kelly, Jeanna, Veronica, Mia, Isaac, Anna, and everyone else are connected to him for him. Because they see how special he truly is and want him to be a part of their world. They love, cherish, and accept him. pain, trauma, flaws, and all. Lacey sees this as well and wants him to have this so much that she's willing to share him with other women. She wants him to discover who he is outside his relationship to her. Wants him to experience all that he missed out on by making her all that matters. Wants him to discover what sex and relationships mean to him outside any correlation with her.
He also found a career that fulfills him. working with talented people who admire him. He excels at work and takes pride in it. He has become the center of an entire division. Has achieved success and will be able to live a life without the stress of financial hardship.
He proved to himself with Jared that he is strong and capable. Able to protect those he loves, form plans of action to deal with threats, and carry them out to an extraordinary level of success. Some people noted that Jared has become a background character; some have noted that it's weird that he so easily became a cuck. But I think that just speaks to the level of MC's triumph over him. He utterly defeated him. Destroying his career and making him financially dependent upon his fiancée. He may have even made Jared confront feelings that he was suppressing. Feelings which made him act towards women the way he did. All of this is a maybe and depends on whether Jared stays in this role.
But in doing so, the MC was also affected. In dealing with a horrid piece of shit, he started thinking that he had to deal with others the way he had to deal with Jared. That's why he didn't confront Mia when she called him a cuck, and saw that she had K in her bag. because he now assumed that every situation might have to be met by outmaneuvering the other person instead of talking to them. The Monster called him on this, and he seems to have taken it to heart and is healing from the trauma of having to deal with Jared.
In the first act, his trauma response was anger. He raged at Lacey and everyone else who wronged him. He insulted and belittled her. Screamed at her. Called her a whore and a slut. He was so fucking angry that he was abusive. He even fell into the cycle of raging and then NEEDING to apologize to the person you blew up at and NEEDING to reassure them that it wont happen again. A need that runs marrow deep. Anger can feel good when you are in its throes, but the shame that follows is even more potent. He didn't know how to process the pain of her betrayal, of his jealousy, of how it hurt to feel abandoned. For her to have had things that were more important than him for a while. Hell, his whole journey is about confronting these feelings well retaining his love for her. He recognized that this anger was wrong and destructive, and started trying to be better.
Recognizing that his extreme anger was a flaw was a step along the journey of growth. However, in Act Two, he overcorrected, and his trauma response became avoidance. He started to willfully avoid all that was causing him pain. Wanting to ignore his PTSD, his pain, and the fact that Lacey has, in many ways, been a narcissistic abuser towards him since childhood. It's not all she is, but it's part of it. It's not all of their relationship, but it is a shadow that haunts it. It causes him so much pain. He struggles to process or desire to process that the woman he loves has been responsible for much of his trauma. He doesn't want to confront that she has been his abuser. It's why he defends Lacey to Diane; it's why everyone can see that he's getting worse. It's part of why he didn't confront Mia about the K. But he has also started to accept that avoidance is just as bad as anger. That he needs to work towards the next step, which is acceptance. Of letting go of his pain and not letting his trauma control his life. It sucks, it's horrid, and I just want to give him a hug. But it is a part of his journey and his growth.
Most hopeful of all. And why I think he is headed towards acceptance. Is that he is truly trying to see, understand, and accept Lacey. His pain comes from that desire. But it is also the thing that will save their relationship. Not only that, but he wants to see and understand himself. He is constantly questioning why he does things, why he feels the way he does, and what that says about him. Almost every internal monologue we have seen from him so far is a meaningful examination of himself and others. In particular, that last internal monologue of Act Two that he had. When he was in his office before he went home, and saw Diane and Lacey talking. That internal monologue was deeply moving and healthy. He is a man with an earnest desire to see and understand everyone he cares about, and even those he may hate. And while I am here, I want to touch on how he showed real maturity and growth when he let Isaac deal with that douchbag in the gym, and Isaac showed growth in how he dealt with that douchbag
Another hopeful fact and sign of growth is that he has accepted that he is not alone. In his childhood, all he had was Lacey. In college, he drowned alone until Anna saved him. But now he understands that he's not alone. That he is loved and cared about by so many people. He may not fully understand or accept that yet. But he is still alive and healing because it is true. Because he is striving to be open and honest with them. Someone talked about how it must have been humiliating for others to watch the Damian live stream with him. But fuck he wouldn't have survived that if he were alone. His friends being there for him saved his life. He is slowly learning that he can rely on them and trust them. That they see him warts and all and love him anyway. That he doesn't have to suffer alone. That honest communication always defeats evil plots like what Jared, Will, and their douchbag landlord have attempted. It shows real growth that when he was confronted with the Littlebitch video and he fell completely into rage. That he didn't go to the cliffs again. Instead, he went to Kelly. Confided in her, let her comfort and take care of him. He was broken and in despair, and yet did the healthy thing. And in turn, Kelly was able to share the video with Lacey, Mia, and Anna, which helped immensely. He also showed real growth by listening to the Monster and taking the video to Christine. Who, in turn, saved the day. It also seems to have served as the moment when he started to stop avoiding his trauma. Instead of running away or keeping his pain inside, he went back to Lacey and talked to her. That is growth and open communication.
Thank you to everyone who took the time to read that. I know it was a lot. I guess it turns out I really like writing, have a lot to say, and that maybe I should stop running from trying to be an author. That I should go easier on myself, give myself a chance, and see if I can achieve my dreams. I don't blame anyone for skipping over my post through. It was a lot.
Traditionally, Act Two in a three-act structure serves as the nadir, the dark night of the soul. And I truly believe that Act Three will show even more growth, positive change, and love. I truly believe that this is not a cynical story about NTR. Where the women are irredeemable evil sluts, where the man is powerless and weak, where the "bull" is potent and cruel. I can't comment on the personal experiences, traumatic events, pain, and journeys that are causing some of you to look at these characters so cynically. But I would love for you to share some of those thoughts with me if you're willing and able to. This story has NTR. But at its heart, it is a deeply optimistic love story about how we don't have to let our trauma consume and break us. About how we are not hopeless monsters, even when our pain causes us to hurt and manipulate others, and lie to ourselves. That we can all grow and journey towards health and happiness. That when we open ourselves up to others, they will see, accept, and support us. How we can save those we love by doing the same in turn. About how can we heal from trauma if we are honest with ourselves. About the power of love and friendship, and how while the world might be a dark and hungry place that will devour us if we let it. That our connections with others are threads of golden sunlight that keep us safe. That we don't have to drown alone in an ocean of oil in rust.
