- Nov 12, 2021
- 30
- 37
excellent update now I'm just waiting for the other game to come out too, the one about the band
- Thread starter Zemax
- Start date
Just to add to my earlier criticisms now that I got through the rest of the game. There is lots of missing dialogue. Like entire character lines missing where there is a response from another character implied even though there is no line for the character. Many grammatical errors and missing or incorrect words. I'm guessing the script was just hastily written with no proofreaders so it could be understandable. On the subject of "male domination" there literally is none, in fact I would say it's quite the opposite but it's really just back and forth banter. That being said, no dominant male would ever allow people to speak to him the way this character does with no repercussions, especially the disrespect he gets from love interests. Male domination is more than just holding your partners head while she sucks you off. Even the one character who is submissive ends up submitting to her female employee rather than the man who's dick is in her mouth.
- Oct 29, 2017
- 3,294
- 15,009
Move the Chains. A game that has some measure of potential, yet is sabotaged by it's own devs supposed 'humor' and idiocy. Where to truly begin with this assessment so far three chapters in?
The Good:
Visuals are stunning and high quality, if not bloated in file size.
Characters are well done and crafted, both in looks and character. Lack of a redhead romance is telling. Skill issue perhaps.
Story itself is solid, a come from the darkest place and rise up through it all, dealing with drama and crap along the way. It is handled well.
The Bad:
The Dialogue.
The One Off 'Real World Mentions'.
The 'Humor'.
Minor pacing issues.
-
Dialogue wise it's all over the place, not to mention long winded in parts that make it bloated. I get that Fortune wants to try and be "edgy" and has supposedly tried to back it down a bit, but I'm going to be blunt here. There's alot more work that needs to be done on that end. The whole attempt of dialogue with some of the characters in being from the 'hood' and the constant over use of a terms used is way too much, and likely out of proprotion. <removed> this, <removed> that, Whitey this, etc. Save yourself from ruining this games potential and take that sort of shit out. Your over projecting and shooting yourself in the foot with shit like that. I'm not even joking when I say this. You could easily replace those lines with fucker and motherfucker and all sorts of alternatives. Not only will it make you look less edgy but less desperate to 'make a point'. Additionally, with the moments of racial bullshit, I'd make the suggestion to simmer it down. If it were in the manner of a joke in a light heartmanner, it's fine, but outside of that I'd make some considerations.
-
The one off mentions also don't help the story at all one damn bit. I mean fucking seriously? Rittenhouse? Cosby? Weinstein? Epstien? Nazis? Mentioning players and such, thats all fine, given the parallels to the sports involved, but everything else? This is on par with the completely out of left field bullshit scene with the Neo Nazis from We Were Just Kids that had no sense or reasoning. Kill this line and useage of bullshit before it gets worse. Your wanting to make this game to be a success money wise, particularly on steam. Most players likely are wanting to play for the escape and such. But then to have the Dev's 'views' and 'opinions' on one off mentions of shit like this? It's a bad look on a marketing view point if your wanting your net to be wide as possible.
-
Humor wise, it's either hit or entirely out of left field. While sure, humor is subjective and varies in taste, but here, your have some measure of comedy that do come across, while other times it's 'wow... thats more cringy/try hard' more than anything. My natural suggestion would be try to relate the humor to everyone more so rather than just one side of spectrum. Right now it's way too hard on the right. Try to back it off a tad and make it a relatable interms of the story and it's characters and not the Devs own 'tastes'.
-
The 'Faxe10' Scene... Let me ask you this... how much of a optic is it, when the Dev themself, decides to try and 'own the chud' all because one, or a few' people, question the games build in such manner in regards to the supposed harem issues? Sure, some can see it as a bit funny. Some could see it as lighting more of a fire to the flames. Me? I see it as not only Fortune being petty as fuck but also it's bad for business. There are far more subtler ways to 'own chuds', mainly in terms of doubling down on things and keeping with the intended story. To literally go out of your way to lash out at a guy because you've had enough of what their saying and mock them in your own game? Yeah... thats not a good optic specially when word of interwebs gets around to explain why the dev put two fat guys in the game for a simple reason to be 'mocked'. Then again might as well chalk this up to the questionable 'humor' at this point.
