- Jan 21, 2019
- 80
- 125
HolyFish
That is how you learn to write, you make mistakes and fix them. Yes I do think damage is done but that is not excuse to
not give you absolute best because if your don't correct you missing on opportunity to learn on it and it gets way harder
to correct later because it is gonna affect your writing later since you can't ignore it, since ignoring means doing same mistake again.
If it is cheap excuse and detracts from the story you are trying to tell then it has no reason exists and it is waste of time
that can be put into better things. If I were you I would just straight up delete all those things.
Again that with bullies was just example that you can use even small things like that for such purpose.
It goes to my previous characterization of Lust that he still doesn't understand emotions and doesn't have proper morals
So not only can you get away with it but also use it for narrative purpose it to great effect.
Thing is I'm not here trying to rewrite your story or harp on how bad I think it is or not, or what I personally desire. What I'm trying to do is to give you perspective on how to approach writing because this is what it is. You are very passionate about it and doing good work and I think you can do so much better.I misunderstood what Blas said, sorry. I thought what he meant was using mind control would affect the story and lock the player out of an ending.
I think I saw a problem, Ai is the first one you meet so it's obvious you would want to build a relationship with her. But a bit more into the story the MC will meet Gloria and suddenly the "MC is still weak and can't do anything." as well as Ai's role as the helper gets pushed to the side for Gloria.
This is a mistake caused by my (very) bad pacing skill, but the damage is already done and the story has progressed too much after that to go back and fix it. I will keep this in mind and try to keep all characters relevant in the future.
The changing memories thing is just cheap excuse to use mind control and easy sex anyway, the main character building part will be through their quest.
Adding bullies into the games might be difficult since Ai has her groups of friends to protect her, I will need to think of another scenario for the MC to interfere.
That is how you learn to write, you make mistakes and fix them. Yes I do think damage is done but that is not excuse to
not give you absolute best because if your don't correct you missing on opportunity to learn on it and it gets way harder
to correct later because it is gonna affect your writing later since you can't ignore it, since ignoring means doing same mistake again.
If it is cheap excuse and detracts from the story you are trying to tell then it has no reason exists and it is waste of time
that can be put into better things. If I were you I would just straight up delete all those things.
Again that with bullies was just example that you can use even small things like that for such purpose.
It goes to my previous characterization of Lust that he still doesn't understand emotions and doesn't have proper morals
So not only can you get away with it but also use it for narrative purpose it to great effect.