Ed Hardy_32

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Thanks for the thoughtful discussion.



Actually, the guy on the street is faced with two things, the devastation of loosing dearly loved ones, and the choice of continuing as before which he does know, consciously or not, will lead to an early death. He already feels physical sickness in himself; his liver is failing. He is not going to get wife and kids back. So is life worth the struggle? Is the struggle with himself worth it? Or is the world so corrupt that he feels it does not deserve struggle from him. Well, AA will tell him that the state of the world has nothing to do with his choice to live or not. Face the choice you are making. If you decide to continue drinking do it knowing what you are doing.


The "what have I done" thought is not new. It has been right there all along with what am I doing?


True, trauma does not often lead to recovery, but it has the best odds. So rl shrinks tell us.
Still, I’m not entirely sure I agree with your view on guilt not being a motivator. Sure, trauma might be the more immediate catalyst for change, but guilt — especially the persistent kind — tends to work more slowly, like background radiation. It’s often not loud, but it’s always there. And sometimes, it does push people to re-evaluate their choices — not because they were hit by a truck, but because the weight of their own conscience became too heavy to carry.

As for the guy on the street — I see your point, but I’d argue that even if the “what have I done” thought has been lingering all along, it might only register once it’s too loud to ignore. People can live in a kind of semi-denial for years, where awareness exists but isn’t yet powerful enough to spark real change. Then one day, a specific moment — maybe not as big as full-on trauma — tips the scale. That’s when the guilt that’s been brewing in the background finally becomes actionable.

Also, while AA tells people to disconnect their personal responsibility from the state of the world (which is probably healthy), it doesn’t mean the two aren’t emotionally linked for them. The world may not “deserve” his struggle — but he might still need to find a reason to fight anyway. And sometimes, guilt is part of that reason.
 

noahsombrero

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As someone who knows what kind of hold alcohol can have on you I will say this.
There has to be a trigger for an alcoholic to realise what has happened and why they are where they are.
Mates who encourage an alcoholic to have another drink are the worst kind of enemy anyone can have.
Solutions can be easy-ish or hard but in the end it has to be their own decision and they have to really want to end the nightmare.
For me it was losing three whole days, a complete blank, and waking face down in the bathroom with vomit all over the place.
Didn't touch alcohol for 25 years after that, now maybe a single beer a couple of times a year but only one because even after 35 years it would be so easy to slip back into the nightmare.
The pull of alcohol will always be there and it takes a lot of courage to "say never again".
The person has to want it more than anything else in the world if they are ever to get back to anything like normal.
Recovering from addiction is the severest test that a person's character can face. Much respect to anybody who has gone that route. I'm sure the path I describe is not the only way out, but it is the one shrinks say is your best chance. But right, "what happened and how did I get here".
 

noahsombrero

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Still, I’m not entirely sure I agree with your view on guilt not being a motivator. Sure, trauma might be the more immediate catalyst for change, but guilt — especially the persistent kind — tends to work more slowly, like background radiation. It’s often not loud, but it’s always there. And sometimes, it does push people to re-evaluate their choices — not because they were hit by a truck, but because the weight of their own conscience became too heavy to carry.

As for the guy on the street — I see your point, but I’d argue that even if the “what have I done” thought has been lingering all along, it might only register once it’s too loud to ignore. People can live in a kind of semi-denial for years, where awareness exists but isn’t yet powerful enough to spark real change. Then one day, a specific moment — maybe not as big as full-on trauma — tips the scale. That’s when the guilt that’s been brewing in the background finally becomes actionable.

Also, while AA tells people to disconnect their personal responsibility from the state of the world (which is probably healthy), it doesn’t mean the two aren’t emotionally linked for them. The world may not “deserve” his struggle — but he might still need to find a reason to fight anyway. And sometimes, guilt is part of that reason.
Right, find a reason to fight anyway. You bet. I still defend the shrinks who say guilt is not what it takes. As TSSG59 suggests it takes a trigger. And undeniable unacceptable consequence, and a realization of why that happened.

It is not "I feel guilty". It is I will not accept this in myself.

I say, for Wife, getting raped was an undeniable unacceptable consequence. But she has only partially decided that things must change.

"The person has to want it more than anything else in the world if they are ever to get back to anything like normal."

Shrinks say that a person can get well if they have come to a place one way or the other where they cannot stand to continue as they have been. They feel compelled seek change. Somehow. At that point, yes, things can get better, but probably not before.
 
