Added another small update, mostly just more dialogue for the browser-version. Next update for the main game will hopefully have the Manko/Mom sex scene.
Also, someone was interested enough in the VN to download the early build of it where literally everything was purple, which was kind of a surprise to see. Most of the time, seeing the views and downloads are the only things that motivate me to continue with it, as small as they are. Last night I was just staring at all the porn VNs that are of a similar quality to mine that get abandoned, and I thought about why I still slave away at it when for like 3 nights this week I just stared at the black screen on my computer struggling to motivate myself to do it.
The only reason why I started working on it for this update was that I was sick, and as I lay in bed playing my Switch games until I was bored, I ended up working on the VN again because I had nothing left to do.
That was when I kinda realized, I have nothing left to do aside from this VN. Like it or not, this is the project I'm committed to, and I guess I'm committed to it mainly because I don't have anything else to occupy my time. Sometimes when working on this VN, I think about James Hampton and Henry Darger, alone in their weird creative pursuits that never get finished during their lifetime, and I wonder what motivated them to spend so many years working alone, willfully isolated from the world partly because of their abrasive personalities and obsession with their art.
Sometimes, as I work on this, I think that the answer might be that without the art, they have nothing, so it never gets finished until they die, and they refuse to show their work to others unless they receive praise because they're so attached to their art that praise for it is like praise for them, and although they're open to criticism they're only open to it if people understand their vision, and why they do what they do.
So, criticizing James Hampton's throne would be dismissed because the throne wasn't meant as a piece of art to be judged, but as a chair for a holy figure to sit on. Criticizing Henry Darger's work would just be mean at a certain point because he spent decades working on it alone in self-imposed suffering, and how could you feel good about yourself if you put a grade on something that a man who lived in poverty spent decades of his life creating?
In this case, I suppose what I want is for Master Of Dragon's to be a reflection of how I see the world, in a twisted way. But, truth be told, I don't really know why I continue with it and what I hope to achieve with it beyond it becoming popular. Maybe, what I want is for the VN to attract some friends, and get some support for my mental health, because I know how mentally-unstable I am, and it is frustrating to live in Vancouver where mentally-ill elderly people wander the streets. Sometimes, when I work on the VN I think "That could be me when I'm 60, wandering the streets, homeless. Maybe if this VN becomes successful, I can avoid that fate, somehow?"
Not just the VN, though, my novel as well as my current Tumblr blog. I keep thinking that if one of those things becomes popular online, maybe that fate can be avoided. Perhaps the real reason why I keep coming back to work on the VN is because it might be my only creative project that I work on with a friend, and without that friend it might not be worth continuing, and I don't want it to end because it would mean losing my friend, or not talking to him as much.
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Also, someone was interested enough in the VN to download the early build of it where literally everything was purple, which was kind of a surprise to see. Most of the time, seeing the views and downloads are the only things that motivate me to continue with it, as small as they are. Last night I was just staring at all the porn VNs that are of a similar quality to mine that get abandoned, and I thought about why I still slave away at it when for like 3 nights this week I just stared at the black screen on my computer struggling to motivate myself to do it.
The only reason why I started working on it for this update was that I was sick, and as I lay in bed playing my Switch games until I was bored, I ended up working on the VN again because I had nothing left to do.
That was when I kinda realized, I have nothing left to do aside from this VN. Like it or not, this is the project I'm committed to, and I guess I'm committed to it mainly because I don't have anything else to occupy my time. Sometimes when working on this VN, I think about James Hampton and Henry Darger, alone in their weird creative pursuits that never get finished during their lifetime, and I wonder what motivated them to spend so many years working alone, willfully isolated from the world partly because of their abrasive personalities and obsession with their art.
Sometimes, as I work on this, I think that the answer might be that without the art, they have nothing, so it never gets finished until they die, and they refuse to show their work to others unless they receive praise because they're so attached to their art that praise for it is like praise for them, and although they're open to criticism they're only open to it if people understand their vision, and why they do what they do.
So, criticizing James Hampton's throne would be dismissed because the throne wasn't meant as a piece of art to be judged, but as a chair for a holy figure to sit on. Criticizing Henry Darger's work would just be mean at a certain point because he spent decades working on it alone in self-imposed suffering, and how could you feel good about yourself if you put a grade on something that a man who lived in poverty spent decades of his life creating?
In this case, I suppose what I want is for Master Of Dragon's to be a reflection of how I see the world, in a twisted way. But, truth be told, I don't really know why I continue with it and what I hope to achieve with it beyond it becoming popular. Maybe, what I want is for the VN to attract some friends, and get some support for my mental health, because I know how mentally-unstable I am, and it is frustrating to live in Vancouver where mentally-ill elderly people wander the streets. Sometimes, when I work on the VN I think "That could be me when I'm 60, wandering the streets, homeless. Maybe if this VN becomes successful, I can avoid that fate, somehow?"
Not just the VN, though, my novel as well as my current Tumblr blog. I keep thinking that if one of those things becomes popular online, maybe that fate can be avoided. Perhaps the real reason why I keep coming back to work on the VN is because it might be my only creative project that I work on with a friend, and without that friend it might not be worth continuing, and I don't want it to end because it would mean losing my friend, or not talking to him as much.