-
This though, it a simple matter, in regards to our sister and us, briefly having the dance on the roof and then having use march up to her place to tear her a new one. Like the fuck? I'd recommend doing a swap in terms of the scenes here. Have us tear our her a new one over the matter and then later one make it up to her on the roof to try and make ammends.
-
In my brutally honest yet candid opinion, which some may say 'Hawkes, your being too judgy!' or even 'Hawkes, you have too high of a standard!'. Which to some degree, I would somewhat agree. I see this game for what it is: Fortunes attempt at trying to make a money maker project simply because the last two weren't making ends meat, either due the the creators personal tastes in writing or their expectation of DPC type money over simple visuals. Whether or not they stay with this game will certainly remain to be seen. But I also see it as Fortune "attempt" to try and "craft their own style storywise with their own humor and shit". And I'm going to be real here. Half of it is good in it's style, both renders and characters. It's really well done on that, obviously. The story, as I mention, it's good and has promise to be up there in the many great AVNs out there, if not close. But it's dialogue, humor, and bloatedness in text from Fortune are going to hurt the bottomline in years to come.
Fortune, there is nothing wrong with being a bit edgy, and I get you want to be that, specially with the dialogue, however like I said, I would suggest you make changes here and there. You don't need most of the racist bullshit and slang and shit to have effects on the dialogue, even if one is from a hood or not, along with the nazi mentions and shit. There are always alternatives in wordplay. Also, try to tone down your walls of text with speech. Try to look into ways to get to the point with less wordings yet still fill in the text of the point. It is a challenge but it can be done with time and effort and practices.
These are simply my thoughts and simple suggestions on the current state. Whether they are taken into account or used in some manner... well I honestly have no expectations on if they are applied or not.
The Good:
Visuals are stunning and high quality, if not bloated in file size.
Characters are well done and crafted, both in looks and character. Lack of a redhead romance is telling. Skill issue perhaps.
Story itself is solid, a come from the darkest place and rise up through it all, dealing with drama and crap along the way. It is handled well.
The Bad:
The Dialogue.
The One Off 'Real World Mentions'.
The 'Humor'.
Minor pacing issues.
-
Dialogue wise it's all over the place, not to mention long winded in parts that make it bloated. I get that Fortune wants to try and be "edgy" and has supposedly tried to back it down a bit, but I'm going to be blunt here. There's alot more work that needs to be done on that end. The whole attempt of dialogue with some of the characters in being from the 'hood' and the constant over use of a terms used is way too much, and likely out of proprotion. <removed> this, <removed> that, Whitey this, etc. Save yourself from ruining this games potential and take that sort of shit out. Your over projecting and shooting yourself in the foot with shit like that. I'm not even joking when I say this. You could easily replace those lines with fucker and motherfucker and all sorts of alternatives. Not only will it make you look less edgy but less desperate to 'make a point'. Additionally, with the moments of racial bullshit, I'd make the suggestion to simmer it down. If it were in the manner of a joke in a light heartmanner, it's fine, but outside of that I'd make some considerations.
-
The one off mentions also don't help the story at all one damn bit. I mean fucking seriously? Rittenhouse? Cosby? Weinstein? Epstien? Nazis? Mentioning players and such, thats all fine, given the parallels to the sports involved, but everything else? This is on par with the completely out of left field bullshit scene with the Neo Nazis from We Were Just Kids that had no sense or reasoning. Kill this line and useage of bullshit before it gets worse. Your wanting to make this game to be a success money wise, particularly on steam. Most players likely are wanting to play for the escape and such. But then to have the Dev's 'views' and 'opinions' on one off mentions of shit like this? It's a bad look on a marketing view point if your wanting your net to be wide as possible.