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Adhdclassic

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Hutch doesn't fulfill Vivians sexual desires and need sure that is what was believed especially by Christian. But chapter 2 dispels that she admits it was her and her mother who did this he always wanted more sexual situations but was declined due to her mothers beliefs in what a man wants. In chapter 1 she admitted Hutch wanted that ass, but she declined him. Thats kind of why I feel there was more to Hutchs past then his present presents. Just my opinion.
 

packard1928

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You are right . Vivian kept Hutch desires at a low key due to her belief of how a wife is to behave in a marriage. With Christian , she does not have that standard. THat leaves Hutch... I think he would and could satisfy all of her need if she just let him. And, since she loves him it would be all the more intense. That said..We discussed that we may not see Vivian and Hutch have sex in the game due to the Christian factor...
 
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TSSG59

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It is not "I feel guilty". It is I will not accept this in myself.

I can't and won't speak for others, everyone has to find their own way but guilt was not part of my solution, it was forgiveness, not the forgiveness of others but to be able to forgive myself for being weak and to find a new strength.
People are leaders or followers and the worst kind of leader is the one I call a toxic leader.
Everyone knows one, they are the one who says lets do this lets go there and like a fool you follow.
Without their followers they are truly the weakest one of all because they don't ever want to be alone, it frightens them.
I became something of a loner for many years, off into what little wilderness we have here, relying on myself and no one else.
I still socialised but soon realised the majority of people I met had nothing to say that was of any interest to me and I couldn't think of anything to say they wanted to hear so I walked away.
People still ask if I get lonely, no, why would I?, I have me and that's the person I'm happiest being with now.


"The person has to want it more than anything else in the world if they are ever to get back to anything like normal."

Shrinks say that a person can get well if they have come to a place one way or the other where they cannot stand to continue as they have been. They feel compelled seek change. Somehow. At that point, yes, things can get better, but probably not before.
[/QUOTE]
 

Adhdclassic

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You are right . Vivian kept Hutch desires at a low key due to her belief of how a wife is to behave in a marriage. With Christian , she does not have that standard. THat leaves Hutch... I think he would and could satisfy all of her need if she just let him. And, since she loves him it would be all the more intense. That said..We discussed that we may not see Vivian and Hutch have sex in the game due to the Christian factor...
Sexually I think Hutch is out of the game. Not because of her, feel he is now turned off by all of it so he doesn't want it.
 

Adhdclassic

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It seems to me that Hutch has been to underdog in their relationship and has now come to realise it's slowly destroying him as a person.
Think he has always known he was the Sub in their marriage, he was fine with it 20yrs of happiness. She gave no sign he should be worried about betrayal. Now his foundation has been shaken as for the 2 chapters it seems he is trying to figure a way back but she keeps throwing monkey shit at him question becomes not how long will he tolerate it, but what will happen that will be his breaking point.
 

GibboBtw

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Sexually I think Hutch is out of the game. Not because of her, feel he is now turned off by all of it so he doesn't want it.
I think most men would indeed struggle to get it up ever again with your wife, if you endured what Hutch did during CH1. No fucking way that shit is ever gonna rise again with her at least...

Unless he turns out to be some kind of closet cuck, which I'm hoping he won't end up being. :unsure:
 
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packard1928

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I don't think he will be a cluck. So far he has had opportunity to watch... and did not. except the first night at the window into the back yard... He also saw them in the driveway... and walked off.
 

noahsombrero

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It is not "I feel guilty". It is I will not accept this in myself.
I still socialised but soon realised the majority of people I met had nothing to say that was of any interest to me
Yeh, been there. It is hard for ordinary folks to meet mature intelligent people. But I am here to say it is worth the effort.

It helps to realize that the average iq is 100. How smart is that? Not very. Then you need the other parameter, eq. Emotional Quotient. It is a recognized measurement, but little studied. It might even get in the way of some high iq ambitions. Not useful to making big money, maybe even a little contrary to that goal.
 

GibboBtw

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I don't think he will be a cluck. So far he has had opportunity to watch... and did not. except the first night at the window into the back yard... He also saw them in the driveway... and walked off.
Yeah, but I am a little concerned... I mean from what we can gather from the teasers, she's going to bone Christian again at that garden party, and Hutch enters the room seemingly, after they're done and getting dressed again. At least that is how I am interpreting it. They might not be and it could just be a bait, I know.

