HTML Completed My Time with Her [v1.25] [Demetos]

[AMRFTY]

Whoa, I wasn't expecting this nor ready for it.
Managed to clean out a lot of chapters and while you write with a lot of passion, I struggled to follow and empathize as much as Asehpe did. You clearly poured your heart out into it and it shows. I think someone with a kink for this subject as well as a love of theatrical dramatization would adore this. I am not this person, but I can definitely commend you for doing all of this work. And if someone like Asehpe absolutely loves it, you have done your work well.

The only thing is - this is an interactive text novel (Albeit, with a few pictures) and as such, I won't be rating it. That's probably better in the long run because I might not be your target audience. I do hope this reaches a lot more people who are getting a serious kick out of this!

 

[Demetos]

To
Bonerhat


Thank you for your review and the honesty.

I accept your critics and will learn from them. I will not try to argue with anything you said...
But allow me to perhaps explain a bit...
The "game" - many of these do not come with an instruction... so some things I intended are not obvious.

The girls POV was done after the boys... so from my original intention actually the boy is the "main" view.
But since I wrote the girl quite some time after... and I had fun writing it... it got longer and had more "thoughts" in it.

You criticize the way both views are presented next to each other and do not match up.
You are totally right - it is annoying to read in two columns.

Here is where an instruction to what I intended would have come handy... these views where not really meant to be read side by side.

In the configuration you can chose which side you want to read - and only display ONE side.

This gives a much more coherent reading.
The default however is side by side... the intention behind that was that the user gets to know that there are two sides at all.

The original "End" of the story was chapter 30... once the girl was "able" to let the boy cum... it was their tough road to "gender parity".
What followed (another 80 or so chapters) - was fleshing out... what lay ahead... how did they cope later when her kinks were still "active"?

I admit the story is "lengthy" especially the middle part... I guess I got carried away with new scene ideas - it might even be sort of repetitive - though they seldom do things twice the same way.

Perhaps the story would get more interesting for you later, with the communication with Ingrid (mails, chapter 54...) or the introduction of Bianca and later Jenny (from 74 onward) - and the escalation that follows and the breakup.

The last 30 chapters (beginning with Bianca...) have an underlying tone of jealousy of the girl and her coping... or not coping with it.

But I can totally understand if you don't want to read it all.
It IS a big wall of text.

But here again... you can make use of the configuration and chose what chapter(s) you might be interested in.
Interesting/different is the party (74 onwards).
Or from 75 onward where the boy reaches his breaking point and actually doms his girl.

Overall the games "tone" and dynamic changes in the last 25 chapters.

But still... the main "theme" stays the same.
If you don't like it... it is only fair to say so... we all have different likes and dislikes.

Thanks for your time - trying it out...

-

"... the story is pretty much a constant feed of content and it's well described with great prose; the writer does very much knows how to write the erotic scenes themselves and there are plenty. ..."

Thank you for this also...
The story is one thing... but it is great that at least my writing/style is appreciated.

Perhaps a future work might be more in line with your taste.

Demetos

 

[Bonerhat]

No problem at all, and thanks for the sensible and contemplative reply, I know how it can feel to have your work seen under a critical eye, and you handle it well.

I suppose I do have some egg on my face then that there is some turning points later in, I suspected there may be, but with the text continuing to escalate and a quick look at the art folder for spoilers seeming like mostly continued escalation too, I let myself come to the conclusion that this will likely be the vast majority of the game's content. I of course think my review is still valuable for letting prospective new players get a sense of the game's content in that way, at least for the majority of content they'll experience in at least a first day's reading, but I may take a gander at the later content too in my own time to see what I'm missing.

As for the simultaneous columns, I do doubt most people will disable a column going in blind as it feels like missing out on content and there's a sense that both POVs are intended to be valuable as a storytelling device here, like

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where it shows both Kim and Jimmy's routines to highlight how distant they've grown. If that wasn't the intention, then prehaps a more generic male/fem choice at the beginning may be better, or if the female story truly has eclipsed the male's during development, just cut the weaker one entirely even though it may feel like cutting off a limb (though maybe not as I can imagine all the sudden comments of people who LOVED the male's POV suddenly appearing to complain lol). But I'm sure these are considerations you've mulled over yourself as you seem very perceptive of your own work.

And yeah as for the walls of text, I do want to reinforce that that's purely a critique of page formatting and how much text is presented at a single time instead of being broke up. I definitely don't have flaws with the amount of content and would likely love it if this was content I was more into. At the end of the day these are smut games, and content is king, too much is definitely better than too little in this space. I'll leave any analysis about certain story acts dragging too long compared to others to you and your own self-analysis. If you would like to explore a reference of what I personally feel is great page formatting though, another game on here, Transylvania, has imo fantastic page presentation that makes it an absolute breeze to read and may be a good influence.

I do hope you get some reviews in from people more into the content other than just my critical voice, and invite anyone reading this who loves the game to leave one. I am eager to see what you may do in future projects and hope you luck with them.