Thank you for your praise, your comments and your advice.
You're welcome. I quite enjoyed your writing, and you have some talent in shaping internal dialogues and conflicts (I liked very much the scene in which the female MC gets drunk and starts bragging to Jenny, a friend; I could really see it happening in my mind's eyes.)
I had not written anything in a long time... the diary/story was not planned - it just unfolded.
That's how these things tend to happen.
It all started with the epilogue (only accessible via the "chapters") - and the "diary" is not really a diary but a
memory backwards from that point in time.
The epilogue and the first couple of pages are very similar to my own experiences.
I had guessed so.
The Epilogue felt so true. I suppose it doesn't help to say it gets better. But life is really full of the litter left by broken hearts and poor decisions, isn't it? I have my own experience with that.
[snip]
I know that - it is not realistic.
I was not really consciously aware - but you describe it very well with your analogy to a knight and a perfect student.
Thinking about it - yes - that is exactly what I want them to be...
And that's fine, if that's what you want. From what you said above, I think you're putting some of yourself into them -- and maybe that's what makes me want them to grow. Because, you see, reality doesn't have to be a buzzkill that destroys romantic ideals. It can be... a table on which you cook your favorite meal. A set of tools to use when fashioning your own destiny. A number of beautiful landscapes to gaze at when you're in the mood.
In some ways I am a hopeless romantic -
I want their "soul mateness" to be genuine in the sense that nothing, no experience can destroy their love for each other.
So am I. And to the extent you've made me care about these two characters whose names are mirror images of each other -- I don't want their 'soul mateness' to be destroyed either.
I will merely say that in the 'mystery of the Other', which never leaves us sufficient reason to trust -- we never really know what that other really contains -- there is also a beauty that can be appreciated, albeit a less romantic one. I've learned to seek it in my life. It sure beats just being angry and believing there are no soul mates and feeling lonely. Or, in other words: there are things to grow into that are worthy of aspiring for.
Because I know reality is different, their love is a fairy tale.
I just could not bring myself to destroy their - as you say - child like innocent love for each other with more realism.
(saying that about basically a sex/femdom prose is 'weird'...)
Reality is different... but it is not worse. One way in which it could perhaps even be better I will mention below.
In case you're interested in stories vs. reality, there's a three-video series by
You must be registered to see the links
on YouTube that you may enjoy. (The author's YouTube channel is a little chest half filled with treasure -- you may enjoy exploring it a little in case you don't know him already.)
In the current text the characters and especially the male have not evolved much.
Your advice about evolving the characters more (pretending/shaping...) is well received.
I don't know whether or how I can actually implement this advice, I must think more about it.
I think that's because you made her be the one with the doubts, the one who isn't sure and is afraid of being a monster... whereas your male MC seems so sure and wise (even she complains here and there about how smart he is
). In real life, if things got even a third as extreme as they do in your story, most guys, no matter how submissive, would be at least afraid. This Other who gives me pleasure by being a taker while I'm a giver... can I really, REALLY trust her? Doubts would be human, and would give your female MC something to do. After all, if she loves him, she also enjoys the way he is, right? It's not the orgasms (they sure help, but as anybody by now knows, orgasms aren't everything... by a long shot) -- it's the way he is, the pleasure he finds in giving. Not just his suffering (which plays into her fantasy of being evil), but also his pleasure (which would feed her desire to be nurturing). If you only make her yearn for more and more control... this nurturing side of her (that comes out in 'angel days') ends up developing less, and wilting and fading and dying. And then what would the difference be between her and Ingrid?...
I imagine she would have to be, at some point, invested in HIS journey also. She should also find delight in HIS success in discovering who he is sexually and what makes him tick (as well as also in real life -- what's his job? what gives him fulfilment at work?...), and she should encourage him to evolve in ways that are good for him (and ultimately also for her, but not simply for this reason). If she has no stake in his development... the way he clearly has in hers... then what are all those protests of loving him, if not simply claims of loving the pleasure she takes from him? That for which we sacrifice nothing ends up losing its interest, doesn't it?... As any parent who just gives their children everything they ask for will tell you, that is not the best way to make them grow.
I will continue with different paths that might contain more realistic views and experiences and shape the characters differently.
Not only the extremes I did so far.
My main problem with their unconditional love is... it gives the story no "goal" - there is no real end point other than
...and they lived happily ever after...
That is one of the differences between stories and reality. In stories, we want the good old crescendo and decrescendo, some challenge to overcome, something with a beginning, and end, a plot, and a message... in real life, we can actually relax and enjoy the simple fact of loving and being loved, the pleasure it brings, and let us reassure us. But in fiction... that's boring, right? That's not why we read stories...
Still... Japanese slice-of-life animes are often like that, calm, refreshing, healing. As you said above, it may be strange to say this about a femdom story that goes quite extreme in some points, but if you can add that slice-of-life-ness to your story, it might be good.
If you want drama, you could have them explore the reasons for their kinks. After all, she is already (or was at the beginning) afraid of being a monster, right? Well, why is she not? Just because she feels bad about it? Does she need forgiveness? Yes (I did bad stuff) and no (that's who I am)?... And how about him? What made him be like that? If you want, you could make their journey of self-discovery be the plot-driven, challenge-overcoming part of the story, prior to them settling down in a slice-of-life pattern (rather than having Ingrid, as a devil figure, be the kind of antagonist who wants to destroy their happiness -- she could serve other purposes).
Or you could give them real-life challenges, like how do they act if their families find out? Or is their love life preventing them from growing in other areas? (Femdom can be quite... addictive.)
Sure, I can keep continuing writing diary... but at some stage the reader will get bored...
Honestly, I wouldn't. And if you feel this is therapeutic for you... then just ignore all I wrote above and do what makes you feel good. You're the author, after all. Me, I'm just a fan making a few (admittedly verbose -- yes, I'm the kind who can't stop talking) comments on something that gave me a nice morning today, even nicer for being unexpected.
As for the male character...
I think my writing changed (evolved?) somewhat. I wrote the male first and the female later.
I now much prefer the female version of the story, not because she is female but in my view she is better written, has more "soul".
She does more "thinking" and lets the reader participate in her thoughts - that brings her closer.
She's the one with the doubts, so she's the one with the extra thinking. He could be thinking just as hard, if he also had doubts (Does she really love me... or am I just fooling myself? Am I a weakling? Was I abused as a child? Was she? If so, did it... did it make her... a little psychopathic?... etc. Hm... isn't this the kind of doubts Peter has?).
But again thank you, and I hope you'll enjoy writing this diary for as long as it nurtures you. Take care!