But if it is true, then in that scenario it seems to me that he might end up just being a cuck, but just not the kind that likes to watch and get off to it sexually. But the kind that keeps allowing it to happen, to keep his wife happy. And then just becomes fine with it.

And if he does do that shit, I'm gonna mald ngl...:ROFLMAO: I want my fucking Vivian downfall/comeuppances damnit...:cautious:
 

TonyMurray

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But if it is true, then in that scenario it seems to me that he might end up just being a cuck, but just not the kind that likes to watch and get off to it sexually. But the kind that keeps allowing it to happen, to keep his wife happy. And then just becomes fine with it.

And if he does do that shit, I'm gonna mald ngl...:ROFLMAO: I want my fucking Vivian downfall/comeuppances damnit...:cautious:
He is already a cuckold in that sense. He has given her his permission, however begrudgingly, to continue, in order to give her what he believes she wants.
 

packard1928

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I think he will allow it to happen because She is his bait for a plan to take down Christian. If Vivian was to go home and tell Hutch I now belong to him ( Christian) .. to me that is a game over. He has nothing to stay at that job for. I may be wrong ( probably am) but I think Hutch already had his plan with Vivian... That is part of the conversation they had at the house that evening. He wants her to continue " working " with Christian. He know what it means. He cares... But, he has a greater purpose in mind. Just my thoughts....
 
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noahsombrero

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But if it is true, then in that scenario it seems to me that he might end up just being a cuck, but just not the kind that likes to watch and get off to it sexually. But the kind that keeps allowing it to happen, to keep his wife happy. And then just becomes fine with it.

And if he does do that shit, I'm gonna mald ngl...:ROFLMAO: I want my fucking Vivian downfall/comeuppances damnit...:cautious:
If Husband is a morally collapsed person, it is not Wife's fault. Regardless, I don't think SC is going to do that to us. Way too cliched. SC is breaking new ground.
 

GibboBtw

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He is already a cuckold in that sense. He has given her his permission, however begrudgingly, to continue, in order to give her what he believes she wants.
Yeah but right now, I feel like he still has potential to do something else, rather than just go further into that being a cuck territory. And that's what I'm hoping for. I'm sick of passive pussy Hutch, I wanna see him fucking do something PROACTIVE...That's the #1 thing I'm hoping for in CH3, and I'm assuming we're going to get it. Because I'm fucking sick of Vivians bullshit already, and I need Hutch to save me from it...
 
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TonyMurray

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I think he will allow it to happen because She is his bait for a plan to take down Christian. If Vivian was to go home and tell Hutch I now belong to him ( Christian) .. to me that is a game over. He has nothing to stay at that job for. I may be wrong ( probably am) but I think Hutch already had his plan with Vivian... That is part of the conversation they had at the house that evening. He wants her to continue " working " with Christian. He know what it means. He cares... But, he has a greater purpose in mind. Just my thoughts....
I'm still not sold on the "it's all part of their plan" thing. Hutch having a plan I can sort of see (only "sort of" though, because we haven't seen enough of Hutch yet and need that third chapter to balance out chapter 2, as dev said), but I don't see him actively using Vivian/Vivian's body as part of it. If he was to involve Vivian, I would expect it would be more along the lines of "let him think you're playing along, but for God's sake try to avoid any more fucking!"

I also don't think Vivian is going to go home and tell Hutch she belongs to Christian now. Unless we're taking the shortcut to Divorce Town, I just can't see that working out at all - I don't think either Vivian or Christian want Hutch and Vivian to get divorced, and I think Hutch has probably thought hard about it, but if he wanted it, I think he would have acted differently in chapter two than what we did see of him. With little to go by though, that could obviously just be something we haven't seen yet, but the signs are that he still believes the marriage can be saved, or at least that he wants to try to save it.

Obviously not everything that is said is gospel, so Vivian telling Christian that she is his doesn't necessarily mean she is his. She could just be telling him what he wants to hear, but we've had that manipulation-reverse conversation already. She'll probably tell Hutch what he needs to hear as well though, it's just a case of how much truth she gives him and how much she tries to soften the blow. Despite him telling her he doesn't want details, I can see her telling him everything now (you can do that without going into the details of it), but whatever this conversation with Hutch ends up looking like, it's still the one thing I'm most looking forward to seeing.
 
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