-
Humor wise, it's either hit or entirely out of left field. While sure, humor is subjective and varies in taste, but here, your have some measure of comedy that do come across, while other times it's 'wow... thats more cringy/try hard' more than anything. My natural suggestion would be try to relate the humor to everyone more so rather than just one side of spectrum. Right now it's way too hard on the right. Try to back it off a tad and make it a relatable interms of the story and it's characters and not the Devs own 'tastes'.
-
The 'Faxe10' Scene... Let me ask you this... how much of a optic is it, when the Dev themself, decides to try and 'own the chud' all because one, or a few' people, question the games build in such manner in regards to the supposed harem issues? Sure, some can see it as a bit funny. Some could see it as lighting more of a fire to the flames. Me? I see it as not only Fortune being petty as fuck but also it's bad for business. There are far more subtler ways to 'own chuds', mainly in terms of doubling down on things and keeping with the intended story. To literally go out of your way to lash out at a guy because you've had enough of what their saying and mock them in your own game? Yeah... thats not a good optic specially when word of interwebs gets around to explain why the dev put two fat guys in the game for a simple reason to be 'mocked'. Then again might as well chalk this up to the questionable 'humor' at this point.
-
This though, it a simple matter, in regards to our sister and us, briefly having the dance on the roof and then having use march up to her place to tear her a new one. Like the fuck? I'd recommend doing a swap in terms of the scenes here. Have us tear our her a new one over the matter and then later one make it up to her on the roof to try and make ammends.
-
In my brutally honest yet candid opinion, which some may say 'Hawkes, your being too judgy!' or even 'Hawkes, you have too high of a standard!'. Which to some degree, I would somewhat agree. I see this game for what it is: Fortunes attempt at trying to make a money maker project simply because the last two weren't making ends meat, either due the the creators personal tastes in writing or their expectation of DPC type money over simple visuals. Whether or not they stay with this game will certainly remain to be seen. But I also see it as Fortune "attempt" to try and "craft their own style storywise with their own humor and shit". And I'm going to be real here. Half of it is good in it's style, both renders and characters. It's really well done on that, obviously. The story, as I mention, it's good and has promise to be up there in the many great AVNs out there, if not close. But it's dialogue, humor, and bloatedness in text from Fortune are going to hurt the bottomline in years to come.
Fortune, there is nothing wrong with being a bit edgy, and I get you want to be that, specially with the dialogue, however like I said, I would suggest you make changes here and there. You don't need most of the racist bullshit and slang and shit to have effects on the dialogue, even if one is from a hood or not, along with the nazi mentions and shit. There are always alternatives in wordplay. Also, try to tone down your walls of text with speech. Try to look into ways to get to the point with less wordings yet still fill in the text of the point. It is a challenge but it can be done with time and effort and practices.
These are simply my thoughts and simple suggestions on the current state. Whether they are taken into account or used in some manner... well I honestly have no expectations on if they are applied or not.
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- Jun 1, 2022
- 612
- 1,980
I see the game had a F95 users cameo in the game 
- Nov 13, 2022
- 4,164
- 13,695
Free pass to see all the n words and a few more things I don't remember.
While I understand your complaints, at the end of the day it’s his game. If it doesn’t go anywhere then the only person to blame is himself. I see the same complaints most of the time, not to say they’re not valid, but it’s clear this is how he wants his game to be. I guess we will see if anything changes or not, for the better or worse in regards to the success of this game.
- Aug 18, 2016
- 4,259
- 43,426
- Aug 18, 2016
- 4,259
- 43,426
So many gosh darn patches getting called. What's the x.rpy patch? I tried making it but it just calls for a scene that isn't in game. Is it some supporter only scene or something?
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- Jul 17, 2021
- 9,011
- 13,809
I checked the variables and it's a variable to determine if renpy is loadable. If there's anything else, I have no clue.
- Jul 17, 2021
- 9,011
- 13,809
- Aug 17, 2019
- 5,607
- 9,036
It's sacrilege really, Fame is one of the HOTTEST LI's i've seen. If anything she reminds me of Ryan Ashley who is a total goddess btw. I'm going to cautiously assume she was the inspiration.
And if I added that, I'd be doubling the render count for the entire game, and thus the file size and time taken to update. I won't be doing that. Especially just because a small subset of people (who are getting it for free) don't like it.
Only if MC starts rapping.MissFortune - Can we have a mandatory facial tattoo next?
That and some out of pocket comments on social issues.
I think you're misunderstanding some things. Just because I talk about certain things doesn't mean they're happening.
Updates have taken a while, yeah. Full-time job and this effectively becoming another one makes consistently updating hard. Hence why I try to stay transparent wherever I can, for better or worse. I have a bad habit of posting dates before I should, I'll admit, but it isn't because the game isn't being worked on.
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Might be linking others to this post fairly often. For anyone curious, here's a little chart from Patreon. The one below it is Steam.
It's not for the public, or any supporters. Personal patch.
- Aug 17, 2019
- 5,607
- 9,036
While I don't necessarily agree with a lot of the criticism based around verbiage or perspective of humor, especially with the latter being purely subjective, I'm reading them and applying some where needed.
I do know the flow/pacing could use some work, but I'm not going to put this game into development hell by rewriting things and likely forcing yet another restart just to give more ammo to the "he's already abandoned two games" side of the audience. It'll probably get fixed at or near completion of the game, along with a number of other things.
The first season was always intended to be the world and character building part of the game with the second and onward being the main arc (practices, games, harem/solo paths start to form/evolve, conflicts start coming to a head, etc.). For some, that might be too much dialogue or story or 'fluff', but that's how I like to do things. Again, it might not be for you, and that's fine.
I do know the flow/pacing could use some work, but I'm not going to put this game into development hell by rewriting things and likely forcing yet another restart just to give more ammo to the "he's already abandoned two games" side of the audience. It'll probably get fixed at or near completion of the game, along with a number of other things.
The first season was always intended to be the world and character building part of the game with the second and onward being the main arc (practices, games, harem/solo paths start to form/evolve, conflicts start coming to a head, etc.). For some, that might be too much dialogue or story or 'fluff', but that's how I like to do things. Again, it might not be for you, and that's fine.
- Dec 22, 2022
- 2,025
- 2,179
Well, sometimes it's hard for me to understand the jokes they make because I'm not a native speaker, and on top of that they speak in the vulgar English of the hood. I have learnt some expressions from the game that I know could get you into trouble in real life
, although I suppose it depends on the area you are in.In short, I did the same as Blaine and googled the meaning, except that I found a definition of "Chainwax" on the Urban Dictionary website
. A lifesaver, as regular dictionaries never help in these cases of unregistered words.In this new chapter, a microscopic yellow "?" button has been added to the top left under the glossary.
Very small, but if you press it when a strange scene suddenly appears, it tells you what happened, like "the next morning" etc.
There is a second secret sex scene with the trans girl
.The brown bunny from the tutorial, who keeps insulting Miss Fortune
, more or less explains that the first four stats are permanent once they can be activated, and the last two change with decisions made during the story.You can also click on each stat and read a brief description, they all say 1/5, as if you already have 1 point out of a maximum of 5.
Example:
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You probably talking about that 3 letter VN right? I hope they don't take the same path, because that one started with great potential and went downhill really fast. I already like this one because it seems to have a real story and the LIs don't have the same face lol
Not sure why this has an incest tag. 18 months later and MC got Eisley pregnant and who knows what other thots but not his sister. I mean what kind of lousy harem doesn't include his hot sis? Hell I'd dump the harem and just knock up the sister myself. 11,000+ clicks of stupid football crap for mostly nothing.
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